“Adding and Subtracting Rational Fractions,” the teacher called out, it was the lesson for today, and the words meant nothing to me. I understood the meaning of each word individually, but combined the words meant nothing. They went in one ear and somehow faded along the way. ”Rational” was the only word that really stood out to me though. My teacher incessantly babbled on and every face in the room became baffled, and blended with a sea of white among the confused.
This class was irrational. It made no sense for me to have to take this class and even less sense for it to be required of every student in the school. At most in my life I would ever have to find the area of a room I was painting. Chances are I would never have to do any math that I learned above sixth grade.
I faded amongst the people in the back of the room where I could be invisible. I drowned out the sound of his voice, monotonous and dull I pulled in and out of a sleep that I so desperately needed. I was looking for a dream- a sort of fantasy world to which I could escape and never look back. Wanting a better place was rational; it was the only thing that would get me through the day. If there was no need to make things better we would still be living in the dark ages.
My fantasy world however sat right in class with me. She sat right behind me, I knew she was there but that wasn’t enough, I was greedy, I needed to look right at her. I needed to know that nothing would ever happen to her. I had rarely spoken to her outside of class. I suppose it was the fear that I might do something that I would regret. I often looked back and every time I saw her already staring at me. I would lift one eyebrow in her direction; she would hold onto one of her eyebrows and then lift the other. It was cute how she tried.
I felt guilty though, every time I smiled at her I was filled with an immense amount of guilt burning within. My imagination would go wild thinking about her. I just wanted to brush her hair behind her ear and hover over her lips.
I have an irrational fear that someone can read my mind. Someone could just look into my thoughts at any moment and see that Emily consumed my every waking moment. What if the told Maddie about my thoughts? Maybe that was the solution, I had been stuck with Maddie for three years now and any kind of feeling I had for her were gone long ago. I need a change; something needed to change in my life.



Maddie had been planning our wedding for months now. She wanted a wedding in July. She had been looking at dresses for months and she already knew she wanted every bouquet to have baby’s breath in it. I had never asked her to marry me though and she had never asked me. She just came up with this notion on her own one day and I went along with it not protesting at all. I have no intentions of marrying her though, I just haven’t quite figured out how to tell her that.


I turned to look at Emily again while drowning out the sound of my teacher. We caught each other’s eyes and she smiled. She had the kind of smile that would change the whole world and make you question your sanity. She would smile wide and blush then hide her face into her shoulder, she then peaked back at me. I couldn’t help but to give her a crooked smile back.


Michelle sat in the very back corner giving me bad looks every time my head followed Emily as she walked across the room. I know Michelle was telling Maddie about the glances Emily and I shared. I actually wanted Maddie to believe her, maybe then I wouldn’t have to break her heart and she would just break up with me instead.


“The office is out of red pens.”

The PA System boomed in every classroom leaving and echo to fill every corner of the room, it then repeated it self and the static behind the silence disappeared. The teacher whipped his head around and ran frantically to the door. He jingled around in his pockets until he found his key.

“Against the wall!” He yelled across the room as he locked the door. Children scattered across the room, pandemonium ran wild, and all control evaporated into thin air/. The teacher covered the window to the hallway and shut off the lights. We sat there with just the cracks of light shining in between the blinds of the windows. He began pushing desks against the door. I along with several of the other guys in the classroom helped stack them and try to force a barrier.

We heard gunshots go off down the hall and we all ran to the wall. I slid down the wall to notice that the only sound that could be heard was the whimpering of a few girls.

Emily was still as stone. I crawled across the floor over to where she was, all I could do was hold her. I could feel her trembling just as I was. Another shot went off down the hall and then three more followed, these bangs were closer now, I could feel the vibrations through the walls.

Emily burrowed her head into my arm and tears began running down her skin onto mine. The salty water ran down my arm hair until it evaporated into the air.

I placed my hand under her chin and pulled her face up. Her eyes were made of glass as tear by tear streamed down her face. I could see right through her. I looked into her eyes for a moment then placed my face next to hers and closed my eyes as I rested my forehead on the bridge of her nose.

I was so scared in that moment that just having the warmth of her skin against mine was the most soothing feeling in the world. I just paused there for a moment feeling her breath against my face.

She wrapped her arms around my head and pulled me towards her. I kissed her for what felt like a lifetime but would never be enough, it was the first time in years I felt my heart sink into my chest.

The sound of rattling shook the whole room as someone tugged on the door and turned the knob. All of our hearts froze as we noticed that any of our breaths might just be out last. Michelle was in the corner sobbing frantically; she had her hand over her mouth to stop the sound of her panting. Someone shook the door again and then disappeared. A sigh of relief filled everyone’s lungs. Police sirens filled our heads and then in the distance we heard one final shot.