I once was Emily Rose, daughter of Michelle and Stephen Rose. I was a fourteen year old, ready to start my journey through high school. I had everything going for me –I was the popular girl, had good grades, and even excelled at dance. All of this was taken away almost instantaneously when the rumors started.
Funny how something as simple and stupid as a few hurtful words told to the wrong ears can spiral so far out of control. A few simple words can tear down everything I’ve worked so hard to gain, until my whole life comes crashing down, every detail left out in the open for all to see. Funny, how a few simple words can end a life.
Here, I am nothing but a ghost, a fragment of my former self, left to remember what I was, what I left behind, what I could've been. That day comes to mind. Each vivid detail locked inside my mind, constantly replaying for eternity...
Darkness. Darkness surrounds me. Impenetrable, it wraps its arms around me, strangling me, choking off my cries and suffocating the fire burning in my head. Only darkness remains. Darkness and stillness, and quiet. My grasp on life slowly weakens. It's so nice here...oh so nice and quiet and peaceful. I just want to let go and fall further down into this dark abyss of nothingness...
Bam. I am pulled out of the darkness in one swift motion. Bright lights shine overhead. Rough hands continually push my chest, pumping life into my veins, forcing my dead heart to beat. Slowly, I feel myself inch away from the darkness. "No!" I want to scream, "No, no, no! I don't want this!" The hands stop pushing and I get my wish. I am back in the darkness, falling once again. Down, down, down...
Finally I hit rock bottom. A place where two worlds collide. A place where the bridge separating life from death is an easy path to cross. Violent images of hurt and longing push me into the unknown, a place for much older and wiser. Not a thought of what I might be missing crosses my mind.
Now, I realize just how precious life is. How, nobody really fully realizes how important time is, until they've run out. How, I shouldn't have thrown my life away with both hands.
Every day, every minute, I think of what I could've been, what I could've done. Never again will I feel a crisp autumn day; hair rustling in the wind, leaves of all colors scattered about, children with rosy cheeks shrieking in joy. Never again will I have someone to talk to, someone who knows me better than I know myself. I will never grow up. I will never go to high school or college, and I will never fall in love, or have a family of my own.
My friends and family will grow older. They will shed tears, and feel sorrow, but they will move on. I will watch as they experience life’s joy, and life’s hardships. All without me, while I stay here, forever alone, stuck forever fourteen. Never changing or moving forward.
And this is enough to kill me, as surely as my finger when it pulled the trigger.