“Reese,” calls Mom.
“Yea?” I reply.
“Dinner is in five and I want to make sure that you’re writing in that journal we got you.”
“Well Mom, maybe I would make friends if I spent the time writing to go outside and hangout with people,” I replied.
“Reese, just trust me and your Dad on this one, writing will help you grow as a person,” she said.
“Alright, alright I’ll do it,” I said.
I start searching my desk to find the journal that they had gotten me. It is green and blue, my favorite colors, and had a camouflage pattern on the cover. I check underneath, above, and everywhere in between in order to find that journal. Drawer after drawer, all chock full of old assignments, crumpled up drawings and pens of all sorts. I searched my backpack, and under my bed, but then it came to me. I knew where the journal was. I walked over to my art shelf, old and browning from wear and tear over the years. I saw it at a thrift shop and I knew I wanted it to keep all of my art supplies organized. In it were all sorts of paints, brushes, markers and crayons that I organized by color. It is there that my journal was lying half hidden from me where I put it when I first got it. I pull out the journal carefully, making sure that none of the other things on top of it would fall.
I take the journal to my desk and clear a spot for it to be. I sit, staring at the wall in front of me, unsure of what to write about. My parents said that this journal is like a friend that you can tell anything, but that seems weird to me. I mean how can I be a friend with a notebook? I think for a long time, but I couldn’t come up with anything. So, I decide to write about my day.
My name is Reese Mano, well kinda… I never got to meet my parents, but I still got my name from them. Weird, huh… This is my first journal so don’t laugh. My “parents” (they want me to call them mom and dad even though it doesn’t feel right) bought me this journal for some reason and told me to write about my day. So… here goes? Today was a boring and typical day. I woke up, ate, and walked to high school. Yea… that’s right… walked… We live in the part of town called Manhattan. Its really big and nice where we are, but there are a lot of people cars here so I have to walk everywhere… even to school. But anyway, after school I walked home and did my homework. And now, I’m writing in this dumb journal.
As I close my journal, I take a look at how thick this journal really was. The journal is two hundred pages long. How am I supposed to fill all of that? I count the days left in the school year and summer, and it turns out I’ll have to write every day!
“Geez that’s a lot of writing.” I whisper to myself.
Eventually, Mom calls me down for dinner. I walk downstairs and across to the dinner table where I find my parents sitting with Mr. Davis. I always wonder about Mr. Davis; I haven’t seen his family yet, but he comes over a lot because he and my Dad were college friends. Mr. Davis is really cool too; he always likes to joke around with me and always has something awesome to talk about. Not to mention he kind looks like Clark Kent. But, why is he here today? He usually comes on the weekends, but today is Monday. I walked over to the table anyways and sat down.
“Hey there kid, how are you doing?” Mr. Davis asked.
“Good, but school’s been boring because I don’t have very many friends.” I replied.
“Well don’t worry, the schools almost over, and once summer comes everything will get much better for you.”
Mr. Davis always knew what to say to cheer me up. He and my parents are the only people I’ve to look up to. Nevertheless, I sit down and start eating. Mom cooked Brussels sprouts and meatloaf again. Yuck! I pick apart the food on my plate while I listen in on my parents’ conversation with Mr. Davis. Something about the economy, the jobs, and other things that are boring. I zone out for a little bit, but instantly refocus when I hear shouting and clapping. My Dad excuses himself from the table to get bottle of wine to celebrate what ever this thing is. I ask aside to my mom:
“What’s going on?”
“Uncle Davis is moving to a place near by with his family.” She replied.
“Wait, his family isn’t here? Like they’re somewhere else?” I asked.
“Yeah, his family lives in Seattle, and they’re moving here because Mr. Davis got a job here.”
So that’s why he’s here at such an unusual time. I finished my plate, stood up to excuse myself, and walked to my room. I packed my stuff for school and took a look at the clock on my wall, 8:30. That is enough time for me to work on the project I’ve been working on. I’ve always loved art, it’s calming and I can make whatever I can imagine. My favorite things in my room would probably be my Polaroid camera and my set of graphic pencils. I’ve been using both to make this sort of collage with pictures and drawings, but I don’t know what to draw just yet. I guess I’ll just sketch some ideas. After I while, I looked up at the clock and it was time for me to go to bed.
Days and weeks go by in a flash. Summer is only a month a way, and that means freedom from school. I walk into the last class of the day, Mr. Alexander’s Art class, my favorite class. Mr. Alexander is more than a teacher to me; I guess you could say that he’s my only true friend. He’s helped me grow a lot and whenever I need someone to talk to, he takes me in without hesitation. After class, he pulled me aside.
“Hey Reese, its almost summer, got any plans?” he said.
“No, I was just going to hang around at home.” I replied.
“Reese, I’m going to be honest with you. You need to make some friends. Open up a little and maybe you’ll meet some awesome nice people.”
“I’m trying, but sometimes it so hard.”
“Don’t worry about how hard it is, at least you’re trying.”
But truthfully, I don’t really know how to talk to people. Mr. Alexander is easy to talk to because he came up to me with the same interests. But, I guess you could say that I’m scared of what other people think about me. I walked out of the classroom and realizing that I need to change. This is the answer to my loneliness.
The walk home is, you guessed it, lonely. I pass by some people I know like George at the hotdog stand who gave me a free hotdog one time. And then there’s Jason, the guy at the corner market who always waves to me as I pass by. Come to think of it, maybe I’m not lonely.
I stepped into the corner market needing to get some groceries that Mom needs. She always forgets to buy the milk or the butter or whatever she needs for her next cooking experiment. I pick up the items off my list, pay for the food, and start my walk home again in the cool summer air. Weird, huh, it’s cool but it’s sunny too, but I love it that way. I walk a couple blocks or so and look up ahead and notice that the ballet school I usually walk past.
Come to think of it, Mom said once that if she had a daughter she’d take her to this ballet school. But anyways, I keep walking. For some reason, I walk looking at the ground. Maybe to stare at the cracks in the pavement, or just to not look at people as they judge me. But when I take a glance up to see what’s ahead, I see the most amazing thing in the world.
This girl takes a step out of the ballet studio, and she is beautiful. Oh her strawberry-blonde hair cascading down to her shoulders, those stunning deep blue eyes, and her radiant smile. Her gaze capable of more than breaking, but shattering any ice that stands between us. I want to say something to her. But I know that I cannot muster up the courage so easily. So I pass by, awe-struck and grinning.
I open the door to my home, throw the groceries into the fridge, and hurry to my room. I drop my bags on the floor and flip open my journal to the next empty page:
I just saw the most beautiful person in the world today; she came out of the ballet school I pass by everyday. Maybe this is a sign? Maybe its not. I want to talk to her, but I need the courage. I mean if I can do this, what else can I do? I have to do this, but how? Maybe Mr. Anderson can help. Yeah that’s it, I’ll go talk to Mr. Anderson tomorrow.
I close my journal right as Mom opens my door.
“What’s going on Reese?” she said.
“Nothing much, why?” I replied.
“Well you ran to the fridge, threw everything into it and sprinted upstairs,”
“Oh well I wanted to get a head start on my journal entry for today,”
“Oh is that so,” she said as she rolled her eyes.
“Yea Mom, don’t worry about a thing.”
She walked out of the room, and I let out a quiet sigh of relief. I don’t know why I was hiding this from her but, in the moment, it felt like the right thing to do. But it was settled; tomorrow I am going to talk to Mr. Anderson.
School is just like usual, first is English, followed by math, then biology, psychology, and French. But it’s art class that I’m excited for. As I go from class to class, I get more and more anxious. Finally I walk into the art classroom and await the final bell to ring.
Ring!!!!!
I pack up my stuff and clean off the table that my art project was on. After, I walk to Mr. Alexander and ask for some time.
“Yea I’ve got a minute, what’s up?” he said.
“I wanted to ask you about talking to people… specifically, about talking to girls. For as long as I’ve been here, I’ve never had this problem, but… something came up.”
“Reese, did you meet a girl yesterday?” he asks raising his eyebrows.
“No, well, yea, well, no. I saw her yesterday at the ballet school a couple blocks away and she was really pretty. I wanted to say hi, but I couldn’t get the courage to go talk to her, so I just left.”
“Reese, you just have to be confident and be yourself. People will like you for who you are so just put yourself out there.”
“But how, I mean its easy for you to say, you stand up in front of a hundred kids a day, but I, never really dealt with something like this” I said with my voice quivering.
“Just smile, hold you head up high, and everything will be alright.”
“Well, I guess if you say so…”
So I told myself as I walked out of that classroom. Come on Reese, just man up and talk to her, how hard can it be? But I knew it would be much harder than that. I took my usual route home, but stopped just before the turn that would lead me to the ballet school. I turn the corner hoping to see that she’s there, and she is, waiting by herself. I slowly walk toward her saying to myself: Man up, you can do this. I walk up to her, catch her attention and say:
“Hey, uh, nice to meet you, uh, my name is, uh, Reese.” I said hesitantly.
“Oh hi, I’m Amanda, who are you? I mean I don’t know you, do I?” she said inquisitively.
“Uh, no, you don’t know my but I’d like to change that.”
“What do you mean?” she said confused.
“Well you’re really pretty and, uh, I was wondering if you would maybe like to go on a date sometime?”
“Uh, sure,” she said blushing, “when and where should I meet you?”
“Uh, wow, I didn’t have anything planned actually,” I said jokingly, “Is there a way I can talk to you, I mean other than here?”
“Yeah, here let’s trade numbers,” she said pulling out her phone.
So I gave her my cell phone number and she gave me hers. We smiled at each other, and then I told her that I had to go home. I walked a block, turned the corner, and let out a shout of joy. Everything was going perfectly. Maybe this confidence thing is good after all. I ran all the way home to figure out what we were going to do.
I think that when I slammed the door behind me when I got home, it made Mom suspicious. She walked up the stairs shortly and began to ask me what was going on.
“Reese, two days in a row you’ve been acting strangely. Is something going on at school?” she asked.
“No nothing is going on at school Mom, plus the last day of school is next week anyway, wait do we have any plans for the next couple weeks?” I asked hurriedly.
“No… why? Reese what’s going on?”
“Nothing Mom just don’t worry,” I said quickly.
“Hey slow down Reese, if you tell me what’s going on, maybe I can help you.”
“Ok, ok. I asked a girl on a date today and I’m trying to figure out what to do.”
“Wait, you asked a girl on a date? Wow I’m so proud of you Reese, you’re growing up so fast.” She said almost tearing up.
“Mom, I’m not your little boy any more. But I need help figuring out what to do.”
“You should take her to Pier 62, you guys can walk around there, ride the carousel, and sit and talk in the little park area.”
“Sure, but what would we talk about,” I asked.
“Oh come one, you can ask a girl on a date, but you can’t talk to her? Just figure something out Reese.”
Sigh. There goes Mom as usual, not being very helpful at all. But hey, at least she came up with going to Pier 62. I texted Amanda to meet me at Pier 62 on Saturday for out date; she responded soon after that she could go.
On Friday after school, Mom insisted that I go shopping with her to, and I quote “get some new clothes because I need to look nice for Amanda”. I guess this is her way of helping me, but also insulting me at the same time. We must have been through like 20 stores, and all that we got was a dark grey shirt, jeans, and a leather jacket. It may be summer, but it won’t be too warm because of the wind on the pier, so I convinced my mom to get me the jacket.
Sunday morning, I woke up early, unable to sleep because of my sheer excitement and joy. I quickly got ready for my date with Amanda. Just thinking of the idea send chills down my spine. I keep nagging Mom to send me to the pier, but she would always respond saying that it was too early. She was right. My excitement had gotten to me; it was almost like I was losing my mind. I realized that I needed to mellow out, so I stepped outside and took a breather, then came back inside calm, cool, and collected.
We arrived at Pier 62 a little earlier than the time that I had told Amanda so that I could be here when she came. So I waited, leaning against the railing of the walkway. It wasn’t long before I saw her step out of a car in a pretty yellow floral sundress.
We spent the whole day, walking along the pier, talking about who knows what, watching this and just seeing the sights. But most importantly, we spent the time together, which was nice. I learned a lot about her and I guess you could say we opened up to one another. And towards the end of our fun day, we sat at a bench to watch the sunset. I took my jacket off and slipped it around Amanda to keep her warm, just like in movies. And we sat there in silence for a little while. After a couple minutes, she spoke up:
“Why me?” Amanda asked.
“What do you mean?” I asked confused.
“Well I mean, you’re such an amazing guy, and its been fun spending this time with you, but why me of all the other girls in this city?”
“Amanda, when I saw you the first time, walking out of that ballet school, I was awe-struck by you. And to be honest, you’re the first.” I said hesitantly.
“First what?” she asked.
“First girl I’ve opened up to, first girl to acknowledge me, first girl I’ve had the courage to ask on a date.”
“Well Reese, you the first guy that’s ever acknowledged as a person, and we’ve gotten so close in these couple days, that it just feels like I’m complete when I’m with you.”
After that we sat there in silence until the sun went down. Hand in hand, her head tilted on my shoulder. I felt happy and loved and everything and all I wanted was to hold on to this moment forever. But, it eventually came to the time when we had to leave. We stood up, held hands, and said our goodbyes. Before she could turn away, I stole a kiss from her lips. Just like all the books and all of the movies, fireworks burst and I felt complete, like I was whole again.
It wasn’t long before school ended. After that, I’d gotten my drivers license and I could start driving places, instead of walking. Yay…right? Well at least this meant that I could see Amanda more often. We made plans for the whole summer, and with it only just beginning now, I can’t wait. I picked up my keys, and got ready to head out and see Amanda. Every since our date at the pier we’ve been inseparable, and I’ve opened up more and started making friends. Before I left, I stopped by my room to pick up her birthday gift. It wasn’t anything too spectacular, but I wanted to make sure it was something she likes. On the way there I stopped by the corner market, but Jason already knew why I was there and already had a bouquet of every color of rose ready for me.
“Seeing Amanda again Reese?” he asked.
“Ha how’d you guess?” I replied jokingly.
“Oh just a hunch,” he said with a smile.
I paid for the flowers then left, headed for Amanda’s house. This is the first time that I’d be going to Amanda’s house, so I’m really nervous to meet her parents. As I’m driving, every possible scenario that could happen when I knock on that door. Questions keep running through my head: Are her parents going to be nice? Is her dad going to be mean, overprotective, or worse? Will he parents like me? Hate me? I almost get dizzy with all of the things rushing through my head, and I don’t even notice that I’ve pulled up to her house already.
I step out of my car, with her present and flowers in hand, and walk to the front door. I take a deep breath, and knock on the door. I hear footsteps walking towards the door to answer it, and all of my muscles tense up. The door opens and I see… Mr. Davis?
He was just a stunned as I was when he opened that door. He pointed at me, raised his brow, and said “huh?”
“Mr. Davis? You’re Amanda’s dad?” I replied shocked.
“Yea, and you’re dating my daughter?” He asked.
“Yea, what a coincidence, huh, small world I guess.” I said in a shaking voice.
“Yea, well come on in. Amanda is upstairs.”
“Thanks!”
I slowly walked into the house. It had a Victorian style interior with a deep blue color on the walls with a white trim. I studied architecture during art, but I never really got to see the things that we learned about. I start heading up the stairs while taking a look at my surroundings. I realize that I’m not looking where I was going when I tripped at the top of the staircase. I look at the doors on the second floor, all of them closed and identical. Shoot which room is Amanda’s? I tried to think for a second about the aspects of each room, and what Amanda likes and it just all becomes too much. Standing there, not knowing what to do for a couple minutes, Amanda opens her door and finds that I’m just standing there. I drop the flowers and the gift as she leaps into my arms. We held each other’s embrace for what felt like hours, but only were seconds. Afterwards, she asked:
“What’s all this for?”
“Well its your birthday and all, so I wanted to get something for you” I said.
I handed her the box and the flowers, and she blushed shyly accepting my gift. We walked over to her room and sat on he bed as she carefully unwrapped her present. She opened the box that was inside to find a necklace with a shooting star pendant, and engraved on the inside is “wishes do come true”. I went to a jewelry shop down the street with my mom last week, and when I saw this, I immediately thought of Amanda and how I was shooting for the stars when I first talked to her. I look at her and she’s tearing up.
“Reese, this is beautiful. But, I can’t accept this, it’s too much.” She said.
“No, please, take it. I saw this the other day, and I think that I sort of represents us, and our relationship and how we met for the first time.” I replied with a shaky voice.
“Thank you… Thank you so much.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
I stay to talk for a while and feel something strange. She isn’t acting normally, well, at least there’s something going on. But, I didn’t want to ask because it seems a bit too intrusive to me. Anyway, after a while I leave to go to my job.
Yea, a job. That’s what I thought at first too, but it didn’t turn out so bad. I work at the corner market with Jason and it’s pretty fun working with him. Not to mention, all I do is stock shelves and click buttons on a register, and I get paid for it. I wanted a job in the first place in order to get money for the things I wanted to do with Amanda. Mom was trying to convince me not to get a job, I guess it was because I was her “baby” still, but I told her that I didn’t want to always rely on her.
A month, maybe even two pass by. Amanda and I planned on doing all sorts of things during the summer, but none of them happened yet. She’s busy a lot with this ballet class, or that appointment, but promises me that we’ll spend time together. Everyday, I think of different ways that I could see Amanda more, but things keep coming up. We started growing apart, but I know neither of us wants that. I had to talk to her. I had to do something; I can’t just let this end right here. So I did:
“Amanda, what’s going on? I know something is wrong.” I asked
“What do you mean?” she replied.
“I can tell something is wrong Amanda; I know something’s up.”
“Reese, nothing’s going on, it’s just well…” she said hesitantly.
“Just what? Listen, I just don’t want us to end up like every other relationship out there where we grow apart and eventually forget each other.”
“Just nothing… I don’t want that for us either… It’s just… I can’t tell you right now.”
“What does that mean?” I ask confused
“It’s just… I’m…” she says hesitantly as she reached for my hand, “okay, you just need to trust me when I say everything is alright.”
“Alright, alright, I just want to make sure that everything’s ok because things have been … well different lately. Hey, listen, I should go, don’t want to be late for work.” I say as I stand up.
“Wait what?” she asked as I walked out of her room.
Before I go, I need and answer, so I stop by her dad’s office to ask him.
“Hey Mr. Davis, what’s up with Amanda. Is something wrong?”
“Oh hey Reese, no everything’s fine. Why, what’s going on?”
“She seems … well … distant. All I want to spend some time with her, but she always says she’s busy.”
“Really now.” He says as he starts thinking, “Here, on Thursday go to the pier. I’ll make sure that she’s there.”
“Thanks Mr. Davis.” I said happily.
I’m so excited, but confused at the same time. Amanda’s lying to me about why she’s busy, but Mr. Davis is helping me. Oh well, I walk to my job and work with Jason for the rest of my shift.
“How’s it hanging Reese?” Jason asked.
“I don’t know Jason, stocking shelves is quite the thrill.” I said jokingly.
“Oh come on, how’s Amanda.”
“I don’t know.”
He turns to face me, “How can you not know?”
I sigh, “I don’t really know.”
The rest of the workday is silent between Jason and I. After my shift ends, I walk home and go to bed. But, I’m sleepless. I toss and turn, trying to fall asleep, but I cant keep thinking about Amanda and what’s happening. Eventually, it’s morning and I not too sure that I slept last night.
Days pass of me planning for the pier on Thursday. And when it finally comes, it hits me like a rock. I’m going to see Amanda today. Sparked with joy, I drive over to the pier and wait for her. When she finally comes, we spend the day on the pier. Every moment, feels like when we first came here a few months ago. Hours pass, but it feels like days. And when the sun is about to set, we find the bench from first time and watch the sunset.
“I miss this,” Amanda said smiling with her head on my shoulder.
“I do too,”
Silence ensues for a while. It’s nice though, peaceful.
“Listen, I’ll tell you everything tomorrow.”
“Why not today?”
“Oh silly, cause I said so,” she said sticking her tongue out at me.
“Fine, fine tomorrow it is.”
“Meet me here, at this bench, tomorrow at noon. And don’t be late, or I wont say a word,” She says winking.
“Hey, hey, hey, noon, let’s get real here I’ll probably wake up later than that,” I said jokingly.
“Noon tomorrow,” she said as she stands up.
“Alright then.”
We hold each other’s embrace for a few moments, and then say our goodbyes. Tomorrow is going to be a good day; I can feel it. And it comes even quicker now that I’m anticipating it. Hours turned into moments, and it was already Friday morning. I told Mom last night to wake me up early so I wouldn’t be late.
I make my way to the pier and as I’m walking up to our spot, I notice Amanda’s parent’s car driving away. Yes, she’s actually here, and she’s actually going to tell me what’s been going on. My walk turns into a jog, and almost a run as I near the bench. I turn the corner, expecting to see Amanda there, waiting for me. But she isn’t there. I check my watch, it says that it’s noon, but Amanda isn’t here. I look down at the bench. And on it lays a white lily and a card. I trembled as I opened the card.
Hey Reese, I guess if you’re seeing this you made it on time. That’s good. Listen, I wanted to tell you this before, but I couldn’t work up the courage to say it. A couple months ago I was diagnosed with a rare form of Leukemia; it has some really long name. But, the doctors told me I would only have 2 months to live. I couldn’t bear to see us get more attached only to know how it would end, that’s why I couldn’t see you. I hope you’ll understand. I also want to say thanks for spending my last day with me. You’ll always be with me, and I’ll make sure to keep an eye on you ok. Bye, Reese. I’ll love you always and forever. – Amanda
Tears of anguish fell for what felt like an eternity. And grief struck hard in my heart. Weeks passed, and I was still unable to think, unable to reason, but I must still strive forward. Forward until my pain has been mended, for Amanda.