She’s the weird girl who only can doodle.
He’s the loner with the hearing aid. Can he even hear us?

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I have no friends. People think I’m special, I’m unique…or perhaps the word is weird. Doodling in my pocket notebook has always been my respite from the nasty world, their insensitive comments. I’ve tried. I’ve tried to socialise. I’ve tried to make friends. Friends whom I can count on. Friends whom I know will never insult me. But those whom I’ve approached just shun away after I speak. Is it because of my croaked voice? My habit of laughing weirdly at trivial things? Or my introverted nature which made all interaction awkward?

My seat is there. Do you see it? That one in the corner? The sole table, alone, away from the rest of the class? I have tried my best. I have tried to get along with my classmates. But for some reason unknown to me, I have never been able to do so. People laugh at me. People insult me. Some even kick me. But for what? My hearing aid? My enunciation? My personality?

Every time I talk to you, you smile awkwardly and gradually shun away. Every time I walk up to you, you change your path momentarily. Every time I say hi to you, you feign ignorance and walk by. People think I don’t like having friends, but that is definitely not the case. I want company; I want love! But I have stopped trying; I’ve tried too hard and always failed. My pocket notebook is now my best friend; he is someone who will always be by my side; he is someone who will never mock me; he is someone who…is a loyal companion indeed.

You don’t take me seriously, you never do! Whatever I say, you mock and pretend to be unable to hear. Whatever I do, you try to obstruct me. Where ever I go, you stand by with a rubber band, readied to shoot me. How do I make friends, if all of you only know how to insult me? Bully me? Mock me? I really tried, but I just can’t do it. My hearing aid, the cause of my demise, is now my best friend. By manipulating it, I can shield myself from the outside world, the cruel and harsh reality, and seek respite in my inner self.

While I’m drawing, I can hear all of you talking behind my back, gossiping, commenting on how I do nothing but draw. That is partially true, but I still do one thing. I cry. Alone at home, facing the four walls, I embrace myself in a depressing mood, and I just cry. My parents died when I was four, I have no siblings, and my neighbour takes care of me, but she isn’t around most of the time. I might seem strong in school, I might seem not to care about all of your remarks, but inside me I do. And I let it all pour out when I’m alone at home in the dark. You won’t know how lonely it is, why would you? You have everything, you have love, you have friends, you have a family. I only have my notebook.

I pretend not to hear your racist remarks targeted at me. I pretend not to comprehend your witty comments about my personality. I pretend not to see all of you grouped up, pointing at me, laughing at me. I can hear all of what you say, I can hear it more perfectly than anyone else. But I pretend not to, what a silly thing to do! My heart breaks, I dread school, why must I subject myself to this torture? But I know I have no choice. Depression starts kicking in, I can feel it! My tears, uncontrollable, start dripping down my cheeks, yet you guys continue mocking me, and it seems to be intensifying! School hates me, I hate school! The only place for me is myself, my mind alone.

I let my imagination run high. My pen whizzes by as I let my mind run loose. Doodling is the only time where I can pour out my bottled emotions, expressing everything I have been keeping to myself. All of you ostracize me at first glance; you don’t understand who I really am, what I really desire! Companionship. But you never do understand. You never tried to. You never cared.

I silently reflected on my life, what I’ve always tried to achieve, but never could. Friendship. I poured it all out on a piece of paper, weaving it into a poem, one which no one but me would ever read. All of you shun me after our first interaction; you don’t bother to learn more about me, you don’t attempt to understand me! The world is a cruel and heartless place to be in, and with the switching off of my hearing aid, I detach myself from the rest of the world…seeking solace in myself. A place where I will never be shunned. Ever.