The Pursuer | Teen Ink

The Pursuer

December 7, 2013
By JulePearl BRONZE, Harlingen, Texas
JulePearl BRONZE, Harlingen, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 29 comments

The cold bites into my exposed skin as I run. I hear my breath coming out in wheezing gusts. My bare feet pound and scrape through the snow. Exhaustion feasts on my muscles and creeps into my bones. But I cannot stop running. Oh no, I cannot stop. Wildly I flee through this silent forest which seems to slowly close in around me.
I hear a snap. I jerk my head around, but all I see is a scarlet trail stretching out behind me. Blood. Blood from my uncovered feet. It garishly stains the white ground behind me.
I must keep running. I must. I must. I must.
But the frigid air stabs into my lungs, and they refuse to breath. And then my legs give out. I fall; the world tipping and lurching around me. The edges of my vision begin to blacken, panic gripping my brain and paralyzing my arms and legs. There, with the snow biting into my skin, I lie, crumpled like a broken doll. The trees surrounding me are as silent and still as death, as if they share my terror.
I try to control my breathing. And I try to listen to my surroundings over the swelling fear filling my chest. But it's useless. I don't even know why I try. My pursuer is as soundless as the still air around me. I would never hear him coming.
My body shudders as I try to get back on my feet. My eyes rake the area for somewhere, anywhere to hide. Behind me is a fallen tree. If I can get to it, I can try hiding behind it. I drag myself forward, my bloody feet leaving traces in the snow behind me. It's no use. I can't hide from him. Not with this trail of blood I'm leaving.
Again the world tips and I fall, my head cracking into a tree root rising above the snow. Pain like white hot fire flares through my skull and spots blossom all over my vision. Panic strips me down till I'm nothing. I cannot think and I cannot breath. I force my eyes shut. My heart is pounding, throbbing against my ribs. Almost as if it knows that these beats will be its last. I force myself inhale and then exhale. I have to calm myself down.
I start to feel an unnatural prickling at the back of my neck. My eyes blink open. And there he is. His decaying body a foot away from me, skin rotting away to reveal grey bloodless flesh. His lipless mouth wears a fixed grin. A scream wrenches from my constricting throat. His head twists slowly downwards and his black pupil-less eyes fix on me.
In his hand he holds a bloodied ax. His grinning mouth begins to stretch open and from it writhes a single, flesh colored maggot. He bends down towards me and the stench from his dead carcass suffocates me.
I cannot move. Horror paralyzes me. The maggot falls from his face down onto my neck. A shrieking sob rips itself from my chest, throbbing through my skull and reverberating through the dead silence of the forest.
And then I open my eyes. And I'm in my bedroom, lying on my bed. I feverishly blink my eyes in disbelief and relief. My hand goes straight to my neck, making sure there's nothing there. Relief fills me as I realize that it was all just a terrible dream. I breathe in and out and in and out, trying to shake off my nightmare. It was so real. So vivid. My hand reaches out to my lamp beside my bed and I flick it on.
And there at the foot of my bed he stands. His grin still fixed on his face.



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This article has 10 comments.


on Jan. 2 2014 at 2:25 pm
JulePearl BRONZE, Harlingen, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 29 comments
thank you!! :)

on Dec. 28 2013 at 7:39 pm
Myvoice4change SILVER, Other, Other
9 articles 3 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

very descriptive, I could imagine it happening!

on Dec. 27 2013 at 8:09 pm
NaaThompson GOLD, Allston, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you don't like someone's story, write your own. -Chinua Achebe

  Nice!!!

on Dec. 25 2013 at 4:25 pm
JulePearl BRONZE, Harlingen, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 29 comments
Thanks for the comment! I'll definitely try to work on my grammar more! It's not really my strong area, haha. XD

on Dec. 25 2013 at 4:22 pm
JulePearl BRONZE, Harlingen, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 29 comments
Haha, thanks! I wrote it really late at night in a dark room and ended up kind of scaring myself while writing it. :D

on Dec. 25 2013 at 4:20 pm
JulePearl BRONZE, Harlingen, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 29 comments
Thank you so much for your comments! I love the constructive critisizm. Very helpful!

on Dec. 24 2013 at 2:49 pm
CameronAY BRONZE, Fleming Island, Florida
4 articles 0 photos 6 comments
Deffinetely agree with your keeping it unpredictable. I think if youw ould have just ended it when she woke from the dream, it would have turned out to be a much better short story. Don't stop writting, you write details amazingly good!

ChandaMan GOLD said...
on Dec. 24 2013 at 10:24 am
ChandaMan GOLD, Grandview, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 4 comments
You go into very good detail which is something alot of good writers do. At first I was starting to be a bit skeptical since seemed like a normal chase scene, but then you put in that it was a dream and I thought to myself, "Much better." Then at the end you put that he stood staring at you and thats where your story lost me. What I'm trying to say, in a nice way, is don't make it to predictable. I have read alot of horror stories and written alot of them too. What really captivates the people that read mine is the twist of the predictable. It's when I take the predictable and throw it out the window and run with my new idea. I liked your story though and keep writing with insanely good detail.

on Dec. 23 2013 at 2:48 pm
CameronAY BRONZE, Fleming Island, Florida
4 articles 0 photos 6 comments
Wow, what a cool story! Got to say though i would be careful with the grammar. There were quite a few sentences that started with 'But' in there. Other than that...Fantastic! I loved the way you had your character compare the silent trees to the silent horror she held as she was collapsed on the ground.

IMSteel BRONZE said...
on Dec. 23 2013 at 11:11 am
IMSteel BRONZE, Wallhala, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 128 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Learn from Yesterday, live for Today, hope for Tomorrow&quot; - Albert Einstein<br /> <br /> &quot;Brevity is the Soul of Wit&quot; - The Which

That was terrifying! The description was vivid, scared me half to death. Keep writing!