I’m not crazy, and there’s nothing wrong with me, so why am I here? I hate it here. I can’t move my arms with this stupid jacket on, it itches and its too tight. I cant sleep at night, I cant stop thinking, cant tell my brain to just shut up, and to stop telling me what to do. But I’m not sick, I’m not what any of these doctors think I am or what my mom wishes I wasn’t. I just keep thinking about Jason, his name ringing in my ears, his adorable smile playing over and over in my head, wishing I knew if he thought about me just as much as I thought about him.
But I wasn’t always here, my mom and step-dad weren’t always this worried about me, there was a time, when my life seemed almost perfect, just like any other sixteen year old girl. I had my friends, we went to the mall, had sleepovers, painted each other’s nails, I was actually normal. My mom worked part time then came home and asked me about my day, and I would tell her everything, how I was doing in all my classes, from my fights with my friends to the boys I liked, then she would tell me about her day at work and the funny things her crazy co-workers and boss said and did. Laughing we would cook dinner together, then she would help me with my homework, she was like my best friend.
Then everything changed, my mom started dating this guy, Dan, he was tan, tall, muscular, good looking, and just wrong for my mom. I made up my mind that I didn’t like him, I wanted her to be happy, but not with Dan. Mom began talking to me less and less and Dan became her first priority, my mom went from being my mom who I loved, to this woman I didn’t recognize, She would always laugh at all the dumb things Dan said, with a high pitched giggle I had never heard before, it made my ears ring, and my teeth clench together. She always wore make up even at home, she said “just in case Dan decides to pop in” and he always did. They would have movie nights in the living room, and once in a while mom would ask me to join them but I always refused, for some reason watching my mom make out with her boyfriend just didn’t interest me.

Only a couple months later, mom tells me that we’re going out for a ‘special’ dinner just Dan, her and me, and to get dressed like I’m going to church. So I did, I remember I wore a beach dress just to make my mom mad, but she didn’t say anything when she saw me. We get to the restaurant and I sit there waiting for what I already know was going to happen. Dan looks at me and smiles awkwardly and asks me robotically “So…Sariah how’s school?” I don’t return the smile, but roll my eyes and say “fine… so why are we here anyway, what’s the big surprise” and my mom kicks me under the table then looks at me and says faking a smile “Sariah, don’t act like that, this is a very special night for me and Dan…” I quickly interrupt her and say “…and again, what’s the big occasion” I watch her stare at Dan and he grabs her hand and kisses it, he looks at me smiling and says “Well you know your mom and I have been together for a while now…” I stare at my mom the whole time he’s blabbing on, its all seems like a big blurr now that I think about it. I knew what was going on, I was being replaced, my mom used to love me and now she loves someone else, I didn’t want to share her with anyone especially with Dan.
Dan and my mom get married, suddenly I’m moving to New York, Dan got a big job transfer. We were almost like a small happy family, well we tried to be, I mostly kept to my self now, I didn’t even bother to argue when I found out I was leaving Texas, where I had grown up and where all my friends were, where me and my mom had shared so many special memories. I said bye to my friends, surprisingly I didn’t miss them as much as I thought I would. After that we move in our new house, it was big just how I liked it,
I still remember my first day of school, I was pretty nervous, I was never really good at making friends, I never really needed to since I had grown up in Texas and already knew my friends since kindergarten. Dan had decided to start taking me to school, he tried so hard to talk to me and have father’ daughter bonding time with me, he told me not to be nervous that I would make friends in no time, I thought to myself “how would you know? You’ve only known me for a couple months” but I just looked at him and nodded, but I didn’t want to talk t him, I hated him, he took my best friend away from me. My heart was beating so fast; I was biting my nails, taking slow deep breaths. As soon as the car stopped in front of the school, I mumbled a soft “ bye” to Dan and rushed out of the car. I walked in the school and I wished Dan would come back so I could go home, I wanted to go back to Texas where I would go in school and meet up with my friends who I missed so much at the moment. But looking around, I only saw people I didn’t recognize; just a bunch of girls talking and laughing while the boys shoved each other around. I sat awkwardly on a bench and looked at my schedule over and over, I felt like people were staring at me, wondering who I was. The bell finally rang, I get up slowly and start looking for room B102, I start getting a little worried since I realize I’m around rooms E201 and E203 , I was definitely going the wrong way. I really didn’t want to be late to class on my first day, but the hallways are slowly clearing up. I quickly guess that my class is down the stairs, about to turn the corner I run into someone who was obviously in as much rush as me. I look up to see a guy with the brightest green eyes I had ever seen, he was, tan, tall and muscular just like Dan, he was wearing a reds striped polo shirt with baggy jeans, I guess what really got my attention was his light brown hair that was twisted into perfect dreadlocks pulled back in a ponytail, I had never seen someone that looked like that before. I moved over to get by only to end up with this guy in front of my face again; I was so close to him I could smell his heavy minty cologne. Dreadlock boy grins at me and puts both hands in his pockets and says “whats your name sweetheart?” I smile and push one strand of hair behind my ears and look up and say “Sariah Johnson” I watch him eye me up and down and grins again “Sariah, I like it, I’m Jason Smith, I’m a senior” I nod and say ”I’m a junior, its my first day here and I’m already late” he says “oh that explains why I haven’t seen you around, whats your homeroom number?” I show him my schedule and he laughs and I quickly look up “whats so funny?” he looks at me “well your class is on the other side of the school, but thats ok I’ll show you where it is I had this guy last year” he hands me back my schedule I follow him down the stairs.

I’m actually glad my class was all the way across the school, because I got to know the boy with the dreadlocks. We mostly talked about me because he kept asking me all these questions like where did I move from, if I liked It here so far, and if I had a boyfriend. I watched him laugh at his own jokes, and he actually listened to everything I had to say, I barely knew him and I had already made up my mind that I loved him already.

After Homeroom I walked out of the classroom and looked for Jason, to see if he wanted to walk me to my next class, but I didn’t see him. When I got to lunch ,I was putting my hot dog on my tray and looked up to see Jason, leaning over the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, she had dark brown hair and dark eyes, her face was flawless and her teeth were perfect. She had on a short pink skirt and a tight black shirt with the words “Pink” written on it, I didn’t know if I like her or not, but her name was Alexis Bines, popular, gorgeous, and had guys wrapped around her fingers. She’s one of those girls that everyone tried to be friends with but secretly hated. I stared at Jason and her for a while, I could actually see myself in her position. But Jason didn’t want me, at least this me, he wanted a girl that’s looked like Alexis, and I looked nothing like her.
I always thought I was awkward looking, I was taller than most girls, light brown skin I have tiny freckles on my face and a small nose, I’m very proud of my lips which are nice and round. I knew I was pretty but not the kind of girl guys like Jason would go out with. My mom says I get my lips from my real dad who past away right after I was born in a car accident, I don’t remember him but I kept a picture I found in the attic of him and mom, they were probably at a party, dad had his arms around her waist and she was smiling, they were so young and they looked so happy together. My dad was African-American with very dark skin and big round lips and bright smile that made you want to smile.
Weeks go by and Jason hadn’t talked to me since the first day of school, he never saw me, but I always saw him in the hallway with Alexis they always stood so close to each other, he would whisper in her ear while she giggled and played with her hair. All I wanted him to do was notice me and talk to me just like he talked to Alexis. Everything began happening so fast, I started writing down where all his classes were so that we would always see each other, then I switched out of my French and Painting class just to take two classes Jason had, and I made sure I sat next to him in both of those classes. I felt invisible he didn’t even talk to me at all, I kept thinking I did something wrong, I was going crazy worrying about him and me.




As soon as I found out Jason and her were a couple, I started copying everything Alexis did, to the way she dressed, to how she talked and even walked. She had away of making everyone listen and laugh at all the dumb things she said, and I wanted to be just like that. Sooner or later I died my hair dark brown, I don’t why, I guess my head told me too. My mom wasn’t very happy about it, I knew she was wondering about why I was changing so quickly but I guess she figured it was just a phase I was going through.
Then it happened again my head told me to do it, and once it popped in my head it didn’t come out. I didn’t think much about it, I just pushed the thought away, but the more I pushed it away the more it nagged me on. I couldn’t sleep at night, I couldn’t concentrate in school, this was all I thought about. I had found a solution to all my problems. After I had made up my mind, I thought to myself of how I was going to do it, I had to make sure I had thought everything through. I had it all perfectly planned out, written out to be exact.

Next day at school my brain was ticking, I desperately wanted school to be over already, I couldn’t wait any longer. The last bell of the day finally rang I stood outside the bus ramp, and waited for Alexis. I spotted her, she was laughing with her friends, hair bouncing in the air, I watched her, and she really looked like she belonged in a magazine. Grinning, I thought to myself “that’s going to be me soon” . I followed Alexis to her bus, I sat directly behind her the whole ride, glaring at the back of her head, I noticed just how much she flipped her hair around. As soon as the bus stopped Alexis got up and I followed her, she gets off and looks at her phone I guess she starts texting someone, I start to walk the opposite way then quickly hide behind the bushes and watch her make her way home. She was still looking at her phone hair falling over her face, I looked left and right to make sure no one was around, I waited for her to make her way across the playground next to her house (I guess It was a short cut) as soon as she passed by the swings, I slowly take out a kitchen knife out of my pocket and I start to run , I ran as fast as I could, my breathing getting heavier and heavier, I get closer and closer the back of Alexis head, knife pointing straight up I stab her on the back of her neck, her cell phone crashes to the ground, she makes a small squealing noise right before she hits the ground, like a little pig I chuckled to myself. She was still alive, breathing deeply, I drag her by her legs to the bushes where I knelt down next to her, I cut both her head and all her hair off. I grab the knife and slowly start cutting off pieces skin off of her face, I noticed how her mouth stayed open in a small ‘O’ shape, and it kept bothering me, so I closed it. I take off her shirt, jeans, and boots and stuff them in my backpack. My head tells me to cut her chest open, so I did, I watched my self take Alexis heart out and stuff it in my backpack next to my math notebook. I finished scraping the rest of the skin of her face and place it gently in my backpack along with her thick bundle of hair.
I drag the body into the bushes, wipe my hands on my jeans and run across the street where I take the city bus back home. I was so excited; I get home only to find out no ones there ,“good” I thought because that’s how I wanted it. I ran up to my room and dumped everything out of my backpack, out fell my chemistry textbook, notebooks, pencils, Alexis clothes, boots, heart, skin , and hair . I grabbed the bundle of skin and very carefully placed it on my face were I stapled the skin to my hair to keep it in place. I then grabbed Alexi’s hair and gently stapled it over my own hair, making it fall in front of my face just like Alexis always wore it. I looked at the finished results in the mirror and made a face, I felt somewhat incomplete, like something was missing. Then my head made me do it, I really didn’t want to but I couldn’t say no. I turn around and stare at Alexis heart just laying there in my bed, I grab it, hesitate for a while then take a huge bite out of it, my head told me it was the only way to accomplish the complete the transformation, so I finished it, wiping blood off my face with the back of my hand. Looking the mirror I saw Alexis staring back at me, I couldn’t stop smiling, this is what I always wanted, I was no longer Sariah Johnson, I was Alexis Bines the most beautiful girl in school.
I walked to school early, with my hoodie on, just so Dan wouldn’t have to take me to school and notice anything different. I walk in school wearing the clothes that had been on Alexis the day earlier. I spot Jason with his friends and walk up to them confidently; I take of my hoodie and tap Jason on the shoulder. I still remember what happens next so vividly, I just don’t like talking about it, but Jason turns around and covers his face and starts to scream while his friends stood there shocked trying to figure out if it was a mask or not, then one of them starts to run yelling something about Alexis, then all of them run out shocked and disgusted. I turn back and look at Jason who was still covering his face but now crouched down on the ground, like a little baby crying for his mom. I grab Jason and tell him to stop screaming and yell “it’s me Alexis”, I try to remove his hands from his face but he wont look at me.

Soon there are cops, news reporters everywhere, and helicopters surrounding the whole school, I’m alone, Jason left, I’m scared, I want my mom, I don’t know what Alexis would have done in my position, I just stood there and let them take me away. I saw my mom from the corner of my eyes, she was crying, and I screamed “mom it me” I ripped Alexis skin of my face and her hair and a little of my own hair, comes off with it, my mom starts crying and screaming “oh my God! That’s not my baby, please tell me that’s not my baby” over and over. But she was right, I wasn’t “her” baby, I was Alexis Bines.
Alexi’s body was actually found earlier that morning, they couldn’t recognize who she was because she was bald and had no skin on her face, Alexis had been reported missing the day earlier so the cops only had to put the pieces together. Everyone knew about me, I don’t like how they talked about me; I’m all over newspapers, they came up with their own reasons as to why I did what I did. Alexis parents are really upset and angry about all of this, they wont rest until I suffer just like their daughter suffered, I don’t know why they’re sad, I wish I could tell them that Alexis is fine and inside of me, that I talk to her everyday, her heart is, and will always be, a part of me now.