Scientists had been researching the prospect of artificial intelligence for a long time… like a really long time. Of course not every human believed that to be a good thing. Some believed that the A.I. would not only surpass humans mentally and physically, but as a life form in general. It might be great for awhile, but what about when they stop wanting to take orders from insignificant creatures. In the year 20XX T.B. earth was actually stable for a good five minutes and no one wanted to kill each other. However six minutes into peace and harmony, the president of the United States stole and ate the Russian president’s turkey on rye, and when he was confronted about it he had the audacity to say he’d truly enjoyed the sandwich!

Suddenly war had ravished the world again, and a Russian scientist by the name Olaf built an A.I. named Olank (that’s pronounced Olonk). Olank was meant to be immediately sent to war, but Olaf considered Olank his son. The Russian president however sent soldiers to Olaf’s home to claim his creation. Olaf was killed Olank was captured. When the A.I. asked why his father had been terminated, the Russian president told it, “Because he was selfish, hiding you, his creation, from your destiny. You were built to help me destroy the United States, to help create a peaceful and prosperous world.” Olank misinterpreted his words though, deciding if his mission was to create a peaceful and prosperous world he would first need to remove the humans from it. It only took him twelve hours to build his army, three to take Europe.
It seemed hopeless, the world was doomed. Until a group of four extra-ordinary people came along; it was the geek squad. They banded together and fought against the machines with their nerd powers! Err… No… I’m sorry that’s “geek powers.” They shut Olank down for a good ten seconds, however then they turned him back on. Before hand though one of the geeks, Dave, took a file and scratched at the O in Olank to make it a C, evidently he thought Clank was a cooler name. The once named Olank, newly named Clank rebooted. Its memory was reset to factory settings; this would have been fine had there not been a robot propaganda poster in front of him. He quickly realized the humans were to be destroyed, killing the almighty geek squad where they squatted.
No one has seen Clank; at least no one alive. He appears on the televisions on the street every now and then to talk about his regime, and how lowly and terrible humans are. He’s a real dick, you know? You never see Clank though, it’s always just his silhouette and a deep raspy voice; he’s so cliché in that way. So around a week after he became Clank, the rest of the world was either under his control or… well… dead. His army drove us into confined areas, with strict rules, but for the most part life was normal. Except that we weren’t allowed to go outside. You can probably imagine that was a big issue; especially for me. Well… actually, you don’t know anything about me yet. I guess that means this is a good point to begin the real story.
My name is Leslie Burton, my dad loved the bass guitar, so much that he named me after his favorite bassist of all time, Les Claypool: lead singer and bassist of the band Primus. I was 16 when Clank’s army came to my home town; that was nearly six years ago. My dad died, fighting for the freedom of humanity. My mother became sick and died when I was 19, she was in a hospital, and meanwhile I was sneaking out past the walls. It’s not particularly hard to sneak past the walls, sure there are guards but, a well placed bucket on their head and they won’t detect you. They can’t see you because of the bucket, which they can’t feel because they don’t have nerves, and they can’t hear you. So how do they understand humans? They read our lips.
So using my ability to sneak beyond the wall I became a scavenger. I make a lot of credits going out and finding things for people. Just last week I went out to find a hula girl figurine for this guy, it was such a small and odd object I charged him 1245 credits! (1 credit = .36 USD approximately.) However aside from the random odd job, my job is really important. People left behind some pretty important things; photo albums, urns, letters, occasionally jewelry. For those jobs I only charge around 326 credits, because these items are so personal, and I know how hard this new world is, so I don’t mind lowering my rates to give someone a smile.
Of course, here I am now, locked up being prepared for… the end. I was out on a run, getting some documents for this shady looking business man. Normally I’d never do a run for a guy like that, but I was low on income and I was about to be evicted. As it turns out that guy was an asshole. He put a tracker on me and told the security where I was. God, what an asshole. I guess I ought to explain a bit better; basically that guy was a synthetic human- a synth as we call them. The regime must have caught wind of my “adventures” and sent a synth to find out who was making runs outside. They’ll probably broadcast it. My death I mean.
“So that’s my story, why are you here?” Leslie asked the mop that was crammed in with him in the musky broom closet. “Yeah, I get it. It’s a harsh world; it’s hard to trust others with your life’s story. You’d think the regime would have an actual cell block.” He continued, obviously getting very annoyed. He let out a long sigh and slid down the wall into a sitting position, or as close to a sitting position as he could. “My name’s Brian.” Leslie shot up, looking around very confused. “I have a PHD- well had I guess.” The wall said very casually. “I really enjoyed your story. Mine is pretty simple, I’m a dad, and a husband, my daughter, Audrey, is- was three. I haven’t seen her in years. I joined up with the resistance a few years back.”
Leslie, still confused could only find one question. “Mop?” There was silence for a moment. “Am I a mop? Is that what you’re asking? Are you seriously asking me, an obviously sentient being, if I am a mop?” The voice asked, silence. “Yes.” Leslie squeaked. “No. I’m on the other side of this wall.” There was a slight knock on the wall, “See?” Leslie, now considerably less confused asked a much more important question, “Are you in a broom closet as well?” There was a sound as if Brian were about to speak again, however the door of the closet in which Leslie was residing opened. In the maw of the doorway stood a little sentry bot. “H3ll0, I am 39-0446-984. Please accompany me to your hearing.” It had a fairly annoying voice which fluctuated in an extreme way.
“What do you mean hearing?” Leslie asked. “We’re going to listen to you speak and then kill you on live television.” The little bot chimed. Leslie was grabbed by the little bot and dragged out of the closet down the hall and into the arena. The arena was positioned in the middle of our settlement, and everyone was forced to attend the events. They captured the whole event on film too so that people in other settlements could see why you don’t fight the regime.
Leslie was led to a pedestal in the center of the arena, he was then chained to the pedestal, and left there. Above him a hologram played the feed, the arena was silent, as that cliché evil voice spoke, “Hello. I’m Clank, your preserver. This human you see before you, was detained for leaving the walls. Thankfully our special forces have brought him back. Human, this is your hearing. Say what you will, I decide when you die.”
Leslie stood there looking into the crowd. “Hello everyone.” His voice echoed of the walls turning it into a hollow sound. “Thank you all for coming; not that you had a choice. I guess, all that’s left to say is… Down with the Regime!” His voice now echoed with strength into the crowd. Silence. Suddenly a faint clapping began, “You know, I think that’s a great idea.” Said a familiar voice, “Also no, I wasn’t in a broom closet, I was in the walls.” There was suddenly a loud electric cracking noise, it boomed suddenly and in a streak of light a man jumped from nowhere slicing the sentry bots to bits with a sword made of electricity.
“Brian!” Leslie suddenly saw hope, and the crowd cheered him on. Suddenly with a voice that was no longer low, but squeaky and reminiscent of nails on a chalk board, the hologram said, “Seize them! OH CRAP! What happened to my voice emulator! Err… I mean…” The hologram suddenly cut out. Nobody did anything, the realization that Clank sounded like a pubescent girl was so much that for a moment, the world stopped. Nay time itself stood on its tip toes and gasped! The hologram reappeared and Clank’s silhouette filled the screen, “Um…sorry, someone…. Pulled a prank? YES! That’s it, a prank! You got me Dave!” The world was still some more, Clank’s ruse had had no- “Oh, that makes sense.” It was Leslie. Brian and everyone else nodded along, but it was Leslie who said what they were all thinking.
“Huh? You bought it? I mean of course you did, it’s the truth… Obviously.” Leslie, having been set free, stepped out. “Of course, our brilliant dictator could never sound so much like Justin Bieber, it would destroy society.” Clank said nothing for a time; however he did make a series of odd noises, until he was finally huffing. “Death is too good for you; I, Clank your merciless ruler sentence you to slavery for all eternity! When you die, we will use your bones to construct a coffee table!” The crowd gasped, Brian stepped forward grabbed Leslie by the arm, and poof.
A few miles away, Brian and Leslie were popping back into existence. Brian was totally fine and stuck the landing no problem; Leslie was not so gracious. “Well here we are, welcome to your new home, the secret base of the resistance.” Leslie looked around, “How did we get here?” Leslie was still stumbling to get up all the way, “My code name at the resistance is Ninja Brian. Cause you know… I’m a ninja. Oh and did I mention I have a PHD?” 
Upon returning to the secret base of the resistance, Brian explained to Leslie the whole purpose and set of rules that the resistance follows. “So our goal, is to resist, and we have three golden rules. One: Don’t talk about the resistance. Two: Don’t break rule one.” They continued walking down a long dark corridor. “What about rule three?” Brian stopped, looking a bit puzzled. “I can’t remember.” Brian shrugged and continued on. “What? How don’t you remember?” Leslie asked desperately. “It must not have been that important.” Leslie ran to catch up with Brian. “But didn’t you say these were the ‘golden rules?’” Brian pondered this for a moment. “They’re rarely enforced. I mean in the first few minutes of meeting you I talked about the resistance, I broke two rules in one fell swoop.”
They finally reached the end of the maintenance tunnels about thirty minutes later, both out of breath.  “Sorry we had to take the back entrance, the regime is on high alert right now.” Brian opened a panel on the wall and put in a four digit number; that number was: 1234. “1234? Really? That’s the sorta thing some idiot would have on his luggage.” Brian looked at Leslie, smiled, nodded and said, “Nice reference to a great movie.” A nearby wall slid open and a white light poured into the tunnel. “Well newbie, you first.”
Unbeknownst to our two heroes however, was that a little drone, not even the size of a fly, had followed them.
“Linda! Brian brought a noob!” Yelled a fairly flamboyant man who was twiddling with a very large gun. “Hi, my name’s…” The man stuck out his hand. “Stop right there. We can get to know each other later, if you even get inducted into to our happy little family.” Leslie was a bit taken aback. “Oh shut up Melvin.” Brian chimed in. “AGH! BRIAN! What the hell is your problem?” Brian stuck out his tongue. “Stop that you two.” It was a woman’s voice, firm, smooth and very attractive, which in retrospect could have very easily been said about the woman whom the voice belonged to.
Leslie looked for the source of the voice and finally saw her, standing at the top of a nearby staircase. She was tall, with short straight blonde hair, very beautiful. “Come on up newbie, let’s get you ready to fight.” Brian grabbed Leslie by his shoulder, “Les, be wary, her code name is temptress for a reason.” Brian then pat Leslie on his back and walked off to another room. Leslie stood there for a minute gawking, and then with a shake of his head he troopered on.
Linda’s office was cozy and very modern, well pre-regime modern anyway. She sat down behind a desk and motioned for Leslie to sit as well. “That was quite the stunt Brian pulled, it could have jeopardized our whole base of operations; however, and probably against my better judgment, I trust Brian. So, I’m sure Brian has given you the basis of our goal and told you about our rules.” Leslie, who was a bit uncomfortable, nodded, and then quickly shook his head. “He brushed over it a bit, he said the goal was to resist, I assume he meant against the regime. He only told me two of the three golden rules though.” Linda shook her head, “Damn it Brian. Ok rule one: Don’t talk about us. Rule two: don’t break rule one. And rule three: Have fun.” Leslie’s face said it all, it said “What?”, “Huh?”, “What kinda rule is that?” and “Is this a joke?”
Before any of these amazing questions could be answered though, the walls around them shook. Linda and Leslie both stood up, “They found us.” She said pushing a red button on her desk. “We’ll have more time to talk later, for now just remember, resist, and have fun. Welcome to the family Runner.” Alarms were blaring lights were flashing, people were scattering throughout the compound. Leslie moved quickly trying to find some sort of armory or something to defend himself with. Eventually he found himself in a hall way with a big set of double doors. The doors were being pounded on so hard they were visibly moving, Leslie found himself mesmerized knowing that so many robots were on the other side. “Les! Move!” It was Brian, but Leslie was too mesmerized to hear him. Suddenly it stopped, the pounding went away. The sound of many robots skittering away was so loud it could be heard from the maintenance tunnels, and the sound of a loud stomp was growing nearer.
Brian finally reached Leslie through the crowd, “Hey Les!” Brian slapped him, Leslie was shaken by this, “Leslie, take this.” Brian grabbed Leslie’s hand and placed a baton in his palm. “You just push that button on the side and it extends, touch them and they’ll get a nasty shock, literally and figuratively.” Leslie nodded, “Thanks Brian.” With that Brian vanished in smoke, and the stomping noise grew louder and louder until just as it reached the doors it stopped. Everybody in the main hall stood still and silent. Leslie tightened his grip on his baton. The doors splintered into nothing and in the remnants of where they stood was a massive machine.
“Hello! I’m Clank!” The voice was incredibly annoying, and it seemed to be coming from the machine. “You know your all powerful ruler.” His voice, which on TV was deep, dark and commanding of respect, was in reality small, shrill, and incredibly humorous. “UUUUUUUUMMM…. Uh-uh. Ain’t no way in hell that little Justin Rat-Boy voice is coming from that big thing.” The loud sound of gears turning began, “What did you say about my voice?! You man-woman! You brute! I’ll slaughter you all! This is the voice my father gave to me! The father you humans took from me!” A platform began to fall from the machine’s mouth and out onto it rolled what looked like a cube with a wheel attached to it. “MUWHAHAHAHA fear me! FEAR ME!” Nobody did anything, everything was silent. Someone coughed. “No way that thing took over the world!” Some extra called. “Yeah this is some joke.” The same guy said in a slightly different tone.
The little cube began to roll around furiously on its tiny wheel. “How dare you! I command respect!” Everyone burst out laughing, and then Clank pulled out a machine gun and shot like thirty-six guys. “HOLY S***! He killed Kenneth!” “NO!” In that moment, the room filled uncomfortably with rage. “What? You mad? Oh. Oh god you guys are mad. Maybe I should have stayed in my megasaur.” With a joint scream everyone charged at Clank.
In short, Clank escaped by some BS miracle, but on that day the resistance claimed victory. Leslie and Brian were paired up as partners by Linda to scout for new recruits after the loss of like a thousand people (like I said “Some BS miracle.”) They set out together, and you know what they did? They f***in’ resisted man! (YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!)