“What would you do if today was your last day?” Alec’s voice is like a beacon, pulling me out of the stale hospital walls, and away from the smell that always is sickly sweet. Hospitals have always smelled like death.
“Hmm?” I murmur under my breath as I flip through the magazine on my lap.
“What would you do if today was your last day?”
It’s been hell this last year watching my best friend die like this. He’s always been there for me, for everything. When he was diagnosed with leukemia it was like the world just fell from under me. I can hear in his voice that this question is important to him. I can’t just laugh it off and say something stupid like riding a bull or sky diving. It has to be true.

I take a deep breath and stare at him. Even with his pale skin and sunken eyes, he’s handsome. His green eyes so vibrant with life that it’s so hard to believe he is days away from death. I’m so afraid that he will die. I don’t know what I’ll do without him. We’ve talked for hours and hours on end, like every day was our goodbye. I can’t count how many heart felt I love you, we’ve said, or the tears we’ve shed.

I reach over and grab his hand. It was always so warm growing up, now it’s cold. I swallow the lump in my throat.

“I don’t know.” I can see that he is disappointed with my answer.

“Do you remember the summer we turned 16?” I stare at him, how could I forget. I fell in love with him then and there.

“Didn’t you invite Stacy along to our birthday date.” My voice is light and full of forgiveness. He winces and squeezes my hand.

“I did not know that she would puke all over you.” We both laugh at the old joke. We weren’t drinking anything illegal. Just too many sweets and poor Stacy’s stomach couldn’t handle it all. Alec’s face turns serious again. He always has a line creased in between his forehead when he’s trying to think about something really important.

“I love you.” He manages to force out. Sweat is gathering around on his face.

“Shush, none of that talk now.” I hate when he gets like this. I hate his goodbyes.

“Kelsey, don’t pretend like I’m okay anymore. It’s fine. I know I’m going to die.” He is so calm, his voice filled with contempt. He’s accepted it but that sure as heck doesn’t mean I have. Tears gather into my eyes and I get out of my chair and curl up next to him on that tiny hospital bed, with my head tucked up under his chin like we were kids again.

“I’m not ready for you to die Alec. I love you too much to let you go.” My voice is raw and thick. I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could wake up and remember this as a nightmare. I think back to every late night, and birthday parties. Our first date, everything. 14 years of friendship cannot be enough. I can tell we’ve been quite a long time because he is breathing in and out slowly as if he was asleep but I know the difference. I sit up and he lets me. I look down into his burning eyes, and smile.

“If today was my last day, I’d spend every second of every hour with you.” A tear sneaks its way out of his eye and slowly leaks down his face. I rest my head on his chest and wait. Wait for tomorrow, and the next day and pray that he lives.