Once upon a time a young woman sat sprawled in a throne. Her right foot slowly bouncing in the air. Her long black fur shown almost blue in the fire light making her red ears stand out more. Suddenly as if a switch was flipped she jumped up fur bristling. “Stuart, Stuart where are you?!?!” the woman roared.
A small man ran in skittering and rolling on all fours. His balanced off from jumping out of bed. He stood up strait on his back legs waving back and forth mumbling, “Yes, you daughter of a mad cow?”, then in a louder voice, “Yes, my lady Beauty?”
Beauty flicked her tail impatiently, “What took you so long? I should let you burn in the fire like that crazy wolf that came down the chimney.” She paused shaking her head sadly. The wolf had been trying to get to his wife… but who the heck marries a pig? Shaking her head again she turned back to the black and white man standing in front of her rolling his eyes, but before she could speak a loud bang came from the front hall. With a growl she stomped over to the door and threw it open hissing. She back peddled her dark green eyes wide, as she saw what was in her door way. It was a dirty white old woman, her fur matted and gross. She was holding up a bright red shinning apple.
“Here you go my pretty. Eat the app… ” The old one paused her patchy fur shifting as she turned murmuring, stuffing the apple into her baggy skirt while holding up a paw. “No, no that’s for snow white…” She turned back to Beauty holding a spinning wheel, ”Come my dear spin this thread…”
Beauty flatten her ears in total confusion, “What the heck you ugly thing. Tell me what you want.”
The old one growled, “One sec.” she turned around and bounded into the dark.
Beauty watched after her. She turned to Stuart, ”Did you get any of that?” He shook his small black head.
Suddenly with the sound of a tire skidding the old one was back. This time she had boils and mange, but in her hand was the greenest, most succulent, most… “Hey wait a moment,” Beauty looked closer shaking her head, “Does cat nip even have flowers?”
The old one sighed locking her jaw,” Ignore the stupid flower.” She got down on her knees and held the cat nip up. She cleared her thought.
Beauty stopped her,” You’re not asking for me to marry you or your son are you?”
The old one stood up angrily and smacked Beauty leaving a long scratch on her nose. “I said SHUT UP.” She whipped back around and got on her knees again and once again held up the cat nip. She pushed a button on the music player beside her, which had magically appeared. Loud rap music started screaming out making all three cat people flatten their ears. “Oh come on.” The old one yanked out the plug with her tail. She turned to Beauty, and in a rush she spoke before anything else could go wrong, “would you kindly let a kind old woman in? And the last cat nip of winter as it being Christmas and all.”
“Umm…,” Beauty was still terribly confused, it was summer. She looked at Stuart, who wasn’t doing much better, she shook her head.
The old one stood up the cat nip still gripped in her hand and hissed, “You know what? I can’t stand to finish this… your just cursed OKAY. You will be a beast till for some odd reason someone loves you as much as you love them you idiotic daughter of a mad cow.
Stuart snickered,”That’s what I call her.”
Beauty started to turn around and smack him when searing pain ran up her back, and her pelt itched. The ground rushed forward getting closer and closer. She looked up her face small and tiny “Mew!”
“OMG you turned my lady into a kitten?” Stuart stuttered shocked.
The old one looked down and showed her teeth, “Really? Is noting going to go my way?” She pulled out a long thin stick.
Stuart starred at her in horror. “You stole Pinocchio’s nose…”
“So what,” The old one twirled the stick around,” I tried to kill snow white, I put sleeping beauty to sleep. I kept Rupunzle locked in a tower.” She started murmuring making Beauty grow.
Stuart looked confused, it seems that’s the only look cat people are good at, “Wouldn’t that make you dead like five times over?”
She stopped Murmuring, but kept Pinocchio’s nose moving. “Dude we are cat people with 9 lives.” Ignoring Stuarts questions the old one yelled out, “Bibidy Bobidy Boo.”
Beauty looked around and screamed when she saw her “paws.” They where hairless with long toes, “Stuart make her change me back NOW!!!” she said hysterically.
Stuart stared at her not moving. Her beautiful pelt had shrunk to cover just her head and it was wavy with red highlights. Her dark green eyes sparkled with hidden tears and anger, her blue dress falling limp on her shoulders. He shivered then walked over. He smiled brightly with false cheer, hoping it would work, “I got a better idea.”
As he kissed her, her fur started to grow back and her fingers shortened. She smiled and opened her eyes to a frog. She sighed and turned to the old one shoving the frog in her face.
The old one rolled her eyes and took a bite of the cat nip. Her eyes grew wide and she turned into a beautiful white cat. She started to spin in circles flinging Pinocchio’s nose everywhere. “Guess my name and I’ll change your Stuart back into a man”
Beauty nodded, “Give me three days.” The two women shook hands.
In those three days beauty ran around talking to the people the old one had wronged. First was Snow White who said her name was Queen. Then came Sleeping Beauty who said her name was Dragon. Next came Rupunzle who said it was Witch. Finally came poor Pinocchio, with donkey ears and no nose, he whispered something in Beauty’s ear that made her smile.
At the end of the three days Beauty answered the door holding Stuart the frog. The old one smiled coldly in her beautiful form. “So Hun what’s my name?”
Beauty looked at the white Shape shifting cat women. “Let me see, is it Queen? Dragon? Witch?” each was met with the shake of a head. Beauty thought a moment and stared blankly at Stuart’s warty back. “Okay then, one last guess. It’s the name all things living or dead without a real name…” Beauty smiled brightly and yelled “BOB!!!”
Well Bob the white cat lady hissed and spat breaking Pinocchio’s nose over her leg. “Fine you stinking mad cow. I don’t know who the heck to told you my name but here’s you prince.” She then threw dust at Stuart who grew normal. With one last shake of her head she bounded into the woods never to be seen again, but rumors say that the giant beast had found a little girl in a flower. So who knows?
On to Stuart and Beauty, They were married last week in the old church down the street. Beauty’s finally kind to all, and Stuart is happy so I guess this is the end of this story.