Warning. Breaking News! Man reported missing. I almost broke the radio as I shut it off. Out of my window in the distance, I can see the dark clouds rolling in through the distance. This depressing weather is making everything worse. This happened hours ago, and I already knew it had happened. A tear shed down my face in frustration and depression. It’s official. He was gone. Everyone had said he would be found, but my gut instinct didn’t think so. I didn’t think we would ever leave my side. The vows we read, “Till death do us part” I’m hoping didn’t come a lot sooner than anyone would’ve wished for. My husband was a very great man. I had gotten a call at work that morning, the worst call anyone could ever want to have. It was one of the worst things that could’ve happened to our family. 11 months today we have been married.

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It’s just a Thursday. No big deal, right? Wrong. I’d like to forget the date today, but I can’t. I crawl out of bed, and shoot my clients a text, “I will be in tomorrow, not feeling the best right now. I need some rest! See you tomorrow girl!” I work in a beauty salon, I had 6 appointments today, but I can’t do this today. I walk into the bathroom, I see a picture of me and my husband on the wall, I shed a small tear, and I can’t take this loss. I always hope he will be found, and come back, but I’ve came to my senses that he’s gone. I walk down the cold wooden stairs and slip my moccasins on that are by the door. I clench my sleeve and pull the collar of my sweater up more. I tiptoe into the kitchen, and I see the phone flashing red. A new voicemail. Great. I call up the voicemail number, and enter the password in. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think he would be gone so young, I year today if I’m not mistaken, such a bummer. We all know he’s dead right…? I told you, you should’ve stayed with me, but you didn’t listen…” I can’t even listen anymore; I throw the phone on the floor, and collapse on the couch in tears. I’ve came to senses that he was gone, but I never heard anyone say it yet. As I lay there sobbing in tears, I hear the paperboy come up to the door and begin to knock, I rush to the door. When it opens, a young boy about age 15, pretty scrawny, baggy clothes, and curly brown hair with glasses stands in front of me. He hands me the newspaper,

“I’m so sorry Ma’am. I didn’t realize…”

“It’s okay; I’m used to the apologies and sympathy right now.”

I slam the door, and look at the headlines. “Man disappeared a year ago today. Missing or Gone?” I throw it in the shredder. I don’t want to hear what other people think my husband did, or why he’s gone. That stuff really pisses me off. People that think they know my business, and everything in my life, they don’t know it. Everyone thinks they know everything. People are stupid. I walk to the living room, and sit on the couch. I take out my phone, and I go to my husband’s contact. This sounds creepy, and maybe a little bit strange, but I like to text his phone sometimes, just to tell him what’s going on in my life. I know he won’t reply, but it’s nice to think maybe he is receiving what I’m sending.

“Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know that I love you, and I would love it if you would come home. I miss you. And I love you, but you already know that. I had a lot of work today, but I canceled it. I just didn’t feel like coming in. well, I will message you later! And you know I hate saying goodbye, so talk to you later ? I love you”

Crying, I sent it anyways. I do this about once a month. It was really just some worthless s*** I did to feel better, except in reality, it just made everything worse.

I walked to my barstools in my kitchen with my beige wool blanket wrapped around my torso. I sat there sitting on my foot curled in a little ball. My right hand, intertwined with my hair was holding my head just about 4 inches above the table. I couldn’t think of anything but him. My mind felt like it was an obstacle illusion. I felt like I was spinning out of control. From across the room, I could hear a buzz. I didn’t know exactly who would be texting me. I slowly dragged myself to walk across the room. I almost dropped phone at the site of it.