Zia had a lot of love going towards her. She was made up of hate and angry. She had it built up inside of her since she didn’t know how to get rid of it.
With all of that built up she took it out negative ways. She used to pop pills, cut herself, set things on fire and did everything to damage anything. She turned to harming her body, since every time she damaged anything else the owner would get upset and angry at her.
It was easier to harm herself because she thought she was just hurting herself. To her she was leaving damage to herself. She was just actually damaging herself physically and the people that loved her mentally.
One of the reasons that Zia stopped cutting was because of her bestfriend, Precious. Precious has had a worse life than Zia. Precious’ mom was murdered, her dad is in jail, and her sister used to cut herself. An addition to it is Zia cutting herself and wanting to commit suicide.
The pills were internally damaging Zia. She wanted to overdose so she almost took a hand full of pills. She had to stop since she kept getting headaches that lasted for days. Zia always took her family’s pills but mainly her mom’s.
When she was cutting she didn’t care about the outcome. She knew she could bleed out. She didn’t care since all she wanted to do was die. She knew she cut too long since when she would cut it didn’t hurt until the blood came out. She decided to cut on a different part of her arm because where was cutting before was over her vains. She started caring about where she cut.
Zia knew where to cut. She knew she could leave possible nerve damage if she cut her legs. If she cut her hands it would be hard to hide. Her arms were perfect because she could hide them easy. She could also lie about what happened.
Zia first started cutting because her mom’s ex-boyfriend always went against her. Every time she did something bad he would tell her mom to beat her. All Zia’s mom would do was yell at her. To Zia it always felt like 2 against 1. Once he left she had no reason to continue.
She continued cutting as a stress reliever. Zia usually had to hurt someone to be calm again. Cutting was the easiest way for her to calm down, she wasn’t cut be normal.
When Zia wasn’t just hurting herself she was hurting one of her friend’s. It was during a summer program in a college when all she was doing was hitting a guy. She dragged him up the stairs. One day she hit his back while they were walking then he just fell. She almost fell laughing. They were at a museum when she acted like he was her boyfriend. She took him everywhere then right in front of the mentor she kicked his nuts. The mentor which was a guy said “I feel that too” as he fell. The mentor was moving as the boy fell. While she was in the program Zia actually started to calm down.
Zia knows she’s not perfect. She knows what triggered her to cut. She knows what triggers her now. She knows how to stop wanting to cut. When she wants to cut she grabs her right wrist. She stops wanting to cut by writing on herself and writing little stories so the main character felt her pain. If she write a story she is most likely hurt by someone. When that happens she has the person that hurt her read it.