Story of My Shadow

Today is the day; Freshman year. I walked in with Natalie and Evyn. Evyn had spent the night before. Natalie, my older sister, is now a senior.
Evyn is my best friend, and has been since we were three. Evyn has long blonde hair, green eyes, full lips. She was pretty short. Im however tall with brown hair and blue lips. Evyn's boyfriend had his arm around her. They've been dating since 7th grade, while I’m a single pringle. I’ve never had a boyfriend. Nor have I ever liked a boy. So I don’t really mind. Anyways Natalie had to go to yearbooks.
“Miska!” Evyn said in a sing songy voice. I turned around and smiled.
“Yes?”
“You excited?!”
“I guess... Just tired”
“Awwwwie... Poor baby.” she said while patting my head. I got butterflies in my stomach. She walked away to have her boyfriend, Chad, walk her to class. I always get upset when she’s with some guy. I don't know why, i always have. I try to get her off my mind.
I was walking, not looking where i'm going; i bumped into some skater-dude. A skateboard in one hand, phone in the other.
“Hey cutie, the name is John, sup?” it seemed like he’s said that at least 1000 times.
“Hey…. I'm Miska.” I say shyly. After he heard my name his eyes got wide.
“THAT'S SO COOL!” he shouted you could hear it all the way to china.
“Yes...Very.. I guess. My mother named me. I have to go. Bye.” I said as I hurried to math.
I looked back, he had a stupid smile on his face. Kind of like my sister when she see Johnny Depp, and she's in love with him.

While I was at math,it hit me. Why have I never liked a boy? Why did I get butterflies with Evyn? When Natalie and Evyn talk about boys, I feel that way only with girls. Does that means I’m gay? Am I gay? What does it even mean to be gay?
I know not everyone accepts gays. Including my father. He thinks being gay is a sin. Yet I was born before my parents got married… I wonder what my mother would think of me. She passed away when I was 8; lung cancer.
My mother was the prettiest woman alive. She was a nurse. Long silver hair, big brown eyes,and she always smelled villana.
The bell rang. Good thing, I always get upset when I think of her. I went to two more classes. I went to Science, my favorite, and History. I had lunch, and Natalie gave me money for food. I waited for Evyn. We saw each other, ran up-hugged. We walked to Taco Time while Evyn went to the restroom. I, called my cousin, who is secretly gay.
“Hey. I have a question.”
“Yeah?”
“How do you know if you're gay?”
“You just know. Why?”
I saw Evyn, “I have to go. Bye.” I hung up… Well that was no help. Evyn and I ate and started to walk back. I started to worry.
“Hey… Evyn?” I said quietly.
“What’s up?” She was so happy… She looked beautiful. I started to cry.
“Hey. Hey. What’s wrong baby girl?” she stopped and hugged me.
“I… think I'm gay.” I cried even harder. I wouldn't let go of her.
“You know I'll love you no matter what, right?” she wiped away my tears. We got to school just in time. She said goodbye and hugged me one last time.

I had gone to all of my classes and I was waiting for Natalie and Evyn. Evyn’s mom picked her up, so it was just Natalie and me, walking one.
“Do you think being gay is a sin?” I blurted out. I broke our wonderful silence.
“Well, no why?” she was curious, I could tell, “You're gay aren't you?” It was silent for a long time.
“You are. In your whole life I've never heard you talk about one boy. How will you tell Father?”
“I don't know. “ I was about to cry again. But I held back. We held hands on the way back home, like we did in elementary.
Natalie was cooking while I was doing the dishes. Father didn't come home often, but this week he is. We sat and watched tv like couch potatoes until he came home. We waited until we heard the car pull in. He gave us a hug and then we set up the table.
We sat down; Natalie kept looking at me. I took a deep breath.
“How was your day father?” I asked.
“Fine-”
“MISKA HAS SOMETHING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!” Natalie interrupted. I wish she never had.  Father looked at me.
“I’m gay.” I said quietly.
“Louder.” He was getting angry, I could tell by the tone of voice.
“I'm gay. I don't care if you think I’m a sin.” I meant it too. I saw father get up, and he struck me.
Natalie cried out, “No father!” but he didn't stop. He just kept hitting me. And I just took it. I saw my sister crying and trying to stop him. I didn't want him to.
After he was done with me, he made me leave. Natalie followed after me.
“I hate you.” she said with anger in her voice. I grabbed my headphones and listened to music. I didn't cry. I just wondered why it was so bad to like a girl?

A couple of weeks passed. Evyn told her boyfriend, Chad, I was gay. He told the whole football team. And then they told everyone. Now the whole school knows. I get death threats in my locker. ‘Kill yourself.’ I'm already planning on it.
I get text messages that I’m worthless, I already know that. Chad told Evyn she can't talk, or be friends with a DIKE. John won't even look me in the eyes.
I had no friends. My father hates me. Everyone wants me to die. My once blue sky is, now black and full of rain, rain that won't stop. I know father has a gun. I grabbed it...Picked up my phone. I made one call, Evyn.
“Ring….Ring….Ring….Ring…. Hi! This is Evyn. Sorry I can't get the phone. I'll call you later! Kisses!”
All I said was, “I love you.” I hung up. Took the gun. And pulled the trigger.