Positive. I stare, shocked, at the pregnancy test in my hand. I’m pregnant? No, I can’t be. It’s my senior year; I’m supposed to go to school in the fall. But I can’t just give up my baby. That would be a terrible thing to do. I need to keep this baby.
Positive. I stare, shocked, at the pregnancy test in my hand. I can’t be pregnant. I’m not ready for this. My whole life is ahead of me. How could this happen? I mean, of course I know how it happened, but how could this happen to me? I’m almost positive that James and I used protection. There’s no way in hell I can keep this baby.
My leg shakes nervously as I sit in the doctor’s office waiting to get my first ultra sound. Mom reaches over and grabs my hand. “It’ll be alright honey. I’ll be with you the whole time.” She says soothingly. I nod and exhale a nervous breath I’d been holding for a while. With that, Dr. Anderson walks in and gets everything set up. Within a minute or two, she’s waving the wand over my belly. I look at the screen in awe. There it is. My child.
My leg shakes nervously as I sit in the doctor’s office waiting to get my first ultra sound. Mom reaches over and squeezes my hand. “It’ll be alright honey. You’re making the right decision.” I nod and wait for the doctor to come in. When she does, it isn’t long until she’s waving the wand over my belly. I stare at the screen. There it is. My child. For now…
My phone rings as I get home from another long day of school. It’s Mom. “Hello?” I say. “Hi Alex, your thirty nine weeks today! How are you feeling?” She asks. “I feel good.” I tell her. “I’m ready for the baby to come.” “Alright Alex, I’m working late tonight. I won’t see you until tomorrow.” “Ok Mom.” I tell her. “I love you Alex.” She says. “I love you to Mom.” As I hang up I feel the baby kick. One week left!
My phone rings as I get home from another long day of school. It’s the adoption agency. “Hello Alex, I think we’ve found the perfect family for you.” Mr. Olson, my adoption agent says. “The Johnson’s, Mark and Elizabeth. They’ve been waiting for almost two years. “Wow.” I say. “That’s a really long time, I’m glad I can do that for someone. “I rub my belly and feel my baby kick. I feel a bit guilty. I’m never going to see my baby after I give it away. Her first words, her first steps, everything.
As I’m lying in bed that night, I feel my baby kick. I love the feeling. It makes up for everything, knowing I have a person growing inside of me. School’s been rough. I’ve been getting the usual names, slut, whore. James, the father has hardly even spoken to me; Mom has been there they whole time though. She was really disappointed in me when she first found out. But it’s just her and I if she left me, I’d be all alone. My thoughts are cut short when I feel a sharp pain in my side.
As I’m lying in bed that night, I feel my baby kick. I try to ignore the feeling. I’m not keeping this baby. I can’t get attached. After this baby is born, I’ll never see it again. School was a drag today, kids are still calling me names and, they know that I’m giving up the baby. I try not to let it get to me though. I know I’m not ready to be a mom. Never getting to see my baby again will be hard though. Should I really do this? My thoughts are cut short by a sharp pain in my side.
One of the worst things about giving birth is the pain. I’d never thought about what it was like to push a person out of me. When I felt contractions coming, I quickly called Mom and we rushed to the hospital. The doctor confirmed that I was in labor and the baby would soon be here. I was in labor for twelve hours. After I pushed out my healthy baby girl, I sat back exhausted. The doctor put her in my arms. “Hi, I’m your Mommy.” I say smiling down. “Welcome to the world Baby Girl.
One of the worst things about giving birth is the pain, it was like no other. When the contractions came, Mom and I rushed to the hospital. In no time I was in the delivery room pushing, “Come on Alex, push, push!” The doctor encourages me. All of a sudden, I hear crying, and to my surprise, I start to cry too. I just gave birth to a healthy baby girl. But she’s not mine. She never will be.
Epilogue, five years later:
Keeping her was the best decision I ever made. I laugh as my baby girl blows bubbles in my face. We’re sitting on our front lawn on a beautiful summer day. It’s small, but it is just me and my little girl. She starts kindergarten in the fall. I wouldn’t change anything.
Epilogue fifteen years later:
Giving her up was the worst decision I ever made. I stand outside a nice, larger house nervously. This is it. This is where she’s been for 15 years. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about her. I walk up to the door, my palms start sweating. I ring the doorbell, take a deep breath and wait. The door opens, and there she is.