Aspen, CO | Teen Ink

Aspen, CO

November 22, 2014
By Anonymous

It’s staggering to me how I could be in a place a million miles away from you and it’s still like you’re breathing down my neck. It is equally as staggering to think that I could be in the most beautiful place on earth, which I am close to currently, and still not be satisfied as long as you aren’t here with me. I could have everything that I have ever wanted and will ever want yet I would still not be truly happy if it is at the expense of you. I look out into the immeasurable expanse and all that I can think is how much better it would be if you were there to share it with. I drive around in a place that is described as heaven on earth but I know that for me it isn’t. The only place that I will ever be happy is in your arms, that is the only heaven on earth that I will ever know. Every moment of my life is stinted by the thought of you and what you are doing and how you are doing. I think of our fingers and how they would fit like two missing puzzle pieces. I have always feared what I knew is not in my control. I had feared that I would have an addiction of sorts taking into consideration my genetics and upbringing; I was correct, but not in the way I thought originally. Just as I could absorb alcoholic liquids or intake drugs, I absorb the richest of all addictive liquids and intake the most precious of all drugs. You. I absorb your admirations and your fascinations just as I absorb your kindness and your gratitude. I absorb your words and the way that they echo in my head as if they made up a coherent, angelic melody. I absorb your golden brown eyes and the way that they exchange glances with my average eyes. I absorb the way that your hair curls up at the ends of your neck and meets into a symmetrical triangle because your hair is almost always is in need of a serious trim. I absorb the way you look when you’re truly happy and I absorb the way that you look when you fake that exact happiness. I absorb the corners of your eyes and the way that they crinkle to the sides when you feel genuine happiness  and I love the way you look when you are happy and I long for you to feel that way at any and every inconvenience of mine. I absorb the length of your arms and the way that they enclose me in between shades of black and white and I long for an eternity positioned exactly that way. Just the way that I would a drug, I intake all of you and I love all of you. Despite the fact that you may not feel or may not ever feel the same way about me, I do about you. I cannot express my gratitude for your place in my life although it is rather limited and I care for you oh so much. I want more than anything for me to be in encaptured and intertwined with you, our two hearts beating at once and I know that you feel the same way, only about another person. While the pain is unbearable, I somehow bear it for you and because of you. I know that you cannot help who and what you love just as I cannot help who and what I love either; If I was given  a choice, I can guarantee that I would be demanded to feel much less sorrow because of that.  I love you and I wish you nothing but happiness and I suppose if I am not the person who can give that to you then I won’t, but instead let another person give to you what I ache to give to you; more than the pain that I feel and more than the love that I can and do offer you, your happiness, in my eyes,  takes priority and if I can’t show my love for you in other ways, then I will simply do this for you.


The author's comments:

Dedicated to the one I love, who does not even know I love him


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