The smell of vanilla car air freshener fills the air in the silent car. The air is heavy and even the car is waiting for someone to say something in this awkward silence. We sit there not a word said, we both know what is about to happen. I hold his hand thinking this could be the last time i’m in this car, I look at his light brown curly hair and his deep brown eyes as my heart races faster and faster. We lock watery eyes for the first time since he has picked me up, I notice his shaky breath trying to keep the tears in as he makes the words out.

“I don’t think I want to be together anymore”

My head spins I look out the window at the wet sidewalks and the dreary sky as tears cover my cheeks and my chest sinks. I run my fingers through the ends of my waist length dark brown hair nervously, not knowing what to say.

“I’m sorry but I think I need to focus on myself and I don't want to commit to anything long term right now” he said not making eye contact

“You don’t want to commit to anything Long term? We’ve been together for almost two years and you’re just now realizing you don’t want to commit to anything long term?” I cry out angrily. 

“I just need to focus more on soccer and school and getting to where I want to be” he proclaimed trying to make his reason sound better. 

We sat and argued and cried for hours, me blaming him and him blaming me for the reason our relationship has gone downhill. In the middle of him claiming its all my fault and that I overreact about everything and that's why things aren't like how they used to be I pushed the car door open and slammed it shut and started my walk home, I look back to see his head in his hands sobbing. Stomping each step on the way home I see him drive pass me and pull over a little bit in front of me. 

“Morgan get in the car” he whispers angrily, his eyes jerk around insicurly making sure nobody hears him. 

“Morgan” alex says a little louder this time, but I keep walking. 

“Get in the car” he yelled as he grabbed my wrist

“don’t touch me” yanking my hand away and I stomp myself home.  

Walking in my front door slamming it behind me kicking my shoes off and I collapsed on the floor. Sobbing with my head in my knees my mom comes up and sits beside me rubbing my back while we sit in a silent room that is being interrupted by my slight cries. I went to bed that night angry tossing and turning, waking up every other hour being irritated. I woke up angry, I go up stairs begging my mom to let me stay home for the day but she said that I need to keep myself busy and that I needed to go to school. I throw my hair up in a bun and  pull a hoodie on, I drag my sweatpants on and walk myself out the door and into my car with my shoes half on. I look like a complete and utter mess. Going to school that day was hard, walking through the grey depressing halls filled with chattering people getting asked the same question over and over again I felt as though I was living on a scratched up CD and the line it was stuck on was 

“Did you and alex break up?”

It was driving me crazy. I slept through first and second hour, saw alex in the hallway going to my third hour, then cried in the bathroom all through third and fourth hour, then had my mom call me out so I could go home at the beginning of fifth. 

Jumping on my bed sinking into the mattress with my head between two pillows.

I need to get rid of everything that he ever gave me  I thought

I jump up and open my closet and start pulling out every sweatshirt that he gave me, the pile of stuff that was his or he gave I started on my floor has grown to a ridiculous height. The giant stuffed bear he gave me for our one year, the sweatpants he got me for my birthday, the stuffed dog that came with chocolates that he gave me for valentines day and every gift in between was piled on my floor. The last and final thing is this gold necklace that hasn't left my neck since I got it, he got this for me for our year and half anniversary the meaning of this dainty piece of jewelry means the world to me, or it did. I walk over to my mirror and sit on the ground looking at this simple but beautiful necklace, twisting the little chain between my fingers so that the clasp is at the front and I take it off. Looking at my bare neck like i’ve never seen it before, and then I throw it in the monstrous pile in the middle room. As I’m sitting on the floor, I see the old beaten up bat under my bed and an idea pops into my head that I will soon regret I acted on.

 As night falls I put my black leggings on and an oversized black sweatshirt with my black Chuck Taylors and sneak out to my car gripping the rough bat in my hand. As I’m driving I start thinking about how things used to be and how happy we were together, what happened? I pulled into his driveway and a rush of memories flood my brain. We took our first homecoming pictures together here, he tried to teach me how to play soccer in the backyard, what happened to us?  I slyly get out of my car and grab the bat that's in my back seat, I stand there with the bat in my right hand staring at his car. We had our first kiss in this car, we sang to our favorite songs and dance and laughed in this car, we cried in this car. Walking up to his car it almost felt like a forgin object. Tears running down my face as I put my hand on the cold metal door, I swung the bat as hard as I could through the back window as alarms go off I take another shot to the passenger side window and shatter it then the front window as I made my way around bashing his cars windows and everything else I could break. Lights came on in his house, Alex and his parents rushed outside.

“Morgan? Is that you?” Alex said shocked 

“What are you doing!” he said running towards his bashed car.

Tears rushing down my face as I start screaming uncontrollably.

“I loved you and you just stomped all over me, I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life and now I can’t” I screamed as spit flew out of my mouth and tears and snot fill my face. 

“See this is exactly why I wanted you to break up with her she’s crazy” his mom yelled. This felt like a blow to the chest, was it not his idea to break up with me? Did he even want to? I thought his mom liked me, we talked about a lot of personal stuff I thought she was there for me. 

“I just want to be with you” I screamed pushing him in the chest

“Shhhh just calm down still grabbing my arm he pulls me in almost as like a hug, his familiar warmth brings me back to when we used to watch movies in his basement lit by the string light we hung up the first time I ever came over, sitting on the tan couch drinking our favorite sweet tea. Collapsing on the ground, my heart hurts. What have I done? I feel two strong hands pick me up by my arms and lean up against a cold car as tears still wet my face. Cold metal cuffs lock my wrists together. 

“I love you” I keep repeating over and over and over again with each time a tear falls down my face and my voice cracks. The strong hands make an appearance once again on my shoulders leading me into the police car

“Watch your head” a deep voice said clearly.

I lean over and laid in the back of the police car sobbing, the cold leather froze my tears on the ride to the police stations. 

 I’m sitting in a cold metal bench at the police station waiting for my parents to come pick me up. Dry tears tighten my face and my palms red and splintered from the bat. I see my dad walk in the light blueish grey doors and look at me in disgust, but this isn't unusual from my dad, ever since I was born I was a disappointment in his eyes so this is just another thing to add on the long list of things I've done in the past 17 years of my life. My mom following him in she sits next to me and wipes her tears away

“What happened” she asked as her voice cracks,

“I don’t know I was just angry, I’m so sorry” I say as tears fill my eyes again. 

“Mom I am so sorry” I say as I lean my head on her shoulder, as she rubs my back,  

“I just want to go home” I cry as I bury my head into her shoulder even more. I hear distant chatter between my dad and the officer at the desk, it sounds like I can go home but I’m going to need to come back to sort some stuff out about how I’m going to have to pay for the damage I have done and some other legal stuff that I don't quite understand yet.

I’m home sunken in my bed, the monstrous pile of all of his stuff still covers the floor. My dad hasn’t been speaking to me, let alone looking at me. My mom has been treating me like I’m some sort of unstable psycho, she always seems like she's walking on eggshells when she's with me. It’s going to be a long road of recovering trust with my parents and people around me, I also need to learn how to control my anger and resolve my problems in a mature and not so violent way. I can’t go back and erase what I’ve done, but I can't make sure I don't make the same Mistake in the future.