Extemporaneous Speaking-
All men are created equal… uh.. the Constitution. This quote is like… I mean… not unlike… wait; yeah, my topic today which is… um… is America going to… hit the debt ceiling? The answer to that is…. yes? I will, uh, further, do this, talky-thing of my answer in three areas of analysis… One: America. Two: the Debt Ceiling. And lastly being: the… um… uh… I forgot!

The Ballot-
You are beyond NOVICE!
You look Will Ferrell from Talladega Nights, you have no idea what to do with your hands!
Not a hard topic.
“Talky-thing” really?
For the love of God, BLINK!
Don’t give up… or run out of the room.
I rank this speaker: 8
Policy Debate 1AC-
To be… uh.. um… err… resolved… the… U-u-u-nited States…. Fe-fe-fed-d-d-eral Government should… substantially increase… its funding on Tr-tr-transportation In… infra-struct? Is that even a word? To… uh… help.. dredge ports. Solvency…. the US… um… uh… ports are.. good… if you… uh… crap… er… lead… what am I reading?... balls… um… judge… why are you… doesn’t that hurt?... um it… uh… er… um… NUCLEAR WAR!

Policy Debate Cross-Examination Period:

“Who is your Agent of Action?”
I don’t know what that is.
“So you don’t know what an Agent of Action is?
Not a clue
“What is your source of funding”
I… uh… don’t think we have that.
“Then how do you plan on paying for your plan?
It doesn’t… um… cost… money?
“It doesn’t cost money to dredge ports?”
Nope!
“Can I have a copy of your case?”
No….
“Why not?”
Cause you’re the neg, it will help you guys.
“Cause I’m the, what?!”
The negative team.
“Oh my… that’s all for CX!”

Congressional Debate-
So um… I’m going to… uh…. I have how long?... Crap… Camera… uh… spying...NSA… all their… haha… I’m so screwed… the… stalking is bad… don’t uh… crimes… and such… uh… er… and…. the bill… wait its a resolution… oh sorry… don’t laugh… and...uh… em… ah… qua… the…. wu…. bshhhh… that’s… wh-wh-why I think… don’t stalk people kids… so get rid of surveillance cameras… I’m done.

I rank this speaker: (Might as well have not have shown up.)
Lincoln Douglas Debate-
Socrates said that um… knowing… I mean… true wisdom is… um… knowing that you know nothing?... What… I don’t care… Any who!... This relates to the topic of… the American dream? Yeah… That thing… First off is my um… Warrant, I think… Wait why are you banging your head on the table… Stop that… Observation one!... Um… uh… ah… oh… big words… … … Screw it I’m done.

Humorous Interpretation-
… Oh you’re ready when I am… ok… *clears throat*... Crap, how did this thing go? Oh!... IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY! THERE ONCE LIVED A… A… um… PRINCE!... That’s the thing… Wait why are you laughing? I haven’t made the joke yet… Anyways!... …. … I forgot where I left off, can I start over?... … … No?... … … … Why?... … … Oh you want me to leave?... Damn.