A few miles west of Corvallis, Oregon, the Yaquina Bay feeds into the vast expanse of the Pacific Ocean. The water that leads to the salty mysteries is none too warm, but greets the small town of Newport with welcoming shores. On either side of the bay, there’s lush national parks and stray people wondering what to do in this sleepy Oregonian town. Not too far from the bay’s waters is the rocky cliffs where the lighthouse sits, surrounded by the lull of the water and the hushed swaying of the tall grass around it. Every once in a while, the stray animal would wander from the safety of the tall grasses, into the zone where prying eyes search for its next meal. It would always quickly retreat, back to safety, back to the promise of family and protection.
There was a path. A path beaten by curious boys and girls, the road not unfamiliar to eager tourists and questioning guests, a path that led to the rocky cliffs of the Yaquina head, and there a mighty white beast stood in the center of. It’s singular eye shone brightly into the night, it’s guiding light something that sailors followed and searched for, their savior out of the dark.
But no white beast could have saved me from the dark that I was plunged into. No white beast could lead me to the safe shores and out of this treacherous, black water.
All I remember was the feeling of seeing his eyes glittering from the tears he held back as he stared at me, holding his hand over his heart, the blood seeping between his fingers. I felt a scream ring in my head, as well as the sound of the trigger being pulled and the bullet piercing a hole, ripping apart my world. When he fell, I felt the reality hit me and the scream finally pushed past my lips and my feet found its power and launched me to his side. I grabbed his arms and felt the tears roll down my cheek.
“Ryan…” The word tumbled from my mouth, finally pushing past the choking feeling I felt in my throat. His eyes searched desperately for mine, relaxing momentarily when his blue orbs found my dark brown ones that were clouded over with pain and fear. He managed to plaster a smile on his face as I lifted his head and rested it on my lap.
“I’m okay,” he wheezed. “Just a flesh wound.”
I pulled him into my arms. I fumbled with my phone as I pulled it out of my pocket. I screamed at 911 to get him, to save him. No, I will not let him die. No, no, no… I can’t. He’s not going to leave me!
I gently pulled him up so I could rock him back and forth in my arms, trying to stop the bleeding with my jacket.
“Ryan…” I croaked his name once more, hoping that the wound would magically disappear. He chuckled softly, trying to calm me down.
“Kate,” he muttered, reaching up to brush the tips of my long brown hair. His eyes were glimmering, entrancing me. One of us had to be strong. I wish that it was me, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop crying. His hair was pressed against his sweaty forehead. My heart beat against my chest, trying to break through, as his was fading. I rocked faster, humming as he looked up at the stars.
“Katherine,” he said, mustering his strength to get my attention.
I stopped and glanced down nervously, a wavering smile forming on my face.
“Look.”
I turned my attention to where he was staring. The sky was glowing from the stars dancing far above us. The moon radiated down on the two of us. The air was alive and smelled of the nearing fall and the salty sting of the air. Below us, the waves crashed against the still beach and rocky cliffs where we had taken refuge from the intimidating world around us. He winced under my tightening grip and muttered, “I want to go up there. I want to explore the galaxy, go on an adventure. Do you think I’m going to end up among the stars?”
I choked back a sob. “Oh, don’t say that. You’re gonna be alright, ok? You’re going to be alright. A-okay. They’re gonna patch you up, and you’ll be fine by tomorrow!”
He chuckled and scanned the stars. I felt like I was trying to convince myself more than him. I couldn’t imagine my world without him. I’ve already lost so much in these past few years. I wasn’t ready to lose another.
“Hey, Kate?”
I snapped back to reality, readjusting the coat to soak up more blood. Ryan was still staring at the stars, his eyes glazed over.
“Yes?”
“Tell me what our future is going to be like.”
“W-What?”
“That story you always told me. The one when we get married.”
“W-Well…” I hesitated, the tears still rolling down my cheeks. I had been listening to distant sounds, listening for the help, the panic arising in my chest when I was greeted with silence; listening for the man I wanted to take revenge on, the anger bubbling in my stomach when I thought of the barrel of the gun pointing at his chest, taking away my joy and happiness right in front of my eyes. I shook my head, trying to push aside those overwhelming feelings that battled for dominance. “Close your eyes, and I’ll tell you.”
Ryan’s blue eyes, once clouded with fear, gently shut, and I could hear his labored breathing fading.
“We were going to get married, and once we got out of here, we were going to go move to a little apartment in Manhattan…” I began, recalling the stories I had created all those nights that I had spent with him, up on this little fantasy world that had saved me so many times in these past ten years.
Not far off, I heard a rustle in the tall grass. Perhaps I could catch him, the man with the gun, if he didn’t get to me first, I thought. Anger had won.
Ryan mumbled, interrupting my thoughts, “One with a view of the city, right?”
I nodded, and stroked his golden hair away from his closed eyes. “And we would own fish instead of cats or dogs, because you have bad allergies to them...”
Ryan interrupted, “And you would let me care for them, since you were never good with animals.” He chuckled, a goofy grin spreading across his pale face. His crackling voice sounding distant and far, but he had a humorous tone that was telling me that he was alright.
“I never was,” I repeated faintly.
“And I get to buy a little fishbowl, right? A new fishbowl for our plethora of fish.”
“A fishbowl.”
I strained my ears, listening for the sirens, listening for the man. If only I had acted sooner, if only I had warned him when I had heard the rustle in the grass, if only I had done something more. I glanced around me, waiting for the man to reappear and finish me off as well. If only. A surge of anger rose up once more, and I wanted nothing more but to get revenge on the one who did this. To kill him.
“When are we gonna get married?”
Ryan’s faint voice drew my attention back to his bleeding body, and I once more adjusted my jacket.
“S-Soon,” I said, smiling down at his resting body for reassurance, although he never saw it. I felt it was more for me than for him.
“Go on, Kate, tell me what we’re going to do after that.”
“Well, after we get enough money, we’ll go build a rocket and go explore the stars.”
“Me and you. And our fish.”
“You… and me.” I was choking back a sob now, my feelings of anger melting away and fear and realization took its place.
“And the fish,” Ryan added, his voice now a hushed whisper.
“And the fish. We’ll go to the next solar system over, with no more bad men with guns or abusive fathers or dead mothers. We’ll travel far away from here, where we can protect each other, and we won’t ever look back.”
Ryan’s eyes wearily opened, and a little smile stretched across his lips. “I thought you were scared of space, scared of the dark.”
I shook my head, my eyes tearing up just looking at him. I placed my hand across his sweaty forehead, and felt the coldness greet the warmth of my palm. “No,” I cried. “No, Ryan. I’m not scared. I was never scared, and I’m not now. That’s a thing I want you to know. Because you’re here.”
Not too far away, I heard the sirens. But they were too far. They had to get here in time. This time. This time.
But they didn’t.
“I hope you visit me in space. I hope you fulfill our dream.”
Ryan smiled, at the stars, and then at my teary eyes.
“I’ll miss you, Kate.”
I froze, my body tensing as he pushed himself up. I held him and felt him pull away my bloody jacket.
“No, Ryan, you can’t…”
“You are a truly amazing person. I hope you’re no longer scared of the dark.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I sat up to stare at him longingly. For a minute, he looked like the Ryan I knew, the happy-go-lucky boy who was smart and good at sports. Ryan Seals, the “boy wonder” who was star of our high school varsity lacrosse team. My boyfriend, a 18 year old with a bright future set ahead for him, and for some reason, chose me to be by his side. For a minute, for even a split second, he was the boy I had fallen in love with, my life saver.
I hardly noticed he had propped himself up in spite of the burning pain that ripped through his entire body just to pull my face towards his. He kissed me gently before he leaned back and turned his attention to the dark space that hid the wonders of the universe which he had always yearned to explore.
“I’m going to be up there,” he pointed to the dancing stars and the gleaming moon. He traced his finger across the sky, as if he were feeling it, waving hello, telling the universe, I’m coming.
“Please take care of the fish, Katherine Tate.”
He smiled and the light behind his eyes flickered out. He stared at me without seeing the tears rolling down my cheeks as I pulled his limp form into my arms.