“I choose hope.”

“What are you talking about?” Bennett questioned, leaning his chair on its back legs.

I shrugged, “I’m talking about winning. I’m going to hope and believe and trust that we’re gonna win.”

He laughed to himself, his grey eyes holding a sadness that came with the imminent end. “Joey, don’t say it—don’t even think it. It’s not going to happen.”

“Oh, come on!”
He was always so…calculated. Bennett liked order, facts, and things that made sense. There was no room in his head for chance or luck. He was my best friend because of it; he was my disciplined co-captain because of it, but sometimes it drove me bonkers.
“I can’t help it. Wouldn’t it be amazing? Being that team—that team. The Cinderella story…” The words sent chills down my spine.
He sighed, his eyes returning to reality. “Joey we haven’t won a game in two weeks. We can’t be that team. We would have to win six in a row. We’ve barely won six all season.” He was right, of course, but I wasn’t ready to accept the end yet. The hope and the excitement and the nerves felt too good.
“Ultimately, hoping is a matter of choice,” I said proudly. “At the end of the day we get to pick what we believe and hope and trust, and I choose to believe in us. I’m choosing to hope.”
“Joey—”
“It’s my choice.”
We shared a sad smile. The end was near; we could feel it. We just weren’t ready to accept it yet. So we—at least I—hoped.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My hand trembled nervously. It had been shaking since 5:09 a.m., the early hour that I couldn’t sleep past. I inhaled deeply, trying to calm myself down enough to form a coherent thought, but the air caught in my throat.
This was our first game of sections. This would also likely be our last game of sections. Seeded last, we had to play the only undefeated team in the state. It would be an excruciating game, but because it would be my last I planned to live and love every second of it.
From far off the buzzer sounded, summoning us to our destiny. The air in my lungs stopped flowing entirely. Robotically, I stood up and walked the final mile to the door, the rest of the guys close on my heels. As captains, Bennett and I were supposed to lead the team to glory, but it kind of felt like we were leading them to slaughter.
That hope that seemed so believable and palpable just a short day ago was now engulfed by terror and fear. Taking a final, steadying breath, I pushed the door open.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The whistle sounded, and play stopped abruptly. A momentary reprieve from the madness. I heard Bennett’s labored breathing beside me. I glanced at the scoreboard: three for us, two for them. Three minutes and 13 seconds left.
“So much time,” I murmured to myself.
“You still hoping?” He called.
“Always,” my tone rang nervously.
“Yeah,” he muttered, but before he could finish the referee signaled for play to begin again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The air that had been absent from my body most of the night came flooding back. In a haze of perfection the final buzzer sounded, and we piled on top of Avery. Equipment flew through the air; screams of ecstasy echoed into history.
We had just beaten—by a miracle—the (formerly) undefeated team in the state. Their season was over. Ours was not. Even though the chances of us winning the next game were near impossible, even though the end was still fast approaching, I couldn’t help feeling like at that moment in time anything—everything—was possible. The world was at our feet.
Hope. I felt that amazing, wonderful, perfect hope.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My legs slowly gave out from under me, and I crumpled in pure happiness into my spot. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the locker room. Everything was so perfect right now, in this moment, and I was terrified that when I walked out of this room it all really would be over.
I met Bennett’s gaze across the room. His face broke into a wide grin. “I guess you were right.”
“I usually am,” I teased.
He snorted.
“Where do we go from here?”
He gazed up at the ceiling, begging it for inspiration and answers and victory. “Forward I guess. When it all comes down to it the end will come one way or another. We should just breathe it all in; accept its power over us; embrace the inevitable…”
“And if we lose it?” I barely breathed the words.
“If we lose it I’m going to wish like hell I’d never said these things.”
We laughed. We laughed because we were here, and we were alive.
“All in—no regrets.”
“You want to say you were there,” I provided.
“And when it all comes crashing down we’re gonna remember this moment. How we accept it, and even though we’re afraid of it, we trust it. No matter what happens we have tonight. That’s really all we need.”
I smiled to myself. We had won. We had really, really won. It seemed a little too good to be true, but we really had.
“I choose hope, too,” he whispered.
At that moment in time anything was possible; the world was at our feet.
“Hope,” I murmured to myself, feeling the words, believing them. “Hope.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It ended.
The hoping, I mean.
We lost the next game, plain and simple.
As hard as we fought, they were the better team. I guess we should be proud of the outcome. Being down 0-4 half-way through the game, it looked pretty bleak. With some magic we cut the deficit in half. We got back in it; we just couldn’t win it.
Endings are hard though, no matter how they happen.
So when it ended, when that final buzzer sounded, it hurt like no words could ever come close to describing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was time to leave. None of us wanted to, because when we did it would be over forever, but the night was closing in on us.
My blurry eyes looked across the locker room and found Bennett staring at his shaking hands, tears brimming on his eyelashes.
“I’m sorry,” I choked.
He moved to sit beside me. “What are we gonna do?” His voice cracked in agony.
“I don’t know.” It was like I couldn’t think straight. That’s what happens when dreams die. “Thank you though. You’re my best friend. Thank you for everything…”
He nodded, fighting a losing battle with the pain. “Thank you for letting me hope. Thank you for letting me believe.”
“It was wrong. I was wrong. It was stupid,” I spoke incoherently, burying my face in my shirt, trying to breathe.
It was over forever now. There was nothing we could do about it. The end.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It hurt. It hurt for a long, long time. It would never really stop hurting, but somewhere along the passage of time I felt it again. I felt that hope.
It would never be the same again, but that feeling was so perfect, that night so magical—I couldn’t not hope. I had to believe I would feel that way again.
“Hope,” I murmured to myself, feeling the words, believing them. “Hope.”
Bennett looked up from his Dairy Queen and squinted at me. “Really? This again?”
I gazed out at the spring sunshine. “Yeah. I’ve got nothing better to do.”