Hi Liam.

I was thinking about us and I thought writing a letter would be the best way to tell you how fun it is to be with you. First of all, very importantly, thank you. Thank you for being my boyfriend through junior and senior year. I’m so happy that we found each other. I know that you are the one that is always thinking about me and I’m sure you already know that (I know, I’m bad at expressing my mind).

But, enough of that. This letter was supposed to be more exciting! Congrats to us! I can’t believe we are graduating highschool tomorrow. We’ll be going to different schools and I wish we could see each other often. Maybe I can go to California to see you on Thanksgiving break! And you can come to New York for the new year! That will be so nice. I promise, I will try hard to be the best programmer and you will be the best biologist ever. (you know I’m not just being nice and saying nice things) I know we are still young, but I hope that we can still find our way back to each other in the future after we graduate college.

I wanted to tell you what I realized, so please read the rest of the letter picturing me as I write it.. Time is worth money right? If you are an important figure, your time is worth a lot of money and it is the opposite for someone not important. See, for me, my time might be worth about minimum wage right now. You know how I have always told you that my dream is to become successful? Some people think I won’t be able to achieve my goal, but I strongly believe that I will. I want to code lines that run the world. I want my codes to be an important aspect of the world. I believe in myself; I believe in my passion, and you always supported me with it. Thank you again, and I love that you always listen to me. One of the things that I like most about you is that you don’t hesitate to help me fix me or suggest better ideas. I think that’s what caring is. Anyway, what I wanted to say is, (look at how unorganized this is, doesn’t feel like something I wrote) in the future, my time will be worth much more than now, maybe hundreds of times more. And you will be the one I spend my time with. You are someone who really matters to me and will still be in the future. So be proud, and please stay with me.

LOVE,

Amelia

It has been 11 years since I wrote this letter to Liam and I read it again today. Looking back at this letter it brought back so many memories. It was when we were still highschoolers. It was the day before we broke up, the day of the graduation; I remember crying for hours and hours after we did. It is still one of the days of my life that I hate the most because of the uncertain circumstances that we ended up in. My biggest regret is that I never got to give the letter to him.

“I… don’t think we will be able to keep liking each other.” These were the exact words he said to me at the party after the graduation ceremony. He left me standing alone, in the middle of the hallway, and if my friends didn’t come to find me, I would’ve stood there for many more minutes. I immediately started crying and I don’t remember how that day ended. His reasoning was that we would be so stressed with school and other commitments that we won't have the energy or time for each other, how teenager-like. It was the worst choice he made. But three years ago we started dating again since we saw each other for the first time after high school at a science conference. I didn’t think much about him after high school since I was so focused on my work every single day but I knew it was him. We both changed a lot - he looked so different and I looked so different but we somehow recognized each other. I always hated how we broke up but I was able to tell he is more mature and he would not do that again. My high school years were forgotten in my memory but as I saw him I realized how much I missed him. He also said that he felt the same thing when we talked about it later.

And he proposed today. In such a ‘him’ way. It was completely out of the blue but it was romantic.

He called me in the morning and asked, “Do you want to eat dinner together? I found a nice place.”

“Sure. What time?” I responded.

“I’ll pick you up from work at 6.”

“Okay. See you then.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too!”

Before, I was always the one to plan everything and it was rare for him to tell me what time or where. (he always told me where he wanted to go with me but he never actually made it happen, I did) That’s why this came as such a surprise to me. What a big improvement, I thought, and I like it. Or, maybe he has something planned.

He came five minutes early like he always does. He was right there, shining like always, smiling as he found me. We went to the restaurant with a jazz band playing Christmas songs. I ordered medium steak and Liam ordered one that was medium-welldone. We had to choose from ricotta cheese salad and mini margarita pizza - we decided on ricotta cheese salad because Liam said he had pizza for lunch.

“This place is so nice!” I said. Earlier, there was a light snowfall, which brought a smile to my face. It was so cold outside that my nose and cheeks turned red, but the warm air of the restaurant quickly melted my face and hands. The restaurant had a view of a snowy street full of Christmas decorations that we admired through a nearby frosted window. The food there was also very delicious; I didn’t know why but the few baked garlics that came with steak were so good. Because we both had some work to do, we grabbed some coffee and he drove to my apartment to drop me off. When we arrived, he opened the trunk, digging deep to find a small, brown paper bag.

“Amelia?” He called my name and walked towards me.

“Yeah?” I said, confused. I was curious as to what was in the bag and if it was for me.

“It’s a Christmas gift. I know it’s a bit early but there’s only two weeks left.” I was so surprised and broke into a big smile.

“Oh, thank you! Sorry I don’t have one for you yet; I haven’t gone Christmas shopping yet.” 

“I wanted to give it to you early this year.”

“Aww, thanks.” I gave him a quick hug.

“Of course. Actually, I should go now.” And he left after we told each other I love you several times. When I opened the bag, it had two boxes and a letter.

‘Amelia, will you marry me? I wish to be with you every day until we die. I wish to be your husband.’

I did not expect this. My mind went blank for a moment; all my stress and worries disappeared. Soon, a rush of emotions crashed onto me. I was so happy. I’ve never planned anything about my marriage before, I thought. I usually plan everything and like to be in control, but was too busy to plan about marriage. I kept reading the rest of the letter on thick textured paper.

‘I wanted to kneel and propose like everyone else does, the traditional way! But knowing who I’m proposing to, I think this is the best way for us. Marriage is a big deal and you always make the right choice for yourself; I think you choosing what is most beneficial to you still works here. But, I know that these sorts of decisions take a long time so please don’t rush to answer me right now. Your yes will be the best Christmas gift for me to receive.’

He knew me well. He knew me so well. I opened the larger box in the bag, which contained perfume that smelled like rose. It was rose scant but there was uniqueness to it. It was something different from any of the rose perfumes I’ve smelled before. The other box, the smaller one, was the ring. Silver banded, small diamonds surrounding the bigger one in the center. Looking at the gifts that he got me and rereading the letter, tears started to flow out of my eyes. I started thinking.

Do I want to marry him?

I don’t know.

Do I love him?

I do.

Will I be happy with him?

I don’t know.

Do I want to get married?

Not really.

Because marriage was not a thing I thought about often, I did not want to get married just yet. It might sound weird but that’s just how I felt. I loved him but I also thought that it would feel like being confined in an invisible frame. It takes lots of commitment to be in a relationship and most importantly, to continue it. I like Liam and I recognize how much commitment we have to each other. But, marriage is a big change. It will take a new level of commitment. We will live together, see each other’s negative sides more than we did before, and we might fight too. Am I going to say no then? ‘But you know you don’t want to lose him, Amelia. You know he is such a big and important part of yourself.’ I thought. I continued to think about all of the happy memories with him. I thought about all the bad memories with him. I checked time on my phone and realized it was past 9:00. I had so much work to do which made me spend the rest of the day doing it. I went to bed right after. 

Next morning, I was so deep into thinking about it even at work. I again thought about all of the happy memories I have. I thought about all the bad memories too. Suddenly I realized how he was part of all my happy memories in the last three years. I realized that he was the one that supported and stood next to me whenever I was sad or having bad times. He was there, always.

I imagined it all. I weighed the negatives and the positives and I’ve decided that I want to marry him. I ran to my apartment to put on the ring and the letter I wrote in highschool as a gift since he gave me one. My heart felt so full. I drove fast to his school where he teaches and called him. He was free this time on Wednesdays. In a few minutes, he was right there, walking fast towards me. I raised my left hand and waved to him while trying to show him the ring. He smiled.