Phillip Larkin asked me out on a date this morning. We were in Biology and I was finishing up writing the notes on the board. It was 11:49, three minutes until the bell would ring. I could tell he was nervous because his pencil had been furiously tapping since 11:33 and it had been bothering me. I wanted to tell him to stop because the noise was causing me to lose my concentration, but I didn’t. He was licking his lips a lot too. I thought it was because he was thirsty and he needed water. So I got out my water bottle and handed it to him. But instead of taking the water bottle, he took my hand and said, “Will you go to the movies this Friday with me?”

I didn’t even get time to process this question before my best friend, Juliana, squealed from her seat so loudly that everyone in the classroom turned around to see who made that strange animal sound. She must have heard Phillip because she came running over to where Phillip and I were sitting in 4 seconds. She answered for me. She told him that I would love to go on a date and that he should pick me up at 7 on Friday. When he agreed and left the room, Juliana kissed my check and told me that she was very proud of me for finally scoring my first date and that she would come over to my house on Friday to help me get ready.
Her kiss felt like a million angels touched me

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When I came home from school, I stole my sister’s laptop and took into my room where I locked the door. I typed into Google “how do you know if you like someone?” I want to make sure that when I go on my date with Phillip, I can tell if I like him or not. After hours of countless magazine articles, dating quizzes, and sex blogs, I finally came across one key piece of information. You know if you like the person if a tingly sensation passes through your body. Feeling successful from my newfound information, I closed my sister’s laptop and drifted off to sleep.

That night I dreamed of Phillip asking me out just like he did in Biology. But instead of seeing his face, I saw Juliana’s.

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Juliana came over at exactly 5:03. She had brought her hair and makeup kit and plopped it down on my desk. Some of her makeup was leaking onto my papers. I wanted to tell her to get her stuff off my desk but I didn’t. She told me that by the time she was done with me, I was going to look beautiful and sexy. Sexy? Why did I need to look sexy? What does it mean to look sexy? She then told me to sit on the bed and wait while she got my outfit I was going to wear out of her car. Now I was left alone to contemplate what it means to be sexy. Would Phillip like me if I looked sexy? Would Juliana?

Before I could continue that thought, Juliana came back with a lacy red dress and nude ballet flats and told me to change. I could tell she was looking at me as I was taking off my clothes and putting on the red dress. But I didn’t mind.

“OMG YOU LOOK SO HOT!” she told me as I finished zipping up the dress. Then it was time for the makeup. I sat silently and still as she painted my face. I wouldn’t dare open my eyes because then I would have to look into Juliana’s sparkling blue eyes and every time I looked at them I would feel nervous.

At 6:45, she told me she was done and gave me a mirror to look at. I didn’t think I looked sexy. I looked a bit like a baby hooker. I wanted to tell Juliana that Phillip would like me if I was more natural and I wanted the makeup off. But I didn't

“Oh wait sweetie. Do you have any perfume? You have to smell your best.” I told her no. Then I saw her smirk. “Aww okay sweetie. I have an idea.” That’s when she pulled me into a hug. The hug was tight. I could feel her heartbeat on my chest. She rubbed herself on me and I felt her dance around my body. And that’s when I felt it. That tingly feeling. It was coming all over me. It was from that smell. That beautiful enticing smell. So I asked her what it was.

“It's Vanilla Lavender.”

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The date was awkward. When I came outside, Phillip told me I looked pretty. I said thank you. Then we walked over to the movie theater together in complete silence. I was okay with that. He chose a very silly movie for us to watch. It was very predictable and I already knew how it was going to end. The girl would get the boy and they would all live happily ever after. But Phillip seemed to like it. When the movie ended and the theater lights turned on, Phillip told me it was getting late and that he was going to take me home. I said okay. As we were walking though, he asked me out again, saying that maybe Juliana could come with her boyfriend and we could all have a double date.
To that, I said yes.

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Juliana was dating Peter Durkin, the star of the baseball team. Well not really the star. I don’t think there could ever be a star to that team since they always came dead last in their league anyway. But to Juliana, Peter Durkin might as well have been Derek Jeter. She was always talking about him. He was a very handsome guy. He had curly brown hair that fell over his green eyes. He also had freckles across his face and dimples that made him, as Juliana would say, “even more irresistible.” He wasn’t the tallest guy, but he was well built. And he always wore t-shirts with band names on them and acid wash jeans that hugged his legs. Juliana said he was perfect. But to me, he wasn’t good enough for Juliana. Juliana was the perfect one. She had the most beautiful long red hair that fell into little spiral curls at the bottom. Her clothes were always in style and always showed off her curves. Sure she had a nice body, but it was her face that was simply breathtaking. She had the most piercing blue eyes that you couldn’t say no to. And when she got mad, her little nose would scrunch up and her face would get all wrinkly but not in the gross way but like the cute little girl way. And her lips. They were always pink and full. I see boys staring at her lips a lot. I use to think that was what you were supposed to do when you were speaking to someone. So I use to stare at Juliana’s lips too. But she didn’t like that and told me to look her in the eyes when she talked. But I couldn’t do that. So now I just look at the floor.
Her Vanilla Lavender is too much for me to take.

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The night of the double date came and we went to a 50s diner because Juliana claims that ‘”retro is so in right now”. Phillip picked me up again at my house .He told me I looked beautiful. I said thank you. Then he took my hand. I wanted to tell him to let go because his hand was too sweaty and it was gross to touch. But I didn’t. As we walked to the diner, he told me all about fishing and how it was the most amazing pastime ever and how he caught the most amazing fish last summer. I can’t really remember. It was so boring. I wanted to tell him to stop. But I didn’t. Then he told me that one day he was going to take me up to the creek and we could go fishing together. I told him okay.

Eventually we came to the restaurant. Juliana was already there along with Peter. She was in his lap with his hand up her dress and their lips pressed against each other. I could tell Phillip was uncomfortable with this. He was very nervous as well. As we ordered our drinks, I could feel his hand brush up against my knee. And it didn’t stop there. He kept bringing his hand up my leg higher and higher. I looked at Juliana for support, but she was to busy playing tonsil hockey with Peter. When I looked at Phillip, his eyes were on them as well. I think that’s where he got the idea to kiss me from because the next thing I knew he was leaning closer and closer into me until I could smell his minty breath and his cologne. I knew I was seconds away form having my first kiss. But this wasn’t how it was suppose to be. I didn’t get that tingly sensation in my body when Phillip touched me. I wasn’t intoxicated with his smell. And I certainly didn’t want my first kiss to be with him when Juliana was there. So I did what any girl in my situation would do. I slapped him. I slapped him hard across the cheek. When he opened his eyes, he looked dumfounded and sad. And then I felt bad. I looked over to Juliana and Peter and saw that they had momentarily stopped kissing to witness my slap heard across the world.

And I excused myself from the table with Juliana following me outside.

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I wanted to start crying as soon as we reached the parking lot. But I knew that if I cried, Juliana would yell at me. I was not the victim here. At least I thought I wasn’t. It was Phillip right? I embarrassed him by rejecting his kiss in a very mean way. I would have to apologize eventually. And find a new biology partner. And I figured I was not getting a third date after this.

Juliana said I was an idiot. She said how lucky I was to have even scored a date and that I messed it up big time. I was looking at the street but I could tell that Juliana’s eyes were flaming with hurt and anger. Why was she angry? Why does she get the right to be angry? I was the one who lost out on Phillip. I was the one who ruined the only date I could possibly ever get. And here Juliana is and she’s mad at me when I should be the one mad at her. She pressured me to go on this date with a boy I did not like. She made out with her boyfriend in front of us when she knew I had a hard time with public displays of affection. Yes, I should be mad at her for everything she did to me.

But no. I wasn’t mad at her. I wasn’t mad at Phillip for coming onto me.

I was mad at Peter. I was mad at Peter because he got to kiss the most amazing girl in the whole world, who looked like a goddess, talked like an angel and smelled like a thousand fairies dipped her in a decadent flower. He got to hold her hand everyday and get to see her smiling face and know that she was smiling for him. And he got to be alone with her. I don’t know what they did but I’m sure it was something that no loves quiz and no magazine article and no creepy blogs could teach you. And he got to look her in the eyes and got to look at her lips and instead of feeling scared or uncomfortable he got to feel her admiration because she loved him and he loved her. And it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he came into her life just a short while ago when I have been there for her with her every second of every day since we were little. I was there when she didn’t score the part of Maria in the Sound of Music in third grade. I was there when she got gum in her hair in fifth and she had to cut her hair up to her shoulders. I told her she looked beautiful. Peter didn’t. I told her she looked stunning in at the sixth grade dance. I told her she looked gorgeous at the eight grade prom. I told her she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen during our middle school graduation. I told her just yesterday that she was perfect and no other human being could even come close to her.
But Peter beat me. He told her that he loved her and I could never say that to her. He won. And now here I was. In the back of an abandoned 50s diner with my best friend who I have been in love with since I first laid eyes on her. And I had lost. And it wasn’t Peters fault that I lost Juliana. It was mine. I had not guts, No spine. No backbone. I don’t remember a single time in my life when I actually told someone how I felt and what I wanted.

No wonder Juliana didn’t love me. I wouldn’t love me. I kinda suck. And now I had lost her.

“ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?” Juliana yelled as she cut off my thought process. My eyes fell to her lips. They were plump from all her kissing with Peter and they were bright red from her rubytastic lipstick that she loved to wear when she felt in her words, “like a modern Marilyn Monroe.” They were just so kissable, just so inviting, and just so perfect. I felt myself leaning in. I know I shouldn’t have but I did anyways. I leaned in until we our faces were inches apart. I knew that one fatal move would send our friendship down the drain but yet that one move could be the start of my fantasy.

So I did it. I kissed her. I had my first kiss with the only girl who ever loved me for me. It was soft yet rough. Sweet yet spicy. Everything I hoped for and more. She felt so perfect. Like our lips were meant for each other. It was all in sync. The movement, the feeling, it was meant to be. I knew it. She was my missing piece. She was my diamond. She was my love that you only read about in books. She was it. She was the one. But then it ended. It ended as soon as it started. And for the first time in forever, I looked Juliana in the eyes and waited for an answer. Her eyes. The deep dark blue that I’m use to seeing in reflections or in my mind now seemed less haunting. They weren’t actually a deep blue, but a warmer light blue. And the confidence I’m use feeling from them was replaced by an unknown feeling I have never seen in a person.

So I waited. And I waited. I waited for one minute and thirty eight seconds to hear what she had to say.

And then she spoke. “Lets go inside back inside, okay?” She took my hand and led me back inside to the diner.
She didn’t make eye contact with me.
Nothing special happened the rest of the date. We ate in silence. Phillip walked me home in silence. He didn’t ask me out on a third date but he said that I’d see him tomorrow in biology. I said okay

When I came to school that following day, Jenny Bergman, our schools gossip queen as Juliana put it, told me that Juliana and Peter made it to home base. I didn’t know what she meant by that but I figured it had to do with baseball because Peter played baseball.

I looked at Juliana all day in every class but she wouldn’t look back at me. I waited for her to come up and talk to me like she always does, but she didn’t. And I couldn’t go up to her even though I knew something was wrong. So I waited. And waited. And days passed. And those days soon turned into weeks. And those weeks felt like eternity without Juliana. She spent all her time now with Peter. I guess I finally lost her for good. Maybe it was for the best. She always told me that they were in love. I just hope that their love is a real one. One you can only find in books. One where it hurts them to be parted even for one minute. One where they confess their love for each other every second of every day. One where the passion runs deep but the connection runs deeper. I hope Peter gives her that fairytale love. The love I wish I could have given her but didn’t. And I hope that he treats her right. I hope he sees Juliana the way I see her. I hope Peter knows how lucky he is to have gotten a girl like Juliana.

And I hope he loves her Vanilla Lavender scent.