Road Trip Gone Bad | Teen Ink

Road Trip Gone Bad

October 23, 2009
By Bree(: BRONZE, Albuquerque, New Mexico
Bree(: BRONZE, Albuquerque, New Mexico
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Road Trip Gone Bad


Three best friends Alyssa, Mikayla, and Haleigh are in the backseat f Alyssa’s car. They are driving to California for a road trip. They’ve just passed Utah, and now they’re lost. The girls are so scared that they are crying. They keep driving and find a little town.


“Let’s go look through the town” said Alyssa. “Okay” Mikayla and Haleigh say. So the three girls explore the town. They find an old motel. They go upstairs to see if anyone is there, because no one is downstairs. No one is upstairs, but then they start hearing voices. They get freaked out and run back to Alyssa’s parents.


They tell them what happened, and then Alyssa’s dad goes to see if he hears anything. It’s been half an hour and Alyssa’s dad still isn’t back. Now the girls are even more scared. So Alyssa’s mom goes to see if he is there, but when she comes back she tells Alyssa, Mikayla and Haleigh that he is not there.


The mom goes through the town looking for him . . . but she doesn’t come back. The girls are scared for their life now. “We’re going to die!” Mikayla said. Then Haleigh says, “Calm down, everything will be okay.”


The three girls go looking for Alyssa’s parents. First they check an old motel, no sign of them there. Then they find an old jail. They look through it. They go to the very end, and in the last cell . . . They find Alyssa’s mom and dad dead. They all start crying their eyes out and hug each other.

Now, they are looking through more of the town. They find a place that looked like it was an old hang out place. They decide to stay there. Then they look around the place and find some orange juice (at least that’s what they think it is.) They drink, because they are dehydrated. Then they start not to feel good. So they go lay down, and they end up falling asleep. Sadly, the girls are dead the next day.

It is told that all five of them, Alyssa, Mikayla, Haleigh, and Alyssa’s parents haunt the town. Now everytime someone comes to the town, they do to the people what happened to them . . .


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This article has 5 comments.


on Jan. 31 2012 at 10:06 pm
Cheshirekat SILVER, Boise, Idaho
5 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.&rdquo; - Ralph Waldo Emerson<br /> &quot;Oh you can&#039;t avoid that; we&#039;re all mad here.&quot; - The Cheshire Cat

ummmmm no suspense. You always refer to the group of girls like it is one character and the way this is written they are only one character. Give each character a part, don't just refer to it as the girls, have one of them disappear and so this one, that one, and the other one go looking for her and so on. Also give more detail, what was the liquid that they drink, what did the motel look like, don't just say that it looked old, show me the hotel with words. Don't just say that the girls were crying show the tears running down there cheeks and pooling around there chin. I heard a saying once that said, "Paint a picture with words." DO SO!!! This is a plot line that with a little more description and length and evolution could be a great story.

Pugs4ever said...
on Jun. 17 2011 at 1:29 pm
More details!!! How do they die? What happened to them?????

on Jul. 24 2010 at 4:16 pm
Mariah_0.0 SILVER, Peyton, Colorado
6 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be the change you want to see in the world

good story, it sounds awful familiar though hmm... it needs more detail but other than that it was suspensful and like shipeyj said: average.

on Nov. 2 2009 at 1:12 pm
pictolover SILVER, Brookfield, Missouri
8 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Life is like a roller coaster. When you don&#039;t know what to do buckle up, close your eyes, and enjoy the ride.&quot;

this is a very confusing story. it needs more details. that is the best part about horror stories. plus. where did the parents come from? i thot the girls were on a road trip. keep you story line strait please.

shipleyj said...
on Oct. 29 2009 at 6:57 pm
Your story was average. It kept pushing me to thinking whats gonna happen next. But i realize, i want to know why and how the parents died. How the three girls die. Maybe describe a specific town they were lost in and maybe say who was the killer through out the story. One last question is, why do the girls haunt the town and kill other people who are at that abanden town.