I stared at the date today. It's 17 April , about 2 days from my birthday. I guess some people never change, huh ? About a year ago , I remembered clearly what I was doing on the same day. I called him , and dropped a few hints about my special day. It's kind of ironic of how when 19th of April came , he never reached out to me . He didn't wish me moreover buy me a gift. Sometimes I wish he'd have a clue of what I wish he would be.

 That's not the only time I've been disappointed. I can still feel the pain of missing him during the day. I can still feel the longingness of mine just to see him , just for him to care when he's flooded my mind. But sadly , when I did text him , all he could say was "ok lol". What's so funny about missing someone ? Do we come off too desperate ? Or am I being possesive ? I don't think so. Sometimes I wish he'd have a clue that I want him to destroy the wall of ego between us.

   Looking at it now , last December. I realised that it has been months we were in love. But the distance between us that grows is just too jarring. I remembered when I walked out , I couldn't take the heat and the monsters , the anxiety inside me . And he just let me go . Sometimes I wish he'd chase after me and tell me that he needs me.

  But sometimes , I sat down alone by myself. Maybe it's true that he doesn't want to be my superman , maybe it's true his ego is more important than our relationship, maybe it's best if he'd just let me walk away. If he really loved me , maybe he wouldn't have done all those things. It always felt like what's the next road block that's going to deter this. If love was supposed to give you the anxiety, then maybe this love is not meant to be.

  I glanced at the date. It's 17 April and 2 days before my brithday. I think it's time to move on and live my life.