There were little men inside of me, hammering, beating, scraping. I could hear their metal tools clinking on my ribs. I swayed, clutching the plastic cup as the world tumbled around me. I tried to focus on two people in the corner, drenched in shadow, kissing as though the ground was insufficient, and if they separated it would dissolve and they’d fall down, down, down…

I shook my head in an attempt to clear it, and the men stumbled. The banging paused. I took a breath, trying to hold on to the feeling, the peace, but they steadied themselves, took up their instruments, and went back to work. It was louder than the throbbing music that liquified the carpet beneath me.

“Jenna!” The sound seemed to swirl in my ears before I understood its meaning.

“Hmm?” I slurred, turning to the source.

“Come play Truth or Dare,” the person said. I couldn’t make out who it was.

“Truth or—?” I repeated. I didn’t finish because they were already dragging me away from the couple and their pool of darkness and unsteady land, and what with the little men and the melted vibrations underneath me any other sounds—even from my own mouth—would’ve made me explode. I collapsed into the proffered place on the ground.

“Truth or Dare, Jenna?” someone shouted across the circle.

That’s when I saw him, with that stupid, goofy grin on his face. I wanted to tell him to wipe it off but somehow it came out as “Dare.”

The circle-crossing voice went, “Oooh! A drunk Jenna is a fun Jenna!" Then, “I dare you… to kiss Noah.”

The name slammed into me and I felt like I was choking on my tongue. Except I was laughing. “Kiss…Noah?” I gasped after a moment. Everything suddenly seemed utterly hilarious. “No way!”
“Aw come on,” came the voice. “Even drunk we can’t get these two to try it out?”

“Hey!” I saw Noah stand up and stumble over to me, his dark curls bouncing ridiculously. “We’ll try it out! Won’t we?” He looked at me. I wrinkled my nose because I smelled pot on his shirt (one I’d gotten him the Christmas before).

“That’s… But you’re…” I struggled with words, the laughter dying away. “You’re you.”

“Well, I won’t take no for an answer,” he retaliated. He grabbed my hand and hoisted me up. Crash, boom, crackle went the little men with their hammers and picks.

Noah had no clue where to go, but there was hole in the circle that directed us to a bathroom. He pulled me inside and closed the door behind him, then slid to the floor. For a few moments he was silent. I didn’t say anything because I knew this silence. It was the I’m thinking silence, the one he used to pull when we’d done particularly impish bit of mischief together, and gotten caught.

Finally, he looked up, squinting through red rimmed eyes, lashes tangled like branches. “We’re smashed,” Noah stated. I nodded with the little men inside of me, who’d set down their tools to listen. “I do want to kiss you.” I started nodding again, but then stopped.

Woah there. I thought with a flash of startling clarity. We played in the sandbox when your voice was higher than mine! You saw me in diapers and when I didn’t need a bra, when I walked around with a no shirt on and a chest just as flat as yours.

But then he went on. “I just wanna try it. But I don’t want to ruin sixteen years of friendship ‘cause… you know?” He waved his hand vaguely. “Can we do it though? When we aren’t wasted? Just to try it?”

There was something remarkable about the innocence of this, and I felt my whole body warm to the idea. I blinked as the floor capsized. Water flooded my eyes and trickled down my face. “That is so… sweet,” I whispered. And I found the men nodding in agreement.

Noah had lacrosse training and I flute lessons practically every day afterward. Then school started, and I felt like we were both regretting the promise we’d made. But finally, we felt like we couldn’t put it off any longer, and so I jumped in his truck one day after school and we drove back home. There was something strange and a little tense in the atmosphere; it seemed like too much time had passed and there was a splinter in our closeness, but we bumped shoulders regardless as we strolled into the trees.

The red and gold and yellow that shimmered in the canopy was reflected on the ground in heaps of vivid leaves. I’d forgotten the beauty of fall. I breathed in the earthy, leaf strewn smell, and felt comfort settle inside of me like a warm blanket. It was like going back in time, going back, back, back to when neither of us knew how to spell the word autumn or that we weren’t all from the same blood, weren’t all brothers and sisters and family.

“So…” Noah said, leaning against a tree. His forehead was wrinkled and I felt just as awkward as him. “We’re just going to try it, right? No… strings attached?”

I grinned. “We’ve never been any to back down from a dare, though, right?”

He smiled too.

And I kissed him.

I felt like our entire lives, past and future, trembled between us. My chest broke open and every bit of warmth in our surroundings streamed into it. I felt something ending, but with grace, with a flourish. We broke apart at the same time, and were suddenly laughing like we hadn’t in years, clasping our stomachs and gasping for air.

“Let’s forget this ever happened, yeah?” Noah said. I nodded, winded but feeling lighter than I had in a month. We hugged, then left the woods still laughing, just like we’d done when we were little.

Our sweet, childhood love was immortal in the autumn breeze.