BEEP! BEEP! As my alarm clock went off, I felt the energy rush out of my body as the weak dreariness set in. Another rainy day that I would have to bear through was awaiting me. All I had to do now was get up, turn on the light, and begin. I knew I had to do it, but yet I still contemplated in my head the million reasons I had to never leave this warm bed of mine. The spike of the winter air in my room went up my spine as I stood. Remembering how little time I had to get ready, I raced to the shower to get there before my mom did. My shower was the time for me to actually wake up, lather some shampoo in my hair, and get on with my getting ready process. Showers ease the pain a little bit, but I knew I’d never find my happy self again. Just a little bit of foundation would do the trick for me. I really don’t own much make up. I’m not that kind of girl. Plain and simple is the life for me. However, looking in the mirror to apply it is a struggle. I hate the person staring back at me. I barely know the reasons behind this myself. But all I know is since my dad died two years ago and I’ve had to deal with it all, I haven’t been the same.
Growing up isn’t as fun as they all make it out to be, you know. Quite frankly it’s awful. I never ever pictured my life to be the way it is today. I try and try to remember the happy five year old version of myself, in my daddy’s arms, but I stop to the realization that it’ll never bring him back. Not caring about anything but sleep, not liking who you are, the daily struggle of getting through the school day just to come home to screaming siblings, no close friends, the whole deal, I had it all. It seemed like everything that could go wrong, already has. But what was new in the life of Lena? Certainly not the fake smile I wore every single day to mask my feelings. Even my mom didn’t understand. To everyone else I was your average girl. A quiet, kept to myself, honor student, swimmer. These are the few things that described me to the outside world. To myself, I am disgusting. I am worthless. I am nothing. But I will never show it. I won’t break down and give it all away. The last thing in the world I want is attention from people at school, and to be a burden to my parents. So the bottle to my thoughts and secrets will remain sealed. I can’t help but to secretly pray at night for someone, anyone at all, to come along and simply understand me. So far, no luck. I’m a strong, independent girl, I will admit that, so I’ll be just fine. These teenage years are just a phase, it’ll end one day, I promised myself that. To just hold on until college, then things would get better. Daddy would understand like he used to, there was no doubt in my mind about that. We’d sit on the couch and talk out all our feelings over some popcorn until I fell asleep on his lap, happy as a singing bird. Too bad we couldn’t do that anymore.
“LENA, wake up, get down here, quick! Your dad and I have exciting news for you.” Step-dad, not real dad, I angrily thought as I trudged down the stairs. But I didn’t say anything, strictly for my mother’s sake. I knew she meant well despite the things she did sometimes. Before I could even come sit down at the table and rub my eyes, “Do you remember your cousin Preston, honey? You guys used to get along so well when you were babies!” Who? I thought. But instead nodded in agreement even though I was half awake and pretty much didn’t have a clue. After all it was summer and no teenager should be woken up before noon during these months. However this kind of thing happened more often than you’d think. I babysat my little siblings, like a lot. Almost every other day to be exact. The daily Lena call was usually for a last minute babysitter that I had no choice but to be. Little did I know, I was about to get a lot more news than I bargained for. “Sweetie, dear, your grammy called last night. She wants you two to reconnect! She would like us to be a family again. What do you say?” My first thought was of how different our families were, then I wondered why we even stopped talking to each other in the first place. Then, I remembered I didn’t really care at all. However my thoughts were soon cut off after I saw my step-dad give my mother a slight nudge of the elbow. “Lena I guess what I’m trying to say is you’re staying at your Grandparents camp on Chapman Lake. No questions, you’re going. that is all.” I sighed at the unfairness of it, but decided to save myself the arguing. I knew I could never win with my mom’s new husband by her side. He was the boss after all. Controlling and manipulating my mom is his specialty, I didn’t like to watch it. I vowed to myself that I would never let a man control me like that. And I will stick to it until the day I die.
The drive there was a long one. First an hour on the highway, then another down back roads. And soon we came to a dirty road full of trees. It felt like eternity and the saddest part of it was I couldn’t do anything about it. I had to go, and I wasn’t very happy about it to say the least. As I stared blankly out the window and we passed each of the log cabins I couldn’t help but think how different I knew we were going to be. We slowly came to a halt at a light blue camp. The first thing I noticed was the pretty view of the sparkling lake. I hadn’t seen one in a long time so it was nice. For a split second I felt myself almost think it might not be so bad here. Only to see my grandma’s way-too-happy-about-life face as soon as I looked the opposite way. This was going to be Hell week. I quietly begged my mom to turn the car around with the few seconds I had before my grandma made her way to my car door only to grab me out and scream “HELLO MY SWEET BABY GIRL LENA. Oh how I’ve missed you!” It was almost comforting until I remembered she hadn’t even tried to be in my life for years. Stepping out of the car and making the journey into the camp would be interesting. I just wanted to find my room and take a nap to get my mind off things. Family brought the memories back. The memories that made me so sad at night, the ones that stopped me from eating, the ones that now ruled my life and not in a good way. I didn’t want to think of my dad when I was already having to deal with coming here. As my grandfather walked beside me carrying my suitcase, he explained through grunts that my cousin Preston was already inside waiting and had came a good hour ago. Also that she was waiting in the bunkhouse where we were to stay together. To sleep at least, and of course hangout in and around the camp during the day. To be completely honest I don’t think I could’ve been more nervous to walk through that door and see that face I had so long ago forgotten about. As the door creaked open, my heart pounded faster than ever. I swear it was about to explode. I first saw the long dark brown hair as she turned towards me to the sound of the door opening. Then the pretty blue eyes. So basically she was the opposite as me. All dolled up pretty and perfect. Great, just great. A clearly fake smile came across her face as she introduced herself to us all. Not very shy, I noticed, which might be a very good thing if we were about to have to spend a whole entire week out here. Did i mention there isn’t even cell phone service? Nope, none. Of course it didn’t bother me because you know, no friends, so no one to text. Preston on the other hand casually peeked down and checked her phone more times than I could count. Soon I was waving bye to my mom and saying hello to the camp life with a couple strangers. What do I even call them anyway? Grandma and grandpa, even though they were never that to me? I decided I should stick with that because I thought it’d probably make them feel good to hear it. It was a Sunday night, so Sunday supper was a must. Huge piles full of food. Just from that one meal I realized why my grandfather was a bit on the bigger side. My Grandmother was an excellent cook. Definitely not like at home. But I wouldn’t be eating very much of it anyway. Things simmered down that night pretty quickly. I wanted to go to bed early so that I could claim the good side of the bed and be in there before Preston so that it was easy for me to pretend like I was sleeping. I knew neither of us wanted to make small talk with each other so this way makes it easier. If I’m sleeping, I can’t talk. A relief for both of us. I wasn’t too happy that we had to sleep in the same bed, but what was I gonna do? Make her sleep on the ground? What a great first impression that would be, or whatever you’d call meeting a stranger who’s somehow your family that you’ve only seen twice in your life, and years ago at that. Hopefully some sleep would clear my head before the bad thoughts came rushing in.
Yawning as I stretched, I almost forgot for a second where I was. I rolled over slowly to see if Preston was there, but she wasn’t. I got up and made my way out of the bunkhouse and into the camp. The warm summer air felt good on my face, a nice breath of fresh air to fill my lungs was much needed. It was quiet. I wanted tea so I found the teabags in the cupboard and heated myself up a cup. Spotting a note on the table, I quickly went over to read it. The note read: “We have gone to work but will be home for dinner! You girls have fun and relax today, it’s beautiful outside. We love you!!! -Grammy & Grampy” I guess I had kind of forgotten even old people still worked. They were to be gone all week from 7-5. Oh, lord have mercy on me, what am I supposed to do alone with her for all this time? Peering around the corner, I saw her. Sipping on some hot tea sitting at the table by the big window overlooking the lake in the front room. We actually were the same for once, what a surprise. Our love for tea was equal, woohoo! She saw me so I had to do this weird half smile thing back. I worked up my courage to say hi, and that’s exactly what I did. She motioned for me to come sit down at the opposite end of the table. She kind of started the conversation with asking a few dumb simple questions. I answered and actually asked her a few too. She told me about her friends, her school, her parents and home, and this boy she was hot for. Just from this I could tell what kind of person she was. She didn’t mean any harm but I knew she was exactly how I thought she would be. Rich, spoiled, but yet still not impressed with life. I see these kind of girls daily, it’s actually kind of sad how many there are. However, we all have our problems and it’d be wrong of me not to accept her for who she is. Allthough at the same time I felt jealousy listening to her life throughout that day. I pretended that my life was all great and happy too because I wasn’t about to tell the world about my problems. Sitting out on the lawn chairs and sticking our toes in the water with the sun beating down on us was pleasant. This was going unexplainably well compared to what I expected. Suddenly I felt like this stay was going to be a lot more about Preston’s and my relationship rather than us and our grandparents. That night we slept a little less awkwardly and a little more comfortable. Is this was it feels like to have a friend?
The next morning we woke up together and had tea at the front window. Chattering as teenage girls do the whole time. I didn’t know what I should and shouldn’t tell her though. I was new to this whole other level of a social life. I could feel myself slowly seeping out little things, personal things, that I didn’t expect to even come out of my own mouth. Anyway, It was unusually hot that day. I knew we were on a lake and everything but I completely hated the water itself. It wasn’t so much swimming, because I liked that pretty well. It was more so the fact that I was expected to wear that skimpy of a suit to do so in front of someone else. To be judged for the way I looked was my worse nightmare. So when Preston asked me if I wanted to go for a dip I replied no. She looked puzzled and asked why. She put on her bathing suit anyway and just simply walked around in it. I must’ve had a weird expression on my face while looking at her because she said “What have you never seen a bikini before? Jeez.” And the truth was I didn’t even own one. I wouldn’t be caught dead in one. She kept urging me to just put one on because she didn’t want to swim alone. The number of times she asked frustrated me so much that I burst. Taking my anger of the world out on her, I yelled, asking why she couldn’t just leave me alone about it, and then ran to the bathroom locking the door behind me. I tried not to let her hear the sobbing and heavy breathing through the door. But the tears rolled down my cheeks and I could no longer control them. I didn’t come out for far more than an hour. We did not speak the rest of the day. Supper that night was awkward but our grandparents didn’t notice it. Night fall came and I was totally dreading having to go to bed with her. But that time came and I had to face it. Laying in silence for the first ten minutes was awful. However I soon heard the words “I’m so sorry”. She exclaimed she didn’t mean to upset me or hurt my feelings. But that she could tell that there was something deeper down bothering me. And she was right. There was a lot bothering me on the inside. She told me I didn’t have to share anything I didn’t want to with her, but that she was here for me, always. I felt comfort in that for I had never had it before. It was in that moment that I said to myself “What the hell, what do I even have to lose at this point? Just go for it.” So I talked. I poured it all out that night. I told her every single one of my secrets. It was like I couldn't even stop myself once I got going. I told her the big depressing things, and the tiny ones. How my father died in a plane crash during a sudden storm. That that changed me forever because I was a daddy’s girl and he understood me better than anyone else in this world. How I didn’t like myself but had gotten pretty good at hiding it over the months. How I have an eating disorder and anxiety attacks. I’m 100 pound and still want to be 20 less. I knew it was bad but I couldn’t help myself. I explain how it’s an obsession. To be skinny but yet I never could get that way. I had even had my mom so worried she took me to the doctor and I had to have weigh-ins and keep a food journal. The fact that I had no friends at school. That my step dad was cruel. I break down sometimes as does everyone else in this world. For me, I kind of just go numb to everything. I put my mindset that way to block everything out. I made Preston cry that night. Which made me cry also. It was like a sobbing fest in the bunkhouse, party for two. I’m surprised we didn’t wake up our grandparents. Through those tears she told me I was beautiful inside and out. She told me that I am the strongest person she’s ever met, how I deserve the world. And even how when everything seems to be spinning out of control in this world of ours, it will always get better. She told me her favorite quote, that she lived by this saying of “Everything happen for a reason”. And now, so do I.
The rest of that week was full of smiles and laughter. I didn’t know that just one person could have such an impact on another’s life. Someone I barely knew surprised me so very much. I will openly admit I was wrong about sweet Preston. She isn’t just another one of those snobby girls. She is the best friend I could ever have ask for. We swam, kayaked, took a trip to the beach, got tans, ate lots of snacks, and loved every second of it. Who would’ve thought send me away to camp with strangers would even up being the best thing my mom could’ve ever done for me. Even though that week had to come to an end, we knew it wouldn’t be the last we’d see of each other. A pinky promise, a vow, was made on that last night in the bunkhouse laying there. Every summer from now on we were to do this. Come up here together and just forget the world. This became a tradition as we aged, but we never became tired of it. We named the deep talks we have late at night in the bunkhouse that summer “pillow-talk”. Goodbyes are always hard to do. But Preston was there to remind me that it was just simply a see you later. We keep in touch now, on the daily. Always checking up on one another, encouraging and complementing. Boosting each other through the rough day ahead. There for one another every step of the way. A thousand pounds lifted off my shoulders and a summer I would never forget were now behind me. I gained life lessons and a friendship of a lifetime. I love her and cannot imagine how I would’ve turned out if it weren’t all for her. We are a brunette and a blonde with an inseperable bond.