I’d never felt true humiliation until Momma made me switch shoes with the new boxed ones at Wal-Mart because she can’t afford to buy them. It was mortifying.
“Hurry up,” Momma whispered, looking down on me. I found my size and sat down on the linoleum floor.
“I’m going as fast as I can,” I said as I ripped my old ones off. The first thing I felt when I slipped the new ones on was relief. My toe didn’t poke out of the front and the sides of my feet weren’t squeezed.
Cassidy smirked. “Those’re ugly.”
I looked down at them. I felt a pang of insecurity rise in my chest. “I think they’re cute.”
“You’ll get eaten alive if you wear those to school.”
“Will not,” I said, pouting and threading the shoelaces.
“Yeah you will.” Cassidy’s voice rose as she turned away from her spot guarding the aisle. “No one wears that crap.”
“Both of you two hush or the security’ll get us,” Momma said. Cassidy crossed her arms and turned around, looking back and forth for workers.
I finished tying the shoes and stood up. They felt good. “Done,” I smiled as I slid the box with my old shoes in them into its place.
“Good.” Momma grabbed the buggy and we walked to the checkout lane.
The cashier’s counter was always a nightmare for us. Momma always held up the line, digging in her purse for an extra penny or two. This time, it wasn’t so bad.
“Amber,” Momma said and I looked up from the tabloids. “You got a penny to spare?”
I dug in my pants’ pocket. “Nope,” I replied after checking all of them. “Sorry.” Cassidy’s arm reached through, separating us.
“I’ve got one,” she said and grinned, holding it out. Momma took it and paid the rest with a ten dollar bill. She got twenty-five cents back.
I looked down at my shoes on the car ride home. They really weren’t as bad as Cassidy made them out to be. Sure, the stars were a little brash and the rainbow laces were kind of tacky, but they were alright. Maybe.
Cassidy turned on the radio and twisted the volume knob up. “Something to mask the silence,” she said as she bobbed her head to the beat. Momma just shrugged and continued to focus on the road.
“What’s high school like, Cassidy?” I asked. I could see her knitting her eyebrows in the window reflection.
“What?”
I spoke louder. “What’s high school like? You said they were gonna eat me alive, so how would they do that? I thought cannibalism was illegal.”
Cassidy giggled and gave a look to Momma. I called it the ‘inside joke’ look. “It’s a bit like J. Park. Only the people are older.”
“But are they gonna eat me?” I didn’t understand why she wasn’t taking this seriously.
“Trust me, Ammie. No one’s gonna eat you in the actual sense,” Cassidy said and looked at Momma again before adding, “No one would want to.” under her breath.
“But what do you mean?”
“They’re gonna look at you and say mean things,” Cassidy shrugged. “I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. It sucks. But you just have to deal with it ‘cause that’s life.”
“Oh.” I sat back in my chair and swallowed. “Okay.” I didn’t talk for the rest of the car ride.