His eyes, blue as the ocean, staring intently at the chalkboard. His smile, so perfect and white. His hair like a golden sea of curls. His muscles like bronze. His complection the smoothest shade of tan I had ever seen. Why must he tease us?

Ryan, the guy I had been admiring intently, was my best friend. It was such a shame that he was gay. So many times he had been hit on by new students and he had to turn them down. That was only once he was in high school. When he was in middle school he would have date girls just to hide his true sexuality. Once in a truth or dare he had revealed to me that he was gay. Me being his best friend kept it to myslef until he decided to tell it to everyone else.

My parents had raised me in the old fashion way, work hard for an honest days pay, a family should consist of husband and a wife, and honesty is the best solution even when it hurts. These were the principals that I was raised on. Ryan, however, was not raised this way. His father left when he was three. He had no 'proper up raising' according to my father. As they say "Opposites attract"!

We were best friends and had been since 5th grade. I had fallen off the swing and while everyone else stood arround and laughed at me Ryan came and helped me. At this time I was not at all popular and Ryan was the exact opposite. He was the most popular guy in the entire grade. He became me best friend right there.

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He met me by my locker to help me fix my hair. A little comb here a bobby pin there, spritz sprtiz and done. That’s one good thing about having a gay friend.

"Well off to science class" I exclaimed with sarcasim.

"Have fun and don't let your hair fall" he called with laughter as I walked away.

I love him. In the big brother kind of way sometimes, but others in the I Love You kinda way. The way that makes me wish with all my heart that he wasn't gay. The way that you feel when you find that one person that you think you could spend the rest of your life with. Then I fall from my cloud and come back to reality and let all my dreams fly out the window.

At night I lay there sometimes and wonder what it would be like if he wasn't gay. I wonder if he would have helped me when I fell off the swing or just laughed at me with the rest of them. I wonder if he would have ever even noticed me. I wonder what it would be like to date him. I wonder what it would be like to have him put his arms around me, not in the best friend way but the boyfriend-I-love-you way. I wonder what it would be like to kiss him, to kiss those soft, plump, perfect lips.

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The next morning he came over to do my hair and make-up. I had no idea that he had even enter the house and dropped my robe to get dressed for the school day. He stood there in my doorway and watched as I dressed. I turned around and suprising ask "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough, now let's get started with that hair. We don't have much time left."

After finally deciding on a new updo and the perfect shade of eye shadow we jumped in his car and left for school. On the way we talked about our usual morning stuff, breakfast, what happened last night or the magazine Ryan had picked up that morning. I loved these little rides. They were special to us.

When I got there I was greeted by Jake, the guy who had persistantly asked me out everyday. He followed me and Ryan to my locker telling my how much he loved me and how we were meant to be together. After putting my books in my locker I turned around to tell him off once again and he leaned in to kiss me. I turn around and was met by those soft, plump, perfect lips of Ryan's. That five seconds perfect heaven seemed to last for ever, yet it didn't go on long enough. Jake then stomped off in disgust.

"What was that for?" I asked

"Someone had to get rid of him." He replied casually

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These little moments kept happening more often. A hug here, holding my hand there, and the most prominate on, the goodbye kiss. He would kiss me every time we left each other. Weather it be just for one class or for the night. I didn't think anything of it at first becaue he was gay. My mom was the first to notice it.

I was sitting at breakfast one morning when she asked "When is your boyfriend comming over?"

"Mom he is not my boyfriend. He is gay" Then I realized all the little things that he had been doing lately. The accidental hug, the brushing of the hands, the goodbye kiss, it all set in right then. I decided to invite him over for one of our makeover weekends.

We started with nails and while mine were drying we looked at the magazine that had arrived in the mail earlier that day. After trying some new hair styles, we played the game that we had made up in 5th grade. It was our own little version of truth or dare. We would write down the truths or dares and put then in a hat. We would then draw out a piece of paper. On one I wrote ‘Are you gay?’ Just as I had wanted he drew it out. He sat there and starred at it for the longestest time while mind raced with thoughts; did I go too far? Should I have written it? What if he isn’t? What will happen next? He looked at me with the most serious face and said

“Katie, I have some news for you. I am not gay. I have lied about being gay for years now just so that I could get close to you. I have fallen in love with you. I can’t keep it a secret anymore. It's aching my heart to keep it to myself. I love you and want to be with you for the rest of our lives.”

“I...I don’t know what to say. I mean I have always loved you. I have even dreamed of the day when you would tell me that you weren’t gay, but now that it’s here I don’t know what to do” Just then he leaned in and kissed me with those perfect, soft, plump lips. I couldn’t stop, it was perfect. The day that I had dreamt of for years had finally come to life. I ran my hands through his golden sea of curls. I felt his strong muscles against my body. The moment finally ended when we heard my mother coming down the hallway. Thank goodness for creeky floors.


“Lunch is ready”she said while cautiously opening the door


After a very normal lunch we went back upstairs to my room. We sat on my floor in silence for what seemed enterinity. Finally Jake got up and laid down on my bed and motioned for me to join him. So I did. He pulled me next to him and I could feel his heartbeat. We laid there and talked for a minute or two when he leaned in and kissed me again. This time was much longer and more intent. I ran my hand over his muscles as he took his shirt off. He smiled at me with that perfect white smile and I knew everything was going to be just fine.