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I don’t understand how someone could be so persistent and annoying after all this time. It has been two years since the divorce and my mother still doesn’t understand that I don’t want to talk to her. The constant phone calls, texts, emails and now even facetime is only pushing me further away from ever wanting to see her again. I finally had to give in and spend a weekend with her and her new boyfriend, John in their rich and fancy home in Colorado. I wouldn’t exactly say I was the ideal guest, but I went along with her crazy schedule she made for “The Best Weekend Ever!”

My mom cheated on my dad after almost twenty years of marriage. They were the ideal couple; my dad, Wade is a construction manager and my mom, Beth is a social worker. They were the kind of couple that other couples wanted to be. They were young, good-looking and my dad’s humor and mom’s sharp tongue always could entertain a crowd. They got knocked up with me when they were only 18 and decided to get married right after they graduated high school. I’m not saying it was perfect, but it was right. Until, my mom met John and had to mess it all up.

I was fifteen when they filed for divorce and it was like my dad and I were divorcing my mom rather than them just getting divorced. I had to sit and pretend like I was mute while my parents were battling it out for custody of me. After endless meetings and court dates, I was finally old enough to decide for myself. To say I even questioned the decision makes me laugh; I would never want to be around someone that caused so much pain and heartache.

Now, I am seventeen and living with my dad in a small town in western Nebraska. We have been in four different towns in the last two years and I honestly don’t mind. I spend all of my time either at school or on the jobsite with him building houses. Even though every town is new, everything else the town, the people and the school, is the same. We move into a small two bedroom house, he goes to work early in the morning and comes home late at night and I enroll and go to the local high school. For me, life is pretty simple and I do everything possible to keep it that way. I don’t join any clubs, sports teams or anything. What’s the point? In a few months, I’ll just be packing up and moving to another town and never seeing those people again. It’s easier to just go to school, go to the jobsite, and then call it a day. Simple.

It was just another basic day at school, except that it was the last day until summer. Everyone was talking about their big road trips, parties and making college visits. I on the other hand, was less than amused. I was only a junior, and I knew that senior year was supposed to be exciting, but I just wanted the next part of my life to begin already.
When I came home from school that day to grab lunch and go to the site, my dad’s truck was in the driveway. I immediately knew something was wrong because he never came home early.

As I opened the front door and looked inside, I saw him sitting at the table with a letter in his hand. My dad is a very easy-going guy that isn’t serious about anything, but sitting there at the table, having the sternest look on his face, made me want to turn back around and go anywhere but here.

“You’re home early.” I said with a smile.

He looked up at me but didn’t change the look on his face.

“We need to talk. Come sit down.”

Those are the worst four words anyone can ever be told. Nothing good comes from it. It is usually followed by a breakup, told that your dog just died or even a, “you’re grounded.”

“I just a received a letter from your mom’s lawyer threatening to take me back to court unless you spend more time with her.” My dad said with a tired look in his eyes.

“What? It’s not like you’re making me stay here with you. I don’t want to see mom, why can’t she just accept that?”

“She is your mother, and you know I don’t have the time or money to go back and argue with lawyers.”

I was left with no choice. After months of not speaking, I finally called my mother.

“Hey, it’s Josie.” She immediately interrupted in a high pitch squeal and screamed my name.
“Josie! I’m so happy you called. How have you been? What are you up to? How was the last day of junior year? Are you excited you’re a senior? Oh my god, I feel so old!” Typical, I could never get a word in until she ran out of breath.
“I’ll come and spend the summer with you and John if you call your lawyer off and leave my dad alone.” I said in a sharper tone than intended.
“So you got the papers. I just want to spend more time with you sweetie that’s all. It’s not fair that you’re father gets you all to himself.”
“Well it’s not fair you cheated on him either.”
Opps. I have never directly talked to my parents about the divorce. I was just “too young to understand.”
“Listen, is it a deal or not?” I quickly said trying to change the subject.
“John and I are heading down to the beach house in Carrabelle this weekend for the summer, pack your bags and I’ll call my lawyer.”
“Deal.” I said flatly.
One week later, I was in a jam packed SUV headed down to the beach. Saying goodbye to my dad was the hardest part. We had been a team since the day I was born and never been apart for more than a couple of days. How was he going to live an entire summer without me? Who was going to do his laundry? Who was going to make sure that the bills were paid and the lawn was mowed and dinner was hot and ready when he came home? I don’t even think he knows how to cook.
The drive seemed like an eternity. My mother kept on trying to make small talk with me about my school, my friends (my dad’s construction workers) and whether or not I had a boyfriend.
“I don’t have the time or energy to have a boyfriend.”
“Oh come on honey, you’re beautiful! Any guy would be lucky to be with you!”
“Yeah and when I get bored with one just move on to the next one right?” After my last snide comment, I thought it would be best to just put in my headphones and sleep the rest of the way.
Carrabelle had always been one of my favorite places growing up. My grandparents had a house down there and when they passed away, my mother got the house. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a simple beach house. It has two bedrooms, a tiny little kitchen and a big open porch perfect for sitting on at night and looking at the water.
When we finally arrived at the house, I thought we were at the wrong place. There wasn’t a simple beach house; there was a god damn mansion instead. For some reason, this infuriated me. Just because my mother decided to ditch my dad and I, didn’t mean she had to show off by taking me to this extravagant mansion and show me what I was missing out on from her “life of luxury.”
The rest of the night, I acted as if I was a zombie. I walked from room to room on her little tour and gave her an occasional, “Mmhmm” to let her know I was listening but not interested. I would never give her the satisfaction that I was actually jealous of her life and wanted to be a part of it again.
After dinner, I snuck out early and went for a walk around the house. I have to hand it to John, whatever he did, he must do it well. The place was amazing, but I would never admit that out loud. As I came around to the back of the house, there I found the only familiar thing about this place, the swing. Every night when I came here to stay with my grandparents, we would go to the swing on the porch and read books, tell stories and just look out at the water. As I sat there, I couldn’t help but feel sad. It was many years ago, but didn’t feel that long ago that I was happy living with my parents and not having a worry in the world. Now, was anything but.
“I knew I would find you out here.” My mother said in a sympathetic tone that startled me.
“Well it used to be my favorite place, but now it just seems fake. Out of place.”
My mother stood there for a moment thinking, then she sat down next to me.
“When are you going to stop being so angry with me and start enjoying life again? I realize that your father and I’s divorce was hard, but that was between me and him. The last thing we wanted to come from this is you to be unhappy.”
“How could I be happy? You cheated on dad, you guys got divorced, I chose to live with dad and now we move around so much that I don’t have any friends, I don’t play sports anymore and I don’t even have a real home. I don’t mind the moving around, it’s just, don’t try and tell me I should be happy. That is just not in the cards for me right now.”
In the past two years, I wasn’t this honest with anyone, especially my mom. She just sat there and looked at me for a while, then out at the water. I could see the tears in her eyes and it was only a matter of seconds before they were running down her face.
“Josie, you deserve to be happy. I am so sorry for everything that happened and for everything that has happened since. I didn’t realize you weren’t yourself anymore. For your senior year, you should live with John and me, at home. So you can be whoever you want and enjoy your last year before college!” She said with a smile.
“I can’t leave dad.” I said flatly.
“Your father is worried about you too, I talked to him the other day, and he wants this for you. He got a promotion with his job and will be moving around twice as much and wants you to live with me.”
At that point in my life, nothing surprised me. Life is just a mix of repeating patterns if you pay close enough attention to it. But this, this shocked me.
“But what if that’s not what I want?” I asked.
“Well, that’s how it’s going to be. And you’ll thank us for this one day.”
I wasn’t sure that was true when my mom made that announcement. But now, it’s almost second semester of my senior year now, and for the first time in a long time, I can finally say that I am happy. I’m going to the local high school and playing soccer and even have a boyfriend! (Shocking, I know.) I’m enjoying spending time with my mom and John and getting ready for my soon to be little brother to be born. I talk to my dad every day and he is raking in the money now with his promotion and is dating someone named, Tess. I haven’t met her yet, but they are coming to visit in the spring.
Going to school, playing sports again and enjoying my senior year with my friends, I finally understand that you can’t put your life on hold. Life is too short to hold onto the less than perfect things and to let go and move on. That’s why sitting here with my very pregnant mom, John and my boyfriend, I am finally home.