“Where the hell is my phone” the girl said to herself as she walked into the café. As she finished what she was saying she ran into a masculine figure, dropping her bags. “I’m so sorry I should’ve looked where I was going” she said as she bent down to gather her things. When she began to look up at the figure she had run into she had an overwhelming feeling they had met before. “Wait, CARSON?! Holy crap,” she leaned in and hugged the smiling boy “how long has it been since we last saw each other?”
“Lauren!” he said as he leaned in to hug the girl “Gosh I don’t know it has to have been four years. Last time I saw you was at Dylan’s bonfire.”
Lauren sighed heavily, “It’s been that long? Feels like that was just last weekend.”
Carson light heartedly laughed, he remembered that summer perfectly well. It was the summer before senior year started. He was homeschooled at the time and she went to public school in another town. She was a couple years younger, but much more mature. They had met through mutual friends. She wasn’t his ‘type’ considering he was a southern, cowboy boot, and Patagonia baseball hat wearing guy and she was a free-spirited, flannel, and black converse high top wearing girl. They were complete opposites but as they say opposites attract. The moment they met there was an instant connection. They spent the rest of the summer together, no one ever saw them apart.
Every Monday they got brunch together. Every Wednesday they went fishing together. Every Friday they went to a bonfire together. Every Saturday Lauren went to his baseball tournaments with his family. Then on Sundays they went to church together, then ate dinner with their families together. One Sunday they would eat with her family, the next with his. They did absolutely everything together. There was no title on their relationship. It was unclear if they were just best friends or a couple but, it was clear that they loved and cared for each other from the bottom of their hearts. Yet they never said those three words.
“I wish we could go back in time,” Carson said.
“I do too, that summer was the best I can remember.”
“I can’t remember a better one either, well how are you? Do you want to sit down and catch up?”
“That sounds great.” They each grabbed a coffee and sat down at a table in the corner.
“What have you been up to lately?”
“Well I got back from Europe about a month ago and I’m going to Africa in less than three months. How about you?”
“I’m engaged and I have a great job in journalism.”
Lauren coughed and her heart sank into her stomach, “You’re engaged?”
“Yeah, to Kate. Do you remember her?”
“Yeah vaguely, well I’m happy for you,” she said and gave him a pained smile.
“Thanks,” he said and returned the smile.
Lauren wanted to tell him how she felt, that she still loved him after all those years apart. But she knew he was happy now.
During Carson’s senior year they had hung out as much as they could but they slowly began to drift. At the end of the school year they were barely together once a week. It was very hard on the both of them. The beginning of summer was very hard because by then they had drifted so far apart that they just stopped trying. Deep down they knew it was best for them considering soon Carson would be in college and Lauren would still be in high school.
“Do you remember that night? You know Dylan’s bonfire, I go back to it every single day.”
“Yeah, I do too,” you could hear the sadness in Lauren’s voice.
“I’m sorry things went the way they did.”
“I am too if I hadn’t of said all I did maybe things would have been different.”
“No you were right to have yelled at me, I should have just said it. I did love you it just took me too long to admit it to myself,” Carson said looking down at his empty coffee mug.
Lauren took a deep breath, she was sitting across from the boy she had loved for most of high school. The boy who she could never get off her mind no matter how hard she tried. The boy who grew into the man she knew he would be. She couldn’t help but smile. She wanted to tell him, her whole body was on edge. She wanted to ask the same question she had asked all those years before. She needed to know if he could finally admit to the feelings he so blatantly had. She locked eyes with Carson’s ocean blue eyes and exhaled a breath she didn’t know she was holding in. “Are you happy?”
“Yes, why?”
His answer answered her question. She couldn’t bring herself to sit with him for much longer so she casually pulled her phone out and checked the time which had seemed to have slipped away. “Just making sure” she replied, “I’m so sorry but I have to be at a doctor’s appointment in a half hour.”
“It was so great to see you again,” Carson said as he stood up.
“Yeah it was. Maybe I’ll see you around,” Lauren said leaning in for a hug. Her eyes met his as she pulled away and couldn’t help but wonder if she had made the right decision of not asking as she walked out of the café.
A couple weeks later Lauren got a text message from an unknown number saying “Hey I was wondering how you were doing. Do you want to meet up for coffee or something?” She responded asking who it was. It ended up being Carson so she responded asking where and when. They met up at the same place they ran into each other before. Lauren was extremely nervous, she was very intrigued to see how Carson was doing recently. Carson got to the café first and was sitting at the same table they had sat at the time before. Lauren walked up a couple minutes after Carson and smiled when she saw him sitting at the table. Carson stood up and hugged her. “How have you been?” Carson joyously asked.
“I’ve been doing alright, could be better.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Oh no it’s fine I’m just super busy. But how about yourself?”
“I’m pretty good, can’t really complain.”
“How’s the wedding planning?”
“Well Kate’s taken that over and told me not worry about it.”
“That’s lucky for you,” she lightheartedly laughed.
They made small talk for a while then Carson paused and asked, “Am I doing the right thing?”
“What do you mean?”
“Am I doing the right thing in marrying Kate, even though I love another woman?”
Lauren was taken aback by this. She sat there stuttering for a couple moments. “Well I don’t really know-uh. I guess you have to weigh each person, does one make you happier than another?”
“I don’t really know, Kate has become a totally different person than the woman I fell in love with. But this other woman hasn’t changed.”
Lauren thought about herself and she knew she had changed a lot from high school. “What about the other woman?” Lauren got a quick burst of adrenaline and asked, “By chance, do I know her?”
Carson paused for a moment, Lauren’s heart began to race and she leaned forward slightly as she crossed her legs.
“I don’t think you know her I met her in college. Her name’s Marissa.”
Lauren felt her heart break into a million pieces, cutting her insides. “Oh,” was all she could say.
“Yeah I just figured since you’ve seemed to know me the best out of all the people in my life. I understand we were disconnected for a while but I honestly haven’t changed so I thought you could help me.”
“Go for the woman you fell in love with second because if you truly loved the first woman you never would have fallen for the second.”