I lay on my back and lost myself in my memories. I didn’t live in the past; I just enjoyed all the memories I had. It was odd how I even enjoyed the ones that sometimes brought back tears. Maybe that was because I learned from my mistakes with those memories.
I was walking down the street. It was a grey skied early summer’s day; that meant it was humid. That was gross. But the grey skies fit how I felt. A moment that sunny skies once fit was suddenly pushed away with grey skies and my mood and the moment fit it perfectly. I knew that the moment Clara opened the door she would notice that I had been crying five minutes prior. I knew that it was noticeable on my face; when I cried it wasn’t where the tears just fell. No, my eyes got feverously red, the tears ran down my cheeks like they were sprinting to win a gold medal, and my cheeks got red. Then after I was done crying, my face stayed red, but then lost color the moment the empty feeling that always tends to follow crying came.
I reached her house, it was a path I could walk in my sleep. I knocked on the door, though I had thought about turning back and crying to a pillow or just sitting on my swing in the garden. But I decided I needed to be with Clara.
“Hey…!” Clara said, she was excited at first when she saw it was me, and then she realized I had been crying. She immediately ushered me in and brought me in for a hug. “What’s wrong Tawn?”
I sobbed on her shoulder. There is something about a sign of compassion when you’re hurt or crying that just causes you to have to cry even more or at least it’s that way for me.
“Shh, what’s wrong Tawny?” She stroked my hair. The way my mother or Tatum would’ve, but it was different coming from Clara. Maybe that’s because we weren’t blood related.
I caught my breath between sobs, and said quietly into Clara’s shoulder, “Quinton broke up with me.”
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry!” Clara could pull off calling someone “honey”; she just had that confidence to her that she could say that without it being weird.
“Seven and a half months are just gone now.” I said looking at her now. I wiped my tears.
“No, they’re not just gone, they’re memories.”
“I don’t want them to be memories though, Clara! I want them to be the present.” I said, uncontrollably my voice got emotional and a tear streamed my cheek, though I wanted to stop it.
Clara led me away from the entrance of her house and upstairs to her bedroom. Her bedroom wasn’t clean, like always. I would normally clean it for her whenever I came over. I ignored the clothes and papers on the floor. I sat down on her bed and hugged a pillow in my lap. I knew I looked pathetic and weak and empty, but that’s exactly how I felt.
Clara had never been with someone for seven and a half months. Her longest relationship was four months. She had told someone she loved them, but I highly doubt that it was like this. I truly loved Quinton. I looked into his eyes and I wanted to go to every school dance, ride in the passenger seat of his car, go to the lake every summer, have a perfect Valentine’s Day with, and maybe even a life after high school together. I wanted all of that with him. I didn’t see it ending. Let alone the reason why it ended.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Clara said grabbing me a box of Kleenex.
I nodded. But I stayed quiet. Where do I begin?
Clara sat down to my right; I could tell she was concerned. But I knew she would let me take my time. I closed my eyes, trying to hold back any tears that might fall, and make them stay back. I took a deep breath. I knew that the moment I said it would be the moment it would become real. But I had to do it…
“He cheated. And I didn’t know it.”
Gosh, could I be anymore naïve?
“You’re joking!” Clara said, she always said that when she was shocked about something.
“She goes to a different school than us. And she’s a year older. He had been with her for a month and a half. He said he thought there was more between them than there was us.” I said speaking quietly. I was trying not to cry. Saying it made it feel set in stone.
“I can’t believe him. Seven and a half months must not mean much to him.”
“And it means the world to me…” I said, I swallowed hard, realizing that more tears might come.
“Clara! Alex is here!” Johnny, Clara’s older brother yelled from downstairs.
“I’m upstairs, he can come up.” Clara said. She knew I wouldn’t mind. I needed as many friends as I could have right now; especially Clara and Alex, they’re my two closest friends.
I sniffled, sobbing and crying so much made my nose stuffy like I had a cold.
Alex came into Clara’s bedroom. He immediately saw me sitting on her bed. His smile quickly became concerned. “Hey, what’s up?” He crossed the messy floor and sat down on my left side.
“Quinton cheated on me.”
Alex bit his bottom lip. “Want me to go beat his a**?”
I shook my head. “Please don’t.” I muttered.
“Why not? He deserves it.”
“It will only make things worse.” I said dully, not that it could get any worse than what it was now.
“Only for him though. A broken nose could do him some good.”
“It won’t do you any good, Alex.” I said.
Alex put his arm around me, “I don’t care Tawny. I care about you. Are you going to be okay?”
“Alex, I have no clue.”
“Well it’s okay, we’re here for you,” Alex said. I hugged him tight and Clara joined in the hug.
I found comfort in that moment, I was going to be okay, I was surrounded by my two best friends.
Looking back on that day, late June summer’s day that Quinton Adkins dumped me for some other girl who I had only seen in pictures I could understand why Alex and Clara said that they didn’t want to see me get hurt again. It made sense. They were there for me. I spent two weeks trying to put the pieces of my heart back together again. And I don’t think I could’ve done it nearly as well without them.