“Love means never having to say you’re sorry, and I will never be sorry for being in love with you, no matter how wrong it is,” he looked down defiantly though his thick mess of black hair. Tears welled up in my eyes. Help me! Please somebody save me! Those would have been the words I would have screamed if I hadn't have been gagged and tied to a chair in this mans basement. He leaned forward and his sweating hand gently tried to caress my face. The tears pooled over and slowly ran down my terror stricken face.

“Don't be afraid, it will be over soon. We will be able to live together forever,” he cooed in what I assume to be a comforting way. It obviously had the reverse effect on me. I bit down as callous as I could on the gag but I only achieved in making my teeth ache. Of all the girls in the world, why me!? Rhetorical questions have no effect when they could not be verbalized, and I had little chance of verbalizing them when I was in such a situation. I found it remarkable how calm I could be at such a moment of trepidation.

My captor looked at me through his thickly, framed, glasses, and I couldn't help but wonder... What would Jayden do after he found out I was missing... Jayden.... Oh gosh. So many regrets involved with one boy. How I wished I could have told him that I cared so deeply for him. He was my best friend and I had been in love with him for years. Now, he would never know, and I would never have the chance to tell him, all thanks to my psychopathic calculus teacher, who had been stalking me for over a month.

Jayden how I so longed to see his easy going smile, and the mischievous twinkle in his eyes when he was telling a crude joke. My best friend. My only friend. The one person I could have ever depended on, and I would be unable to say good-bye.

My captor was staring at me now, and I saw the hint of a smirk cross his face. Oh gosh. Now I'm in for it. It's over. I. Am. Going. To. Die. I closed my eye expecting the worst. BANG.

PAIN. Searing. Lashing. Tormenting. Mind-numbing. PAIN. I bit down as hard as I could on the gag, until it felt that my teeth would shatter; they didn't. I slowly opened my eyelids as if I was awakening from a trance. Crimson stained my white blouse, and the smell of rusted pennies made me almost swoon.

“I'm sorry... I missed... I must have been shaking pretty badly... It won't happen again. We will be together... soon,” he mumbled now, but I could barely focus. I was focused on trying to breathe. Every breath I took seemed harder than the last.

I looked down to see a gaping-red-mouth-like hole under my rib cage on my left side. “Good-bye Jayden. I'm sorry I never told you how I felt,” I whispered it like a prayer.

BANG. It couldn't be long now. I would probably bleed to death soon. I only wondered why I felt no pain. Oh well, at least it would be quick.

I was starting to lost consciousness. Death seemed inevitable but at least is was a release from the pain. Only a matter of time now. Just accept it, I didn't want to fight the inevitable. I was slipping in and out of consciousness.

“Narissara! Narissara! Wake up. Please... I'm beggin' you to wake up,” Jayden's sugar-sweet voice came to me even now. Warm pressure on my forearm. It was like he was holding me, like he didn't want to let me go. At least my last visions were nice, so this is what it means to watch your life flash before your eyes... I might as well succumb to my fantasy, after all I didn't want to have any regrets.

“Jayden... I love you. Don't let me go...”

“Narissara. I.... you.... wait for me,” I faded into the black without hearing all his words.
_______________________________________________________________

I rolled over. How uncomfortable. Isn't heaven supposed to be nice? I tried to open my eyes, and failed. Tried again, failed again. Am I blind in heaven?

“Doctor! She's moving! Doctor, come here quick!”

Doctor? They have doctors in heaven too? Odd. Wait... It took me a while to comprehend what was going on. Was I alive? I felt. I smelled. I heard. Was it possible? Maybe.... Hopefully.... Yes!?

“Jay...Jay...en...Jay...den...Jayden,” I called his name, although my mouth tasted like cotton balls.

“Honey you shouldn't talk,” it was the same voice who called for the doctor. “Honey it's been a long time... You haven't been awake for a while.”

I paused. What was she trying to say!?

“Wh...at...iz....th..ee...date?,” I managed to stutter out.

“It's October honey,” she said in a soothing manner. It did not sooth me the least.

“Wh...at....is....the....ye..ar?”

“You have been asleep for a while honey... You lost a lot of blood, your heart stopped three times. You are lucky to be alive,” she trailed off giving me no answers.


“How...lo...ng?”

“Three years, honey.”

Three years of my life gone. For what!? A selfish man!? Why!? Why me!? Where is Jayden!?

“Jay... den... Where...iz... he....?”

She didn't answer.

My voice rose.

“Where.....iz... he?”

“Honey, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you... He moved away quite some time ago. About a year ago in fact. He left after your heart stopped the third time, I never had the opportunity to tell him you made it thought that.”

I let out an indignant cry. WHY!? My life was falling apart and my best friend, not to mention the person I loved was gone to goodness knows where!

I closed my eyes. I just had to remember the words Jayden told me, “nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” I just hope that this ending will be a good one.
_________________________________________________________________


Two more years passed. Three. Four. I had just turned twenty-four. Before I knew it I was fully rehabilitated. I never saw Jayden in this time. He left town with no new address or phone number, I had no way to contact him, and yet his place in my heart never seemed to fade. I found out later that my captor had shot himself.

I went to college. I followed my dreams. I tried to follow Jayden, but I could never seem to find him.
_______________________________________________________________________________


When I turned twenty-six I found him. Before I went to work I was reading my favorite news magazine, and in that magazine there he was. Ranked the seventeenth most influential person of the year. The passage read as so:

Jayden R. Neal
Number Seventeen

Also known as the lonely hero. His research in the field of comatose has saved a commendable amount of lives, but what is is that motivates him? When asked this question he replied, “There was once someone I loved, and lost due to comatose, and I don't want this to happen to anyone else. Hence, I devoted my life to save people who had the same condition as her.”


After I read this article it was easy to find out where he lived, all I had to do was pack my bags and leave town.


Autumn was when I saw him again. He had changed. He was a lot taller now, his messy blonde hair was darker, his grey eyes wiser, but I knew with a single glance it was him. Jayden, the only boy I ever loved; my best friend.

“Jayden...,” my voice was timid. What if he didn't recognize me?

He turned around lethargically, his grey eyes void of any emotion.

“Do I know you?”

My heart sank. He did not remember me. How stupid of me to assume he would.

“You used to,” I swiftly turned around I didn't want this stranger to see my tears, to see my hope shatter under a broken sky.

“Wait!”

I paused.

“I have a feeling I'm forgetting something important. Something that should be obvious... but I don't know what.”

“Never mind. It's not important anyways.”

“Can we just start over from the beginning stranger. I didn't mean to offend you. I can't remember everybody I met.”

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending,” I muttered.

He froze, and paled. It looked as though he saw a ghost.

“No... Impossible. You can't be... She died... !”

I blinked.

“I didn't die. My heart stopped but I didn't die.”

“Narissara?”

His voice broke.

I nodded.

He took two steps towards me, when he did something I have never, in my whole eight years of knowing him, seen. He cried. Small tears leaked from his eyes.

“You are alive... If I had known I would have went back. I SWEAR. I would have found you. Why!? Why did I ever leave you!? I left the person I cared for all alone,” his sentences were broken.

I did something I waited over seven years to do, I hugged him.

“Jayden I love you, I never had the chance to tell you but it's true.”

“But you did tell me. I love you too Narissara, you are and always will be my best friend.”

Friend!? That single word almost made me fall over.

“Narissara I'm so happy to know your alive! We have so much to catch up on. Did you know I got married?”

Married. Married. Married. It rang though my head but I couldn't accept it.

“I also have a baby son!”

Son!? But... but....but.... I LOVE you!

“I'm so happy right now!”

I looked into his eyes and I knew. I knew I would never be able to tell him what I meant by love. It would cause him too much distress. If you love someone you have to let them go, and if they don't come back then they were never yours. I love Jayden, but because I love him I can't tell him. I can only wish him happiness, and hope that one day I will find my own happiness. Of course I regret not telling him, but nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. This ending for me will be a good one I will move on and meet someone, or so I hope.