I was in a very long corridor; the length of it was so huge that no end was visible. I was standing perfectly still not to disturb the morbid silence that wrapped every inch of the surroundings. My eyesight was intensified, so I can see the smallest paint-blisters on the featureless cold white walls, tiny particles of dust on the worn out tile floor and the junctures between the wooden skirting boards. Offending rays of alien light from the neon tubes above unnerved me immediately. I had no strength to move further, the body was rooted in the ground and the pain abruptly tied a knot around my neck. I knew I should open the door with a familiar surname on it, I knew I should force myself to do the first step; I knew he strongly needed me, but the mute panic made me unable to touch the handle.
Somebody sexless in a white doctor's smock passed by and I came to myself. Thin sharp pikes pierced through my heart that sunk in an uneasy wait, transforming a hard-beating organ into force-meat, a friable mass of small size and fulvous colour. An incredible feeling ' as if you're watching everything from aside; you're a speechless spectator of a heart-rending, frightening show. The darkness roughly settles in your eyes, a faded shroud wraps up everything around keeping only a spot of yellow morbid light. But confused-moving grey dots fill up this dim space several seconds after. And you feel only your tears falling with leaden drops and a horrible ache in your chest which paralyses the lungs and doesn't let you breathe. An instantaneous desire is formed in your consciousness ' you want to be shrunk in a shrivelled pea and occupy the most trifling part in the world you live.
I spared no effort to open the nearest door. A plastic blue chair next to the bed was waiting for me. I set in. My husband's head was resting on a flat and lumpy pillow; the bed was uneven. His hands were twisted up with clear tubes and an additional one was tapped across his face, under his nose. He was out.
My trembling fingers reached for his palms.
'Oh, Nathan' I miss you so much'I've been missing you every second you were out; my every cell needs you badly and I don't know how to find the inner power to live without your presence nearby. It's ridiculous but I remember all the simple things you've done throughout our years together. I'll never forget almost translucent magic that appeared on your fingertips when you snapped them; I'll always save in my heart a tiny rainbow that illuminated your crystal-clear hoar-frosty eyes when you were happy and a cashmere plaid your lips always left on my skin will stay with me forever. I've never said it but I wear a small halo when you look at me with a warmth in your gaze; I'm an angel with you and a brilliant ray of light shines on my destiny when you're here, with me. Nathan, I love you, I love you more than anything in this life, Nathan''
The morning was dim and grey. Nathan died without regaining consciousness.