I still remember when our silly flirts were the only medium to hide our love and care. Love, that was free from selfishness, that was strengthening her, that was providing her sky to fly. After all three years of friendship was enough for her to allow me to play with her simplicity and solve her complications. And I could never ignore her, sculpted by scars, she was enough to seize my heed and heart. I never knew when did our bond get that stronger. May be since then when her diary started getting my words and my stories being completed with her contents.

I have seen her suffering. I have seen her being helpless. I have felt how unfair god has been to her. I can define her as a fallen leaf and through all of these, I just keep on praying to god to strengthen me, not to be helpless when she needs me the most.

I was probably a rebellious child with funny and insane talks and may be I was pouring all my goodness only to her. She was familiar to all my crazy and insane stuffs and so was I, to her mental breakdowns. How can a test be so long? For how long it's only her? And literally it had been too long. The tears had started fading her beauty inside but yet my handkerchief had always been there to wipe her tears out. And I believe a day she will furnish her shine with those tears.

" Am I being attached to her? Are my feelings getting stronger? Love? No, stop! It doesn't exist in the world you live ", I convinced myself. I was probably a fool, couldn't understand that it was inevitable. Everything happens for a reason, I continued. I continued loving her, nurturing her. I continued to be the azure sky with widening horizon.

I started saving chocolates for her. I started dreaming about her. Wait, those were not wet dreams rather getting her company when I am cooking food for our children and many more romantic yet charismatic moments. Except her the whole school had started gossiping about us and even the teachers. When they used to talk about this to me, I used to pretend as if nothing such exists but deep inside I used to blush with joy and shy enough to show it. People generally get friend zoned and become so called best friend after rejection but to me, we were friends at first and then further things changed. But actually it was too difficult for me to play the role of friend and lover and still.

The level of my story was beyond attraction, beyond so called things, beyond short timed feelings. I had heard somewhere that once you make a girl smile , she will be yours but the more her lips were getting wider, the more my heart was slipping. I ensure you, if she was my course book, I would have topped the exam. She was the reason I never tried to fall in love again. She is still the reason.

I approaced her. Not a single special day, rather every day, every hour. I thought even she felt the same way, I do for her. I thought may be I can be the one for her, may be I can bring happiness in her life again. But I couldn't realize that she was still going through the trauma. She said," I need time to figure out everything. Time to know where I'm leading to. I know I won't get a guy like you, but I can't cheat on you". And I accepted that.

I never wanted to capture and bound her in a relationship, rather I wanted to be the sky where she could fly . That is what love means to me. She once told me that someday in the future she would be mine if the crossrods of detiby are inevited to meet .

I have moved on in life probably by meeting more girls and even she knows that . But every girl has a vague demeanor in front of her . No matter what happens and who ever comes in my life ahead, noone can get the love and feelings that I owe to her.

When the uphead-priorities became more eminent than love, disputes decorated us from top to bottom. May be we were still best friends but ' so called ' had found space between us. Time changed and probably our relation too.

Complications had created the parted ways among us. It was alright till some extent but with increasing time my mind started getting occupied by random thoughts. Thoughts about her.

"She was like sand,
slipping away from my hand.
I was like water,
trying to hold her together."

My situation then was like pulling a rope which was too difficult when it had already slipped for once and literally I couldn't even hold that if our relationship was not so deep. However I could move on but what about the time we spent together the memories we created forever and addiction she was to me.

May be the story would end someday but love continues. Everything happens for a reason, so is this. It was her love that taught me the meaning of love. Above all those biological needs, daily hangouts, romantic moments there is something, I'm still indulged to and may be till the end. The end which is undetermined. The end which I wish never to come.

The time changes but not the feelings. The situation changes behavior but not the person who he/she really is. So hold on to what is left , what's your own.

Even I have sacrificed a lot.Even I have pretended a lot just to hold on to her. And although people asked me to move on saying that she wouldn't understand, I counsel my heart saying ," she doesn't understand love but I do and I will embrace her and I don't know till when ."
So with fake expressions I always say," Okay, I don't love you "