As I see the blue scrubs I wonder how I’ve gone to a classroom at McDra High School to a suicide watch. I guess I would have to put together the fact that my best friend killed himself last year, or that my parents are getting a divorce. My grades are never going to be good enough for any college worth my time or tuition so as the nurses and doctors swarm my bedside I wonder if they chose blue for a reason. I bet it’s because this is the attempted suicide ward and I guess we all feel a little blue.
I don't really remember much before arriving in the white walled emergency room in my small town of four thousand. I remember my parents were fighting so I escaped into my room silently. I remember swallowing the bleach and the pills. I remember I started to throw up and it was bloody. That’s when my mother barged in and asked what in God’s name I had done.
      After that I must have passes out because when I awoke I was surrounded by nurses trying to shove a tube down my throat. I want to die I try to say, but my throat is too sore. I try to cover my mouth with hand, but I find out quickly they are in loopholes or restraints, as are my feet. They force a different tube into my nose and black stuff starts going down it. Charcoal. I start throwing up and a nurse puts my hair up for me while rubbing my back. I must have thrown up all of the bleach because the room gets dark and then I pass out.
     I look up to see a woman come in. She is blonde and petite. She wears a blush shade of lipstick and a god awful shade of blue eye shadow. She introduces herself as Dr. McAndrews. She explains I will be admitted into the psychiatric unit of the hospital. She also informs me that she told my mother about my self harm. I, in no other words, freak out. I have to be sedated. She doesn’t give me enough to make me sleep, just calm. Two to four weeks is my estimation of time I will be at the Mercy Hospital unit seven.
     I have been given the assignment of journaling everything I could remember so as I think back I wonder what really pushed me over the edge. I must have really felt alone. Sitting in group therapy has made me realize that I was absolutely not alone and that many people experience depression first hand. Dr. McAndrews said that my improvement is extraordinary and that if I continue my good habits I will be released soon. This assignment will help me realize that i'm not alone or worthless. I’m honestly glad i didn't die that night and for that I would see those blue scrubs all over again.