She never realized it would be this hard. She had told them she wasnt addicted that she could stop any time she wanted but this this was killing her. Her throat was tingling , her hands were shaking , her body was cold and clammy. All she wanted to do was make her way to the bathroom and do what shed always done. But she couldnt anymore. Things had gone to far. Shed been caught. So she sat here with a glass of diet orange soda and her belly full of the pinenapple pizza shed just grossly consumed. She was gross. She was a disgsting human being.

She had always seen herself as gross and disgusting. Since shed been a little girl shed seen herself as fat and overweight. In preschool shthe had refused to eat her goldfish for weeks at a time until the owner had smacked her across the back with a meter stick. Things hadnt gotten better as she got older . Girls started teasing her because her baby fat hadnt gone away yet , because she wasnt the stick thin girl. And than things just got worse. In 6th grade she fell madly in love with this boy shed known all her life. He had choclate skin and deep brown eyes and smooth and short black hair like a black labradors. He was everything she wanted. He had straight A's and perfect jokes and everything about him was perfect. Unlike her .. and he knew that to. Every chance he got he pointed out her every flaw .

This went on for three years but eventually it just became to much. At the end of eigth grade hed called her " a fat , obese , little nobody with no reason to go on " and something had snapped inside of her. He'd pulled a trigger. She had thought about her options. She decided shed never eat again but of course this was harder said than done .. so she did eat but when she ate she made sure to get rid of it any way she could. Throwing up, excersise, and laxatives were her weapons of choice.

This had gone on till the summer of her tenth grade year till one day shed been at a party at her friends house. Shed had two slices of pizza and a piece of cake and the guilt was surging through her. Shed gone to the bathroom and locked the door behind her and knealed as she always did. Twenty minutes later she had walked back out to find all her friends starring at her . What had I done she wondered? They'd heard. And so had her parents. Her mother had been called and shed spent the next to weeks in an eating disorder recovery home. A place she never wanted to go back to. So she couldnt do it .. not today - not ever again. She had to be strong.