She sat staring at herself in the mirror across the room. She felt blank. Empty. Was she actually there, or just a shell? She watched her reflection warily as the voices clashed in her head.
Her reflection became foggy as the voices grew louder. She wanted to cover her ears and cower under her comforter. But she couldn’t. She just sat there listening the voices, tears streaming silently down her face.
You’re not good enough.
What the hell is wrong with you, little girl?
Why are you so weak? Stop crying. Stop living. Why don't you just leave this world? No one wants you here.
She closed her eyes and begged the voices to stop. She stood up only to fall back down onto the protection of her bed. Slowly bringing her knees to her chest, she rocked back and forth as the whisperers continued to haunt her. She took a deep breath and lowered her feet to the ground.
Gasping for breath, she grabbed her pillow and hugged it close to her chest. She bit the pillow as a scream threatened to make its way out. Her eyes flashed to the door. It was locked. Then towards the windows, covered with thick blankets. No one would ever see this. This was her problem and only hers.
Bringing the pillow away from her face, she glanced at the mirror again, taking in the reflection of her red face, glassy eyes and smeared makeup.
What are you doing? Don’t get up. Don’t leave this room. No one wants to see you. No one wants you.
Her reflection glared at her while the voices raged on, as if angry with her for listening.
She lifted her shoulders, took a deep breath and unlocked the door. She checked the hallway to make sure no one was there, and she made her way downstairs.
No one was home. She closed her eyes and opened them slowly, blinking in the strange light illuminating the room ahead of her. She walked the straight line to it, ignoring the voices yelling at her to turn around and go back to her room.
She reached the light and felt an amazing warmth. She smiled for the first time in days as the sun enveloped her. Her skin glowed in the soft, yellow light. She had forgotten how lovely the sun could be.
Go back. Go BACK. GO BACK!
“No,” she said aloud. She said it again a little louder. “GO AWAY,” she screamed.
All went silent. The voices vanished. The world slowed. She felt the black numbness leave her chest and she smiled again.
This dark period was over. It would come again, but each time she knew she would grow stronger. The voices would no longer dictate her every decision. No longer will the voices haunt her. Demean her. She would be alright.