Senior Prom. This is going to be my last one and I want it to be special. So far, I have never had a good experience at prom. I want to go with someone that I care about and someone who cares about me. I decide this year’s prom is going to be different. I want an actual date.
Beginning of my last semester as a high school student and I couldn’t be more exhausted. I get ready and I drive to school, most of my free time is spent helping out the drama teacher, Patrick Fujioka, in the drama room. I aspire to be a drama teacher as well when I graduate from college. The drama room is seen by some as a cold dark room underneath the ground, I see home. During one of the lessons Mr. Fujioka has to check on some students out in the hall so I take over class for short period of time. I never got to know the students well before this, so seeing all their faces makes them look like strangers. I help out as many students as I can with their monologues and they all start saying things to me as if I were already a teacher. This is making me extremely joyful. As I’m helping out this Junior boy someone taps my shoulder from behind. I turn around to face what appears to be an angel.
“Excuse me? How would you deliver this line right here?” she asks me.
I stand for a second in shock looking at the spectacle she is. After I snap back to reality I ask to see the script. The line is “Justice was served?!” and it’s a part of an angry courtroom monologue. I help her as much as I can but it all seems to come naturally to her. I feel a tingle in my chest and I quickly move on to the next student, but even as I help them I cannot stop thinking about that girl. Mr. Fujioka returns and flashes me a smile. I quickly walk up to him before he completely enters the room.
“Hey, Fuj, who’s that girl over there?” I point over to the girl that had asked me for help.
“I don’t know? I would have to check the attendance roster, I still don’t have everyone’s names down,” he says as he chuckles.
“Oh alright,” I walk back into the room and go back to helping students, but I can’t get this girl out of my head. Who is she? How old is she? Why did I freeze? I never get nervous when I talk to anyone. I’m the outgoing extravert who everyone knows isn’t shy. Something about her in that short five-minute exchange really got to me. I find myself making quick glances to her from across the room, I can’t help myself.
The bell rings and Mr. Fujioka releases all of the students. I start to walk over to the girl but my feet don’t move. Why won’t they move? I start to feel an odd sensation in the pit of my stomach, I’m nervous. I laugh at even the thought of me being shy, but I can’t bring myself to talk to her.
Days go by and I still haven’t started a conversation with her. She has approached me for help with acting time to time, but I can’t bring up anything social. She’s talented, I can’t believe that I never met her before. She always makes me laugh when we have our short interactions about acting, which I find extremely attractive. So far, we have amazing actress, funny and beautiful. This girl is the total package. Is this the girl I want to take to prom?
The quarter is coming to the end. The girl and I have been talking a lot more recently and whenever we do I can’t help but smile. With spring break around the corner, I decide it would be the perfect opportunity to get to know her outside of school. I muster up all the courage I possibly can and walk up to her.
“Hey, so um…I was wondering if you’d want to hang out over spring break?”
“Sure!”
Yes! On the inside, I’m screaming with excitement, but on the outside, I reply with, “Cool.”
“But I’m leaving to go back home to big island like, four days into break so it would have to be sooner rather than later.”
“How’s Saturday?” I ask hopeful.
“Can’t. I have a golf tournament”
“What about Sunday?”
“I can’t then either, I already have plans with some friends, how’s about I just text you and we’ll work it out later?”
Again, on the inside, screaming and on the outside, “Sure.”
I give her my phone number. She calls me so I have hers and we go to our next class.
I’m pretty sure this is the girl I want to take to prom.
Spring break comes around and I failed to make any plans with her before she left to big island. I’m a little disappointed because now I have less time to ask her to prom. I start to fall asleep when suddenly an idea hits me out of nowhere. I decide I’m going to make a video promposal. I call up one of my friends to help me and I drive all over the island going to touristy places and stuff like that. I figured since she lived on the Big Island she wouldn’t have had much time to see O’ahu. We drive to Pali lanes and bowl, then to Pali lookout and check out the amazing view overlooking all the green of Kaneohe and Kailua, then over to Tats for shave ice and then down to the movie theater. Ok so we didn’t go all over the island, but the windward side is nice too!
I arrive back home and immediately start editing all of the footage together. I didn’t want the video to be too short but I also wanted not to be boring. I added all kinds of music and things to help and I made it the best I possibly could. Now to send it. The video is too big to text so I have to email it. All I have to do is push one button but, my hand is frozen. I can’t do this. I move the mouse over to click delete but hit send by mistake. I start freaking out. My heart is racing at a million beat per minute and I want to just curl up into a ball in the corner. How did that happen? What if she says no? What if she thinks I’m weird for doing this? I say some explicit words before my computer rings out with a reply email. That was too fast, I don’t want to open it. If I don’t open it then I won’t feel the pain of rejection. My body moves without me telling to and opens the email, there’s no words just a video attached. It looks like her sitting in her room. Curiously, I watch the video. She goes on a rant about how the video I made was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for her and how she would love to go with me to prom. I’m in shock and disbelief. I almost jump out of my chair in excitement. Next thing you know, we’re texting day and night, I trust her right away.

March 2018

April 2018

May 2018

I need to stop this, I tore her from my life for a reason. I can’t think about her. It’s only going to hurt more. I need to forget about her. I know this isn’t healthy. Stop. Thinking about her hurts, I know she’s not a bad person but all she did was hurt me. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I need to find help.