The tent gets smaller and smaller with every breath I take.

“Just go,” Whispers Liana as she attempts to shove me out of the tent.

“Okay!” I whine. I slowly unzip the tent, hesitate, then turn around and ask “But what if I get caught?”
Krysta grabs my hands and reassures me, “You won’t.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

My cousins have been my best friends as for as long as I can remember. If it’s possible to be closer to them, we’d turn into the same person.

“Besides, if anyone asks we’ll just say you’re in the bathroom,” Liana says impatiently.

With determination and butterflies in my stomach, I slowly unzip the tent. I stumble quietly, tripping over the tent floor, as I try to find my slippers in the dark, hoping I’m not attracting any attention. I hear my cousins giggling with excitement which makes me aware of the safe haven I am walking away from. I walk until the grass covered on pine needles turns into an black paved road. The low buzzing of the dim orange street lights reminds me of how alone I am. Feeling silly as I look both ways, aware that there’s no way cars are driving around Bellows at this hour, but I decide to use the crosswalk anyway. The more distance I put between myself and the street, the darker it gets. The sound of the waves meeting the sand calms me down enough to keep my legs moving. I’m excited to see him, but I feel my mind start to leave me to do this alone. I walk down until I am halfway to the see. A place that turns into something more once the sun goes down. I walk down to the right, I know where he is without needing to look and I easily navigate my way through the moonlit darkness. I feel the cold sand dance between my toes as I stop upon a brown eyed, dark messy haired boy. 

“I should have told you to bring a towel…It’s pretty hot,” he says sarcastically as it was obviously very cold at this hour.

The sound of his voice alone makes me smile. I notice his eyes focus on the light blue envelope in-between my fingers. With the light generously given to us by the stars and the moon, I see him begin to study my face. I don’t let him examine for long, worried he’ll discover the hundreds of flaws. Panic begins to squeeze my chest, so I turn to focus on the line that separate the sea and the sky.  I break the silence as I place myself down beside him.

“I’m practically sweating,” I attempt to mirror his sarcasm, but fail miserably.

I lay down and scan the black sky in search of some type of composure. I don’t think twice before putting my hair into the sand, letting the curls swallow up every grain. I breathe deeply, aiming to steady the pace of my heart. I wouldn’t be giving him the letter if he wasn’t leaving. I know if I don’t do it tonight, I never will. The letter is everything I’ve ever wanted to say to him.

“Hunter?” I say into the stars.

“Yes.”

“I don’t know how to talk,” I says nervously, pleading the stars to help.

“Me neither,”

I sit up and I contemplate letting the ocean take these words, but my arm reaches out without consent and hands him the little blue envelope.

“So, I wrote everything down,” I mumble, “because I knew I would forget something or say something wrong if I tried to say it myself.” I explain, hoping he’ll understand that its physically impossible for me to say these words to his face.

Without a word, he takes the envelope gently from my hand and holds it for a second. The sound of the envelop opening rips a hole in my stomach. My heart is written out in blue ink on those eleven pieces of folder paper, and I can’t take it back now. I immediately lie back down into the sand, attempting to burry myself completely. I think of how funny it is that my whole heart fit on those mere pieces of paper, when the truth is I could’ve written him a whole novel.

I have been chasing this boy for three years. He’s been my summer love since freshmen year, but when the school year starts he stops answering his phone. In school, it would feel as if he’s forgotten my existence, but this year was different. I wait patiently all year for summer, for the time when I get to be his again, but this year summer came a bit early. We fell for each other when the air was cold, and we’re still falling now that the air is warm. By the time we realized how far down we fell, it was too late to get back up. He took down his walls and let this flood of a girl get closer than anyone has ever been before. The past six months we’ve grown together, closer than we have over the five years we’ve known each other. I don’t get tired of him like I do with every other boy that has ventured to hold me close. His favorite things become my favorite things, and I can’t tell if it’s because we think alike or if it’s because he is my favorite thing. He rarely mentions the way I look, but he says he “likes my mind”. I can talk to a hundred people in one day, but none of them can compare to the smile he can give me in a split second. He started a fire in me that I only read about in books, reminding me there this always some truth in fiction.

I am reminded of where I am when a sudden rain falls upon us. Before I know it I’m up and following Hunter to the nearest cover. We end up in the life guard stand where there are two green plastic chairs that look like they were made just for us. I snuggle my feet in between his blue striped jacket and the back of his chair, trying to touch him in any way that I can.

He’s finished reading the letter and we’re sitting in an uncomfortable silence. I would give all the pennies in the world for his thoughts right now. Regretting everything I put in that stupid letter I now wish had never written, suddenly insecure and unsure about any feelings I thought he had for me. He says nothing, so I say nothing. I sit there, freezing, thinking about every bad thing he could possibly be thinking about. I think about the warm blankets in my tent, while everyone is asleep except us. I stared straight ahead for hours, in silence, thinking about how I could draw this view from memory for the rest of my life because of how long I’ve been staring at it. The longer I sit, the angrier I get. I have literally handed my soul to him and he doesn’t have the decency to at least say thank you, or anything for the matter. I check my phone and it’s 3 A.M. Deciding that I’ve had enough anticipation, I stand up to leave.

“If you didn’t like it, you could have said so four hours ago,” I say with tears in my eyes

I am already stepping over him down the stairs when he grabs my arm and turns me around.

“What do you want me to say?” he asks, honestly wanting an answer. As if I could give him the words to say. I turn and walk towards my tent.

I want him to tell me how the letter made him feel. I want him to tell me the only reason he wasn’t talking is because he was waiting till his answer was perfect. I want him to tell me that nothing he says could explain the way he feels. I want him to tell me he loves me too.  But he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything. I know I should leave, and that I deserve better, but when I hear his footsteps behind mine, I start to slow down. When he catches up I turn around, hoping he’ll give me any reason to stay. I watch as he paces back and forth, which confuses me. I should be the one freaking out. He’s looking down and when he stops right in front of me, he puts down the letter, and looks into my eyes in a way no one ever has before.

“I don’t know how to talk either, and I want to make sure this comes out right.” He says nervously, but with such intent that I know what he is about to say, he means. With everything in him.

“I fall for you every summer, Ella. Every summer since I’ve known you.”

I forget everything around me, I forget about myself, and all that matters in this moment is to hear everything Hunter is saying. To hear it well enough that my memory will never fail to recall this moment perfectly.
“I see you in everything. Everything I do, I wish you were with me. Everywhere I go, I see the things you would love there. Every time I see a dog, a flower that’s not a rose, and every time the sky turns purple, I picture the smile it would cause on your face. Whenever I see a cute kid, I think of all the kids you want to have. When I watch a scary movie, I can’t help but wish you there to squint your eyes and squeeze my hand.” He grabs my face softly, and my lungs fail to function. He has never been so close.

“Nothing I say can explain to you how much you mean to me. You are my future now, and that scares me.” He says as he pulls me into him. He kisses me like he’s been waiting his whole life to do so.

That is more than what I need to hear. That’s more than enough to make me stay. And I do.