“It’s hard though,” he stared down at his feet, “I mean telling you.”
“I know it’s hard, but you’ve really got to try.”
She took his hand and caressed it gently. His first instinct was to pull away, but he didn't. Instead, he let her squeeze his hand, clinging to him as if he might float away. It hurt. Everything hurt. Why did everything always have to hurt? His stomach was churning. His legs felt like jello. He glanced up at her and immediately regretted it. Her eyes had a strange hopefulness to them, as if she believed nothing could make her love him any less.
“Please, _____ I know it’s hard. But I can't help you if you don't tell me what’s wrong.”
He didn't look up. He couldn’t.
“I just,” his eyes welled up with tears, “I’m sorry. I was so afraid. I didn’t know what to do. I realized how selfish it was of me to.. to even try. It’s just that everything hurt and I wanted to make it stop..”
The words cascaded out of his mouth like vomit. He knew he should stop talking, but he just couldn’t.

She closed her eyes as he spoke, soaking in the dismal words. He was still talking. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he kept talking. Oh, it hurt to see him this way. To see him broken, reduced to nothing but a pile of bones and sadness. As he spoke, she found herself crying, too. Why was she crying? Because she felt his pain? Of course she did. She herself had gone through this kind of thing. If it hadn’t been for her sisters, she never would have made it this far.
“..I thought I was a goner. I was so scared. I couldn’t feel anything. But.. but I saw you. I didn't know if it was a dream or for real but I saw you standing over me. I felt you holding me..”
She couldn’t move. Her eyes were fixated on him. He was sobbing now. Big, heaving, teary sobs. She couldn’t take this anymore. She had to do something.
“Oh. Oh, come here.”
She pulled him closer, wrapping her arms firmly around his thin shoulders. She loved him. Holding him in her arms now, she knew she could never let him go. He was her baby, her sweet little boy. She would never trade him for the world.
“Mommy, I’m so sorry..”

He felt like a child. An infant. A snotty, greedy, ugly, selfish baby. He couldn’t believe how narcissistic he had been. To put his mother through this pain, it was like he wanted her to suffer. But that wasn’t what he intended. He never intended to hurt her. He didn’t know his mother was hurting, too. Her embrace loosened slowly as his sobs became whimpers. She kissed his forehead and laid him back. He clung to her, afraid that she might leave him. Afraid she had stopped loving him. But that was ridiculous. She loved him with all of her heart. Didn’t she?
“Mom?”
Her hands shook as she tucked him in gently.
“Yes?”
“I love you,” he whispered, “like a lot.”
She smiled.
“I love you, honey, so much,” she touched his cheek, “don’t you ever forget it.”