It is a feeling like no other. It could start in several different ways. It might have begun with an unforgettable smile; so charming, so grand. It might have been an unintentional glance from across the human infested room and it was his shiny eyes that caught yours. It could have been anything that brought that rush from the top of your overworked head covered in long auburn hair, making its way (like a water droplet bolting down the window after the dreadful rain had come to an end) past your racing heart which feels as if it’s about to rip out of your chest any second, by a stomach digesting a zoo of butterflies, all the way to the tip of your toe. A feeling like no other.

He tells you his ordinary name, but to you it’s a magical word. A word that occupies your still overworked mind whilst you stand under a soothing warm shower, it fills your thoughts when you decide whether you should circle option A or option B during that horrible physics exam, it possesses your mind whilst you perform a task as basic as pouring cloudy white milk into your breakfast cereal. His ordinary name occupies your overworked mind. You know his name, he knows yours, you’ve both exchanged eye blinding smiles on faces filled with planets of hope and anticipation reflecting through harmless eyes. He kindly asks you to accompany him to an Italian dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant he absolutely and utterly adores. You can hear the nervousness in his voice and you like it. You like knowing he wants to please you and he wants to be around you and you want to please him as well and you want to be around him too. You take a second to pretend you’ve thought about his kind offer and then you kindly accept. His winning smile slowly widens exposing thirty-two beautiful teeth, in a beautiful mouth, belonging to a beautiful person.

And that is how it began a journey you thought would never end. A journey containing sleepless nights thinking about his seductive smile, his touch, the way he holds you (arms wrapped around your thin waist causing an unfamiliar but enjoyable feeling), your smooth skin touching his, the way your average name rolls out of his mouth sounding like an exotic unknown island filled with so much mystery and consisting of unspeakable beauty. It is cliché, but it is what it is. He has you hooked; he has your overworked mind believing that what the two of you have is perfect because it is what comes out of his disarming lips and it is music to your soft ears that he occasionally kisses tenderly with his pink and welcoming lips. He says things to you like ‘You’re my girl’, ‘You make me so happy’, ‘You’re always on my mind’, it’s these short and simple sentences that mean the world to a little person like yourself. You not only like it, but you love knowing you’re all his, you crave it, and why would you want that to change?

One average day in your fairytale fantasy, the most natural and most human thing happens. You hear a lie, or at least you tell yourself it is not true. Your overworked mind is unsure what to think, so you ask. However, you do ask kindly as you do not want to upset the person who holds your tender heart in his large yet smooth hands. The eager hands that pull you closer to his hard, masculine body, the sweet hands that hold yours, the solid hands that have explored areas exclusive just to him. Why would you want upset the beholder of such precious hands? Those hands give you a feeling like no other. And so you kindly ask. You ask if what you were told by a meaningless person is true, yet you reassure him no matter what his response is you will not be bothered. You love him.

He might not have the fear of losing the person who is a victim of his powerful passionate love. The person that spends all her time thinking about that lovely devilish fellow. Why should he fear? You soon realize what you thought was a harmless question has angered him. He accuses you of accusing him, yet you know you haven’t. He demands he must know the speaker of such a foolish lie, but you cannot tell him. You want to tell him, you do not want to cause him such distress but you simply cannot. You’ve angered him even more because of your helpless refusal. He wishes you a cold and wooden good night.

The next day is hard one. You do not hear from him when you have woken up to a chilly and rainy day imitating tears of villainous giant. Poor giant. You don’t hear from him when you are silently seated like an eroding statue on the bus making a common journey to school seem so bitter, as if you know that you perhaps might not make it to your destination alive. You don’t hear from him and you are completely and utterly filled with fear. Your entire body from every lonely hair standing up to the inside of your deep guts is filled with fear. You are mortified. What if the one person you thought would never cause you pain jut as he had promised is the one holding the end of the long, jagged knife pierced sharply through your little heart. It surely is a feeling like no other.

You can almost taste the agonizing pain that is to come your way. You can smell the words that you are certain will come out of that mouth of his, they smell like the rotten bodies left in an abandoned morgue. Silly, silly girl. ‘I think we should end it’, it sounds even worse than your overworked mind had imagined. A cat screeching against a blackboard does not even compare to how awful his words sounded. Your courage, your strength, and your ego allow a synthetic smile to form on your eased face. You agree.

This feeling like no other, the feeling of your heart being ripped apart by nothing but worn, rough, bare hands of a monster. A cruel, cruel monster, not caring about the feelings of others. Do monsters have feelings anyway? And that’s what happened, your aching heart left on the floor to be stepped on, to be kicked around, to be crushed. You think to yourself, is a beast worth the tears of an innocent.