Her hair smelled like lavender, her skin soft like rose petals. I kissed the top part of her forehead as my usual welcome home greeting, I was happy to see her again since she’d been out working all day.
“Hi honey,” she mumbled. Freeing her hands of her bag and cup of coffee, Ashley shrugged off her coat and unwound the scarf from her neck. As she sat down at the dinner, my wife seemed more tense than usual, so I got to work on giving her my famous shoulder massage while dinner was simmering on the stove. Abruptly, Ashley stood up and mumbled something about needing a glass of wine under her breath while sidestepping me. Something is up, I know this because I feel anger rising inside of me. I took a deep breath, relax my clenched fists, and decide to ask her when she comes back if everything is okay.
“Honey,” I say, looking at her softly as she walks back to the table, “is everything okay? You seem oddly quiet, like you’re avoiding me.” I took the seat next to her and reached out to touch her hand, but she quickly pulled back.“Ashley, what’s going on?” I questioned, less softly with a hint of irritation behind my voice. I reached out to her again to get some form of eye contact, but she quickly jumped up from the chair.
“Peter, stop, I just,” she took a long, drawn out breath. “We’re struggling with money right now, Peter. I’ve been working endless hours and all you do is sit at the house all day long while I’m bending over backwards to support the both of us.” My mind paused, my breathing came to a halt. I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach, was she really that oblivious to everything I have done for us? My anger boiled, faster than it ever has before. I was graceful these last few weeks, as she would come home a bit quieter than usual, but she had the audacity to wait this long to tell me what was wrong? The audacity to say I’m essentially lazy? I can’t believe it.
“I do so much around this house when you’re gone,” I replied, my voice cold as ice. “I have dinner ready whenever you get home, I keep the place clean, I keep things organized, I do everything you’re supposed to do, Ashley.” Her facial expression changed, and I knew in this moment that I had opened the floodgates, where water sears through now rushes out destroying everything in its path.

“Did you really just say that to me?  I work so hard to support the two of us, Peter. If I didn’t work we would have nothing,” she snapped. Embers began to ignite in her eyes, and there was no hint of compassion in her voice. Her attitude angered me even more, to the point I was in a blind rage. The argument became more heated, she got into my face, and the next thing I know, I struck her face with my hand. Everything went silent, and she looks up at me, and I was frozen with guilt when I saw how broken she was. I have gotten mad at her, but never mad enough to lay a finger on her. “Ashley, honey,” I whispered, “I’m so sorry.” I leaned down to help her up, and I feel a sharp pain against my temple. I’ve been hit with a fork that was laid on the table next to us. I feel the blood trickle down my face. This is how she wants to go at this? Two can play this game. I heard her trying to quietly call someone on the phone, Ashley can never be quiet. My rage fueled me, removing any form of compassion I had for her, wakening a monster within me. It would feel nice to finally get all of these frustrations out, even if it has to be on her.

I slipped behind her, one hand covering her mouth, the other one bringing the phone to my ear. “Hello, hi, yes this is Ashley’s husband. I apologize about my wife bothering you, there must have been some mistake. Everything is good here, thank you, have a good night.” I hung up the phone and threw it across the room, feeling Ashley cringe as she heard the glass shatter and the phone fall to the floor. I spun her around, hearing her cry out as my fingers dug into her arms while I slammed her up against the wall. “Go ahead,” I hissed into her ear. “Scream. Scream all you want. The nearest neighbor is a mile away. No one will hear you.” She struggled against my grip, and I got a slight feeling of satisfaction, being able to overpower Ashley so easily. I loosened my grip slightly, allowing her to struggle more. This was a mistake. Ashley slipped out of my grip, grabbing my arm and twisting it behind me with one hand while she was tearing out my hair with the other. I will not stand to be overpowered by a woman. I reached back with my free hand, grabbing nothing but air in hopes of being able to flip her off of me. Finally, for a split second, I felt the top of her shoulder, and I dug my fingers into her and bucked her off of my back. The wind got knocked out of her, and I took those few seconds to go find something to tie her with to restrict her hostile movements. I come back to where I had left her, and she vanished leaving an open room as the only source of evidence.

I spun around on my heel, only to come in contact with a pan. I could feel the blood gushing from my nose. passing out from the blood lose, the next thing I know, Ashley’s tied me up like an insect in a spider web, I was paralyzed. Once my vision clears and I come out of what felt like an eternity of rest, I see that Ashley has a chair pulled up, and she’s fiddling with a knife. “Come on honey,” I laughed, “You wouldn’t use that on me. You can’t bring yourself to do it, don’t kid yourself Ashley.” She looked up, her face a light shade of brown and purple from where I hit her, looking straight at me as if she could see into my soul. Her body peeled away from the chair, Ashley walked behind me, and I feel her grab my arm and roll me onto my back. She’s straddled on top of me, and I see the knife in her hand. Nerves began to set in, “Getting a little kinky aren’t we honey? If you untie me, we can take this to the bedroom,” I laugh, this time with a hint of nervousness. The blade came up pressing against my neck, I close my eyes and cringe, expecting to feel the slicing of my neck, but I hear it slam into the floor next to me. My eyes opened, and I look over to see the blade sticking out of the floor, and I see my reflection in the blade. I feel something warm running across my ear, realizing she had nicked my ear with the knife. Looking up, I see that she’s standing at my feet. Without a word, she turns around, grabs her purse, coat, and car keys, and sets out the front door. Leaving without a trace.

“What was your childhood like?” I asked, admiring her as she looked over the top of her coffee cup as she was drinking it. She set the cup down, and a look of fear crossed her face briefly.
“Well,” she said, taking a deep breath, “I might as well tell you, considering we are getting married.” I laughed nervously, hundreds of ideas going through my head over what her childhood was like. I opened my mouth to speak, but she already began talking. “My parents  got along pretty well for a while, but then my dad passed away unexpectedly when I was seven or eight. Creating a void in my moms heart that had whiskey written all over it. My step-dad tried to fix her puzzle but the pieces were forced together distorting the picture. ” She paused, looked at me as if she was making sure I was still there, then continued. “The corrupt liquid tainted and spreaded to his piece. He would hit her, force her to do things she didn’t want to do, and one day I got sick of it and tried to step in. My step-dad and I started going at it, screaming and yelling at each other, and then he hit me. I was twelve when that happened, the first time another man ever laid a hand on me. He continued to rough me up, but I took the beatings for my mom, I couldn’t stand to see her hurting. I just wanted to protect her. I failed though, she died when I was fifteen, my step-dad was arrested. I learned to fight to protect myself, once I turned eighteen I left my grandparents house and began my own life.” I looked at her with a whole new perspective. She was beautiful strong, everything I ever wanted and I leaned over to grab her hand, to tell her…

My eyes slowly opened, and then my entire mind became alert. That memory had completely escaped my mind, only to show up now. Guilt overwhelmed me, as I realized what I had done.  My entire body was racked with sobs, as I was crying out her name and apologizing, though I knew she couldn’t hear me. “Ashley, I’m so sorry, please come back,” I wailed. I tried to break free of the ropes, but it was impossible to do. I wish I could rewind the night, talk to her instead of fighting her. I couldn’t believe I let myself get so angry, to do that to her. Remembering the anger, it began to boil inside of me. How could she leave me here? I suddenly remembered the knife was still in the floor. I rolled my body to an angle that I could potentially saw the ropes with the blade, but it was going to be a challenge to break free.

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, and hours turned into what felt like an eternity, but it had only been a day or so since I began trying to cut myself free. Finally, the tension of the ropes loosened. I couldn’t believe it, I actually managed to get out of the ropes. Now I was faced with the question, what do I do?Should I return to her to fix my wrongs? So many possibilities racked my brain, I stepped outside to take a walk. The sun was blinding, but the weather was warm, and I could hear and see the wildlife roaming in the backwoods of the house. I remember that Ashley and I used to walk back here, and she would bring food for the deer and they’d come right up to her. The birds would come land on our porch, waiting for her to bring them leftover bread each night. As I was walking, I decided to reminisce all the memory we handcrafted together, and I fell in love with her all over again through the memories. There was hardly ever a dull moment with her, and with this realization, I knew what I needed to do.

The mirror was fogged up from my hot shower. I wiped away a part of the steam, looking at my fresh-shaven face, and noticing that there was no longer any blood on my body. I felt physically clean, but my insides still stained. Pulling on a shirt, I finished getting ready, brushed my teeth, grabbed my coat, and set down our driveway. After walking for what seemed like hours, I arrived at the right place. I opened the door, walked up to the front counter.
“Hello sir, how can I help you?”
“Hi, good evening,” I said, drawing in a deep breath, “I’d like to turn myself in for domestic abuse.”
The cops quickly had me arrested, putting the paperwork through, and allowed me my one phone call. I dialed in the number, and listened to the line ring.
“Hello?”
I heard her voice, and my heart filled with sadness and regret. “Ashley, hey, it’s me. Look I turned myself in. I’m so sorry for what I did to you, you’re safe now. I did this because I love you, okay? I love you, Ash.” I quickly slammed the phone onto the wall hanging up, not wanting to hear a response. I walked away never looking back again.