“When someone walks away from you, it’s not the end of your story. It’s the end of their part in your story.”
-Unknown
I sit on the cold, frigid steps of the River Pines Orphanage, watching the snow dance down from the dark sky, hitting every empty spot of the ground. This was the third snowfall of the season, but I’m not complaining. Winter is by far my favorite season. It’s the time of year that people are forced to be nice to others. Even though I know it’s all just an act, it still feels good to be accepted by others. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted, someone to love me.
My mother loved me, like any mother could love their daughter. I was only two when she left us. Daddy said cancer was the Devil and took her, but at the last minute God took her in his own hands. But it was too late to save her. After that, Daddy was just…different. He didn’t go to church anymore. He didn’t even let me go to Sunday school. Then one day, he just left. Walked out of the house with nothing but a suitcase and a small duffle bag. He didn’t say anything to me. He just looked at me with pitiful eyes and said, “You remind me of your mother,” then turned and left. I never saw him again.
It’s been 12 years now, and I still haven’t forgiven him. How could I? He left his only child. That’s why I’m here in this orphanage; because no one else would take me in as their own. No one wanted me. Still, no family has ever wanted me.
So, I sit on these steps, watching family after family pick one of the other little girls or boys instead of me. I’m the one that is always turned down. The one that always feels unwanted. The one that’s always doing so many things for so many other people, but not getting the same respect in return. I’m the person that everyone turns to when they need someone or something, but I’m never the one that has someone there for me.
A nipping wind blew in my face; the frosty breath of a snowy night. My scarf blew softly with the breeze, along with the dull brown hue of my long hair. As the wind died down I watch something land right at the foot of the stairs. I stood up slowly and folded my arms to trap the warmth. My gaze took upon the little cream envelope that had landed right in front of my eyes. I pick it up gradually trying to be cautious of what it might be. I turn it over and right on the front, in big, cursive, red lettering was the name Elizabeth.
I cover my mouth, trying to hide a gasp. What is this? A note…for me? I open it up questioningly. I slip the paper out of the envelope and unfold it carefully. The first line was: My Dearest Elizabeth. What am I supposed to do? Someone wrote this letter to me and I don’t even know who it’s from! Breath. I let out a deep breath that felt like I’d been holding it since I saw it land in front of me. Breath. I read on.
My Dearest Elizabeth,
When I first met you, I would have never known you would’ve made my life so…important. Important in my life, important to me. I never knew that you were going to come into my life and change everything. You let me see the good in me when all I saw was the bad, and the part that no one wanted a part of. You let me see another point of view to look at things. You have taught me how to love life again, but most importantly, how to love myself. You have taught me that everyone has flaws and parts in their life where they seem like nothing is going right. Where everything is just terrible and you can’t face it any longer, but you need to have strength in yourself. To look past it and move on with it, but also learn from it. Learn from the mistakes you have made and don’t regret doing anything.
So, as I look at you, each and every day, I see a girl who doesn’t give up, who thinks about it at times, but never actually does. I see a girl who stays strong, no matter what battles life throws at her. I see a girl who gives everything she can, time, patience, but never gets anything in return. When I look at you, I see hope. I see gentleness. I see clarity. But when I really look at you, I see beauty. I see faith. I see love.
Lots of love,
Your Secret Admirer

I stand there for a second in awe of what I just read. I was shocked. All my life, I’ve wanted someone to notice me and love me, and I just found someone who does. They actually care about me! I smile for a second and hug the note to my heart. Then I look up into the sky and up at the stars. It’s crazy how complex something can be, but at the same time, so beautiful.
I fold up the paper again and tuck it into its hiding place. I placed it inside the pocket of my coat and then turned to walk back into the orphanage. I could hear the children inside singing to the Christmas songs playing on the stereo. I open the door and a gust of hot air falls on my face along with the craving smell of hot chocolate brewing in the kitchen.
“You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch!” the kids were singing. They all laughed at each other as they did their own impersonations of the Grinch. “Elizabeth! You’re the Grinch!” “Yeah! She’s the mean old Grinch!” The kids cheered with laughter. “Wow, that was cold, guys!” I laughed and shook my head as I walked toward the kitchen.
“There you are Elizabeth! I need your help!” Miss. Hannigan yelled as she handed over Little Benny to me. “All of those rotten kids need to be in bed in 10 minutes! Take Benny here and change him then lay him down to bed. After that, take those delinquents and put them all to bed, too! I don’t have time to this myself, so I’m counting on you!” she shouted at she stirred the big pot of hot chocolate sitting on the hot stove.
“As you wish, ma’am,” I replied as I walked out of the kitchen up to Benny’s room. He was fussing in my arms, struggling to escape, but my grip was too strong. I enter the room and flick the lights on. The brightness of them made me step back a little. Once I got used to it, I walked over to his changing table and dressed him in his Santa Claus footy-pajamas. As he lay there, his eyes seemed to be getting hazy and droopy. He’s going to be no problem tucking in.
I lay him down in his crib and lay his brown teddy bear down next to him. “Goodnight Benny,” I whisper as I leaned down and kissed his forehead. I always felt like the mother of this house. I was the one that fed all the kids. The one that help them get dressed. The one who always tucked them in. Miss. Hannigan was just the grump that made the food and yelled at the kids and greeted the families that were adopting. She was just the stingy, old caretaker. I was the one that did all the real work.
I stay with him until he falls asleep. Then walk to the entry of the doorway and flip the switch back off and back up slowly and close the door, making sure it doesn’t make a noise that’ll wake him up.
The next hour was just trying to scramble all of the kids together and into their beds.
I finally go up to my own bedroom. The small room at the end of the hall. I turn the dim lights on and shuffle over to my bed and fall onto it without bothering turning the lights off. My eyes slowly close as I think of the last line of the note.
I see beauty. I see faith. I see love.

I started receiving a note every day for December. Always about me and how this person was in love with me. This person actually loved me. I always read the notes all the way through and then stuffed them under the mattress in my room so that no one else would know where they are, and now, it was Christmas Eve.
All of the kids usually only got one present each Christmas, and it was usually just a pair of Christmas socks from Miss. Hannigan, this was the only time of year that she would get us a present. She never gave us presents on our birthdays. But this year, after we all sorted our presents out to one another, there was an extra present under the lit tree. A small, red box with a green and silver ribbon tied around it. The tag had the same cursive, red lettering as the notes that I obtained, and the letters spelled out the name Elizabeth, just like the notes. I smiled to myself and took it in my hand. I walked back over to where I was assigned to sit because my other present was sitting there, waiting to be opened.
That’s when Miss. Hannigan started announcing the rules. “We always go from youngest to oldest, so Benny gets to go first, then Mary, then Roger and so on. Blake, you will go last.” Blake was the oldest, I was the second oldest. He was the only one that actually talks to me as a person and not as a mother or a helper, or even a nanny. He always helped me set and clear the table, do the laundry, put the kids to bed, you know, the chores. But he didn’t have to be forced, he just, did it. He always knew when I was tired or angry because he would always say, “Here, let me do it. You take a break.” And then smiled at me. He was like a brother to me. He’s like the family I never had…
All of the children took their turn to open their gifts. Annabelle got a Christmas Edition Barbie Doll. Carson got a remote control car. This was the first time that Miss. Hannigan actually got a toy or something for the kids. I wonder what I got. The little red box was just sitting there taunting me. “Open me! Open me!” I shook my head. 7 more kids, then me. Melanie got a pack of three hair-bows. Stephanie got a pack of three pairs of stub earrings. 3 more. Jackson got a new kite. 1 more. Katelyn got a new book, Hatchet by Gary Paulsen. Me.
Miss. Hannigan looks over at my stack of two. “Who got you a second present?” she asked bewildered. I ignore her and open the one from her first. A pair of Christmas socks. She laughs an evil laugh and says, “You’re welcome!” I shake it off and look at the little red box in front of me. The design of the snowflakes on the red wrapping paper it just too perfect to want to rip open just to get inside and see the surprise. And the green ribbon adds a nice Christmas “Green and Red” touch to it. I pick it up and start untying the bow. I successfully get the bow off, so I start unwrapping the paper slowly. As I take off the last scrap there was one last note attached to the second little box.

My Dearest Elizabeth,

I hope you love what’s inside. I remembered that you wanted it when we went to the jewelry store that one day to have Jackie’s necklace fixed. I saved up my allowance and birthday money and internship money to buy it. Merry Christmas, Beautiful.
I love you,
Blake


I look up at his face. He looks at me and smiles weakly and then looks away. I can tell he was blushing. He’s the one? I open the lid and see a silver necklace that’s in the shape of a cross, and in the middle, a heart-shaped diamond. I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. What do I say? What do I do? I look up at him and start tearing up. He’s really the one! He’s the one that has been sending me these notes. He’s the one that said he loved me.

“Blake, you-“

“You don’t have to say anything,” he interrupts suddenly.

I shake my head and take his hand. “But, I love you too.” He looked up at that point. We had to be there for what felt like forever, just looking into each other’s eyes, like we were the only two in the room. I start to tear up again slightly. “You didn’t have to do this.” I look at the necklace and then back at him. “This must have cost a fortune. You really didn’t have to get this for me.”

He takes my other hand and smiles at me. “But I wanted to show you how special you are to me.” He leans over and hugs me, then whispers in my ear, so that I’m the only one that can hear, “I wanted to show you that I love you. Merry Christmas, Elizabeth.” He leans back and then smiles at me openly. I could feel the heat advancing in my cheeks.

He opens his gift, socks, and then everyone gets up and runs around. Some kids start begging to help me open their new gift, but instead, I take Blake outside. I close the front door behind me and then look at him.

“Why’d you bring me out here?” he asks.

“Just look,” I say and point up.
Mistletoe.
He looks back at me and smiles. “You brought me out here just for this?” he snickers. “Not that I’m complaining,” he added with a smirk.
“Plus, to say this. Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you so all of this?”
“Because you do all of these wonderful things for the kids and everyone else around you. Even Miss. Hannigan, and we all know that she’s just a wicked old witch! But you never get the same respect that you give to others. I think it’s unfair, and I’ve always been in love with that part of you. Giving, and not taking. Plus, look at you. You’re gorgeous, Elizabeth! You may not see it, but I do. And you’ll always be my family. My best friend.”
“I love you,” I affirm with a smile.
“I love you, too,” he echoes. He takes my cheek with his surprisingly warm hands and tilts his head down to look at me in the eyes. “More than you could ever know.” And then, before I know it, his lips are on mine. We stay like that for a second. Just us standing under the Mistletoe, kissing. Then we both lean back. He takes my hand and we sit down on the steps, the same steps that I sat on when I first saw the note that started it all. I lean my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arm around me. “Merry Christmas,” he murmurs softly in my ear.
“Merry Christmas,” I whisper back.
And just for that moment, my life seemed to begin again. Like this whole time I’ve been on pause and I’ve finally hit play. I let go of all the things that have been holding me back. So on that night, it snowed and snowed, all over the world. It swept the world, end to end. And Christmas was spent close with friends and family that night. So, may the spirit of Christmas bring you peace. The goodness of Christmas bring you hope. But, the people around you bring you love. Be thankful for the things you have and don’t have. You never know when those things can leave you. Merry Christmas and God Bless!