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Monster

September 11, 2009
By Meago GOLD, Spring City, Tennessee
More by this author
Meago GOLD, Spring City, Tennessee
17 articles 2 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
How come when you need something the most- that's the time when you have to fight the hardest to receive it?

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As I'm sitting here, in this box-shaped room, staring at my prey three feet away from me, I am anxious. This child, an innocent child, will die. She is nothing to me, nothing at all. When she wakes, only then will she notice my presence. She is sleeping calmly, probably dreaming sweet childish fantasies of blue skies and purple unicorns flying to see a magical princess. Little does she know that in a few short hours her rosey red complexion will fade away to meet a dull white color. Little does she know that the curls that surround her face will fade and cover a life-less dull face. Little does she know of her radiant blue eyes fading with the sunset. Unlike the sun, her eyes will never surface again.

~Little does she know of the monster I am~

© Elizabeth G., Marblehead, MA

The author's comments:
This was written for my creative writing class. Let's just say the teacher was a little worred.
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This article has 206 comments.

Arco_Sine BRONZE said...
on Jul. 18 2011 at 10:27 am
Arco_Sine BRONZE, Berwyn, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 18 comments
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I'm happy I was able to explain myself :-)

 

Penfencer BRONZE said...
on Jul. 17 2011 at 9:28 pm
Penfencer BRONZE, Amherst, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I see you have a sword. I have one too. They&#039;re very ... manly. And ... tough.&quot;<br /> -Mulan

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Yeah totally ... I see what you mean. Like that the circumstance shouldn't be the thing pushing the characters along, the characters should be interesting enough that they kind of pull everything forward, right? I agree with that. I guess we were kind of talking about different things :)
Arco_Sine BRONZE said...
on Jul. 17 2011 at 6:25 pm
Arco_Sine BRONZE, Berwyn, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 18 comments
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I wasn't saying anything wrong about the one paragraph format. By meaningful characters I mean characters that push the idea along, ones that aren't shoved along by the plot.
Penfencer BRONZE said...
on Jul. 17 2011 at 5:11 pm
Penfencer BRONZE, Amherst, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I see you have a sword. I have one too. They&#039;re very ... manly. And ... tough.&quot;<br /> -Mulan

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I agree with you, but I want to point out that paragraph-long vignettes that work to just capture a mood can be quite powerful. I wouldn't box 'good writing' in quite so much if I were you. I do see what you mean about creating meaningful characters as well.
StarGazer453 SILVER said...
on Jul. 12 2011 at 8:55 pm
StarGazer453 SILVER, Somewhere In A State, Massachusetts
7 articles 3 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
A room without books is like a body without a soul. ~Cicero<br /> My best friend is someone who gives me a book I have not yet read. ~President Abraham Lincoln<br /> The one who smiles when things go wrong has thought if someone to blame it on. ~Robert Bloch

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I loved the mysteriousness of this piece.  The monster is hinted at subtly, but not fully explained.  I'm leaning towards vampire, though.  

Brilliant work!  5/5!

C.K.Snow SILVER said...
on Jul. 11 2011 at 2:06 pm
C.K.Snow SILVER, Morden, Other
6 articles 10 photos 71 comments
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I quite like this article and it caught my attention almost immediately.

I recently wrote an article called, "Artemis James and the Foxwirth Curse". I would appreciate it if you checked it out.

Fizza SILVER said...
on Jun. 28 2011 at 5:23 am
Fizza SILVER, Raipur, Other
7 articles 2 photos 177 comments
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what do you think, vampires exists?
Laura_Oliver GOLD said...
on Jun. 26 2011 at 6:40 pm
Laura_Oliver GOLD, Manchester, Connecticut
12 articles 2 photos 122 comments
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Talk about being short and sweet. I, personally, would have written a longer story about a long, tragic battle and the gory ending - or not so gory. It's pretty good for only a paragraph, honestly.
DontWorryBeHappy123987 SILVER said...
on Jun. 26 2011 at 4:27 pm
DontWorryBeHappy123987 SILVER, Weston, Florida
5 articles 3 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it&#039;s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life&#039;s realities. <br /> Dr. Seuss

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great job! very descriptive too. You surely painted an image in my head a made great metaphors. This leaves me wanting to read more!
Arco_Sine BRONZE said...
on Jun. 15 2011 at 6:49 pm
Arco_Sine BRONZE, Berwyn, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 18 comments
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You have the capability to write well. Your writing works very well. The problem is what you're writing about. It seems to just be about capturing a mood, with no point or purpose. Be original, come up with characters that are diverse and opinionated. Writing well is great, but it can only go so far if there isn't a good story.
jazzy13 said...
on Jun. 10 2011 at 5:47 pm
i liked it. i think you wrote it well. dont worry, my writing teacher sometimes looks at me like im crazy. plz write more!!
captaindanger SILVER said...
on Jun. 2 2011 at 5:02 pm
captaindanger SILVER, Boca Raton, Florida
5 articles 0 photos 21 comments
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Wow, this is a bit disturbing. O.o But good too. You describe the corpse well. (That felt really weird to type.)
xX_so-confused_Xx PLATINUM said...
on May. 26 2011 at 11:48 am
xX_so-confused_Xx PLATINUM, Renton, Washington
25 articles 0 photos 9 comments
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Dude you should totally write a full-lenght story or something! This is SUPER good XD
Meko8195 said...
on May. 3 2011 at 7:45 pm
Meko8195, Dover, Pennsylvania
0 articles 4 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger; the hard lessons make the difference...and the difference makes it worth it.

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In a way i hope she doesn't add more. It probably would be better that way. It allows the readers minds to think what they want to think. :)
Meko8195 said...
on May. 3 2011 at 7:44 pm
Meko8195, Dover, Pennsylvania
0 articles 4 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger; the hard lessons make the difference...and the difference makes it worth it.

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I scare my teachers all the time when we do things like this. usually i reply back with "wait until you read my poetry" LOL

 

BreakingInside BRONZE said...
on Apr. 27 2011 at 2:39 pm
BreakingInside BRONZE, Pinson, Alabama
4 articles 0 photos 29 comments
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It was short....but i absoulutly loved it!
Kitty.Meow.Daly SILVER said...
on Apr. 5 2011 at 7:38 pm
Kitty.Meow.Daly SILVER, Clarksville, Tennessee
9 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Cowards die many times before their deaths, The valiant never taste of death but once.&quot; - Spakespeare<br /> Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something ~Wesley<br /> Dare to move~ A Walk to Remember

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Short but very intresting 
imdefyinggravity SILVER said...
on Apr. 5 2011 at 3:39 pm
imdefyinggravity SILVER, Bolton, Connecticut
8 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
You don&#039;t want to hear it, but someone has got to tell you, they&#039;re just shoes! LET THEM GO! ~Glinda

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its short, but i like it. Its kinda vague, but that just adds mystery to it. Keep writing! I hope you add on to this, i bet it would be a great start to a story!
Jenns_Ink said...
on Apr. 5 2011 at 9:12 am
Jenns_Ink, Lawrenceville, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 9 comments
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It Is Amazing. Very Creative.
Chaday1911 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 4 2011 at 3:25 pm
Chaday1911 BRONZE, West Point, Mississippi
1 article 30 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Better to have loved, than not have loved at all.&quot; Ginuwine

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It is very short but I love it! Do some more thanx!!