Being indoors for nearly the whole day, I had not noticed how dark it had gotten, how empty the streets were, or how much the temperature had dropped. As I left the house, my face had shrugged into my jacket trying to garner a bit more warmth, and my hands immediately went to the insides of my pockets to find my gloves. After I slipped them on, I reached for the last cigarette in my pocket that I had been craving. I took a long, somewhat comforting drag. I endured the weather for a couple more minutes so that I could finish my smoke, then I crushed it under my foot. I checked the time, realizing I was getting late, got in my car, and drove.

As my car went down the darkening streets, I could see the orange haze above the horizon, lighting up the comparably pale sky. Immediately, thoughts of her and fiery red hair crowded my mind. I put down the visor – I wasn’t going to do this myself, not now. In any case, there was a beautiful woman waiting for me in room 115, maybe she was brunette. Either way, I needed to start to move on, or at least start to take the edge off. I knew this probably wasn’t my brightest idea, but it was probably time I started to live a little. I pulled up to the small but discreet Sea Bass Motel and parked the car. I had gotten my friend Luke to give her the key card, and if he truly was my friend, he would do just that. I turned the corner on the first floor of the motel and pulled out my copy of the key from my pocket when I got to room. When I opened the door, the lights were off. I could kind of make out the figure lying on my bed, who turned on the night lamp just moments later. But instead of moving forward, what I saw kept me locked in place as if there were ice in my veins. She was brunette – that was for sure.

A mix of horror and shock invaded her expression, mirroring mine. “Sid?”

My gaze stayed fixed on her, I didn’t say anything; I just stayed there frozen, looking at her until she became blurry. I didn’t even remember blacking out.

A splash of uncomfortably freezing water brought me back to consciousness. I was aware that I was now lying on the bed, the same one she had planned to seduce to me on. I rid my mind of the thought and opened my eyes to Cara’s worried yet angered face, which was hovering above mine.
“Sid? Sid, are you okay?” She slapped my face lightly twice. Cara was about to forcibly open my eyes with her hands to get a closer look when I stopped her.
I sat up and replied, “I’m fine.” I looked her in the eye. “I really am okay. This was just… more than I could handle.”
“That makes two of us.” She got up and headed toward the chair by the door where her jacket was. “Now that you’re awake, I’m leaving.” Cara started to put on a body-length jacket which covered her practically naked body when, once again, I stopped her.
“Wait,” with her back faced toward the door she paused, “don’t go just yet.”
Slowly, she turned to face me with a pained expression. “Why? This has been embarrassing enough for both of us. This way you don’t even have to pay me.”
I walked up to her then, and held her by the arms and when she recoiled. “Cara, it’s been ten years, don’t walk away from me now.”
Her features wore a hard expression as she spoke, “Trust me, I’m already running. And besides, you walked away first.” Cara tried to open the door again, but I grabbed her arm again, determined not to let her get away this time. She tried to free herself but she wasn’t stronger than I was, and eventually she gave in. I brought her over to the bed and sat down next to her. Tears were welling up in her eyes and her will not to look at me was so strong, you’d think my eyes would turn her into stone. Hesitantly, I held her hand, but she didn’t pull away.
“Cara, what happened to you?” I tried to speak as politely as I could.
“I’m not telling you anything,” she snapped back. Even after all this time, it was clear Cara had never let the past go. Cara looked down at my hand then, saw the golden wedding band around my ring finger and scoffed. “Besides, evidently you’re married and you shouldn’t even be here. Should have known you’d still be unfaithful… some things never change.”
I recoiled my hand then, her words still had an effect on me even after ten years. “For your information, Vanessa filed for divorce... she cheated on me if it makes you feel any better.”
“Vanessa, huh,” she shook her head slightly, “high school sweet hearts don’t work together, everyone knows that… can’t say I’m surprised.”
“Yeah, and you, a hooker. Guess life’s just full of surprise’s.”
I felt a sharp pain across my face then, and realized she had hit me. Cara was on her feet now, glaring at me with hurt eyes. “How dare you? I could have left you here unconscious, not caring what happened to you. Instead I made sure you were okay and you have the nerve to insult me further? In any case, you cut the right card when you called me a whore. That only escalated and, look at me, I’m the best hooker in town!”
“Oh shut up, Cara,” I snapped, “you know I was just a stupid teenager and that I didn’t mean anything I said back then. I never meant for you to read any of my stupid text messages to Vanessa. And even so, I was hoping you would just let it go, that it would just blow over.” I was standing then, too, and the tension was almost too much.
“SID! You were the most important person in my life even though you apparently hated me! I took everything you said straight to heart because you’re opinion mattered to me!” She looked at me tiredly. “After that, I tried to tell myself that I didn’t care… instead I just embraced it and slept with any guy who would have me. And voila, here I am.” Cara sat back down then and put her head and her hands. “All those years of friendship and you never even said a word to me after that, didn’t even apologize.”
“What was I supposed to say? Everything you said was true, you didn’t need to hang on to someone like me and I sure as hell didn’t deserve a friend like you! And what are you trying to say Cara, that your life as a prostitute was because of me?”
“Cut the crap, till this day you still can’t get over your pride. And No. I’m saying you’re a dick and I never should have stayed around talking to Mr. Perfect.”
I couldn’t contain my pent up anger any longer at that point, she was working my last nerve. “PERFECT? You think I’m perfect? HAH! My love of twelve years cheated on me, is filing for divorce, and I just lost my job. My life is a mess, so don’t you dare put me up on a high pedestal!”
She looked at me, shaking her head again. “You’re right, Sid. You’re life is a huge mess that I am definitely not interested in getting involved in right now.”
I took a deep breath and decided I should calm down. I sat back beside her again. “Look… neither of us are in great shape right now, from what I can tell, we both need a friend, why don’t we just go get a coffee or something? Let me make this right.”
Cara scoffed, “We haven’t been friends for over ten years now. I don’t even know who you are anymore and I have a funny feeling I don’t really want to know either.”
“At least, let me help you Cara!”
“I don’t want help, nor do I want your help. And Sid, you can’t help me if you can’t even help yourself.” That stuck with me, mostly because it was true. “I should get going, this is a working night after all, and I am not about to take any money from you.” Cara stood up for the last time and went over to her shoes.
“Cara, please don’t do this,” I started to beg, “there has to be a reason why we’ve met again after all this time!”
She slipped on her second shoe and looked at me with a decided look. “Even if that were true, it was probably just for closure. Anyways, you were with Vanessa for twelve years, and before that we were friends for ten. Its time you spend sometime alone and figure out who you are by yourself.”
I walked over to her again, even though I knew she wouldn’t stay this time. “And I will, I’ll do just that, but don’t walk away high and dry! Just give me a number, something… anything!”
Cara smiled at me one last time and said, “Goodbye, Sid.” With that, she opened the door and left the motel room.
Defeated, I went to sit back down on the bed. I still had strong feelings for Vanessa… my goal was to forget about her, the way I felt about her, even if it was for one night, and goddamn did I do just that. The best friend that I had ever had, the only one I ever betrayed, had suddenly made a guest appearance in my life again and she was all I could think about. Ten years ago, I had never agreed with what Vanessa had done to Cara, but I loved her nonetheless because I was just as wrong as she was in turning my back on the only person who ever truly understood me. Now that our marriage had disintegrated, I couldn’t help but feel it was karma catching up with me.
I closed my eyes and thought about my life, how it had turned out. I thought about what life would have been like if I had never let Cara go. I didn’t exactly feel guilty for how her life had turned out… but I didn’t feel innocent either. If I had stayed by her side, if I hadn’t left her with no one to be there for her, would things be different? Would we still have been friends? Would she be in video game design like she had always dreamed of being? Would she get married and have kids instead of selling herself on the streets? I knew only one thing¬ – that I would always be wondering what had ever happened to that girl named Cara.