To my Dearest True Love,

I desperately wish I could have a name to address this letter to. This is my love letter to, as in “I’m in love with you” letter. Not love, but in love. Because you see, there’s a huge difference. I love a lot of people, and I even love a boy right now, but that doesn’t mean I am in love. I would like to think I am in love with this boy, but I don’t have the slightest clue if it’s you. If he’s you, my one true love. There’s almost 0 chance that he is, but I am okay with that. Because when I and you get together, it won’t matter. None of this will. And well, if this letter is actually being read by that boy I won’t be disappointed either.

I don’t think I have met you yet. At least I am pretty sure. I wish I have. I need you, I feel so alone sometimes. Only God can really make things all better, I hold onto those promises He has given me about you. I know you’re out there somewhere, I don’t know what you’re doing or where you are. But just knowing that you exist makes things a whole lot better. See? You haven’t even spoken to me, but you already make me so very happy.

I will love everything about you, you know. I will love your laugh, I will love your beautiful eyes, I will love your hugs and kisses, your awkwardness, your different faces, and I will absolutely adore your smile.
A smile has always been important to me. It’s the thing that comes when tears should be there instead. It expresses a happiness inside that spreads to the outside. It’s what you feel down to the tips of your toes. It’s encouraging, hopeful, and contagious. And I will without a doubt fall head over heels for yours. I will try so hard to make that smile befall your face as much as possible. Whether it is goofy, or crooked, or maybe it’s slightly too big, I won’t care. Because it will be your smile.

It’s so hard to wait for you. I know it will be worth it, in the end. I’m so young, yet every little discouraging thing makes me wonder if I really have you out there somewhere. If your heart really belongs to me. I try to look at every day without you, not as a day that I didn’t find you, but a day closer to when I will. I would love to find you young, so we have a huge bucket full of memories to dive into. But then I remember it won’t be the past that matters as much as the future.

People say that you give the key to your heart away, but I don’t think that’s true. Because you don’t chose who you fall for, cause that would be jumping. Not falling. No I think we all have a key, but it opens someone else’s heart. Not our own. So I guard your key carefully, don’t worry. I won’t let anyone steal it from me, or misshape it. Abuse it or reuse it. I hold it gently and carefully, knowing one day I will use it to unlock something that may very well be the most important thing to me on this earth.
I wrote earlier about God’s promises regarding you. One of the main ones is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. People use it a lot in reference to true love and all that. But I see it as more than just true love. It’s the love that we will share between us. It will be knocked down; we will walk on it, step on it, bruise it, and abuse it. But love has the extraordinary way to heal itself. Even though we will hurt each other, our love will move past that. I know that this won’t be easy, I won’t be easy. I should know. You won’t care, will you? Do you? This is what I find hard to believe, and sorry to say you will have to tell me ALL the time. You will have to reassure me, please be patient with me. Show me what it’s like to truly be loved. Because you know I love you.

I guess I am writing this to tell you, to reassure YOU. I will never get tired of loving you darling. Right now you’re nameless, faceless and I have no idea what we will be like together And I admit I’m scared. Scared of growing up, of making adult decisions, of having you depend on me as much I as depend on you. I will mess up, I will hurt you and you’ll probably hate me at several different points in our relationship. But if you’re reading this, it means we have got past all that. Because you’ll do the same to me. We won’t be perfect together, because no one is perfect. But you haven’t run away, and neither have I.

I will be patient with you, even when you’re more interested in your sports shows then talking to me. I will respond in kindness when you snap at me after a bad day in the office. I will not to envy you when you get that raise at work while I am still stuck with the crappy job. And I will not boast when (if) I DO succeed. I will not to be too proud of our relationship, so I wont be disapointed when we fight. I will not dishonor you by thinking of other guys. I will not be self seeking and fish for compliments. I will not be easily angered when you embarrassed me in front of my mom. I will not keep any records of your wrong doings, no matter how much I will want to. I will not delight in any evil we might commit, but will rejoice with the truth of forgiveness.
But here’s the thing. I might not always do all those things. Because I am a broken person, in a broken world. I can assure you that I will fail at all of those things more than once. So I will need you to fill in the gaps for me, to be what I am not. Just like I am more than willing to do that for you. Because we are one together, we step up when the other falls down.

There are something’s I will always keep and hold. That I will always do. I promise you, here and now as your love, I will not fail to do these things.

I will always protect you, I will always trust you, I will always believe in you, I will preserve with you in everything.
And I will always love you.

I listen to the song “Love Story by Taylor Swift” and at some point in the song there are the lines “I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you was fading. Romeo save me, I’ve been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you, but you never come. Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think.” And sometimes I feel like screaming out those words. I am not speaking to anyone I know, but to you. Wherever, whoever you are. Because I keep waiting, and longing, and I look at others and I feel so alone. But I haven’t seen you, I haven’t felt you, even though I wait and pray.
But then earlier it song, it also says “Romeo save me, their trying to tell me how to feel. This love is difficult, but it’s real. Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess. It’s a love story, baby just says yes.”
And I realize this. True love isn’t easy; I don’t think the important things in life are. But that’s part of what makes them important. People may tell me how to feel, who to like, who to date, who not to date. That doesn’t matter though; everything in the end will be okay. If I endure and wait for you, none of this now will matter.

So I continue you to wait for you my dear. I pray for you every day. For whatever hurts you have. I will also, sadly, continue to love this boy. Continue to fall over and over again. But it’s going to be different with you. When I fall for you, I won’t get back up again.

I can’t promise you’ll be my first kiss, but I can promise you will be my last.

Love you forever and always,

Your True Love