I hated that girl from the minute I saw her, just staring at her clueless face made me angry for no apparent reason. Her not being able to walk, talk, or just do anything for her self just frustrated me. She had that disgusting baby smell, you know?, the one mixed with baby powder and saliva that made me want to throw up on the inside. I would make faces at her when mom wasn’t looking, sticking my tongue in my nose, crossing my eyes, hoping to make her mad, but she would just giggle at me, which gave me the urge to want to jump across the table and strangle her. I was ten back then and she was only about three months old, my parents had named her Daisy, after my mom’s favorite flower. But honestly, she was nothing like a flower. I’ve never heard of a flower that smelled like poop sometimes and I wouldn’t give her to anyone as a birthday present. Mom made me help her with the cleaning and cooking more since the baby got here. I heard her tell dad that it made me feel more “included” and “special” , but I wanted mom all to myself so she could tickle me and only me when we played hide and seek. I wanted her to be thinking about me and not the stupid baby. Basically, I didn’t want to share her with anyone especially Daisy who got all the attention.
Mom had asked me to change Daisy’s diapers one day, my teeth tightened and my eyes twitched “sure” I calmly said getting up. Picking up the baby I kissed her cheek staring at my mom from the corners of my eyes, hoping she saw, she smiled and joked “I knew you guys would start to get along”. I grinned and made my way up stairs. I got to the nursery room and laid Daisy down on the corner of the bed and stepped back. I just stood there eying her, hoping she would roll around and possibly fall off the bed. But she didn’t, Daisy just jammed her hand in her mouth and saliva dripped down her cheeks, I made a face, why do mom and dad love you? You make me sick.
I hesitated giving up, I picked her up and put her on the changing table and grabbed a clean diaper out of the drawer. As soon as I began changing her, a nasty smell spread around the room. I made a face realizing the scent was coming from Daisy’s dirty diaper. I quickly pinched my nose together and the baby began to laugh. I panicked and looked sternly at Daisy and asked whispering “what’s so funny?” I softly pinched her on leg, and she just wiggled her legs around and stared at me with those big brown eyes. I repeated getting angrier this time pinching her a little harder and demanded to her “I said, what’s so funny?” I never took my eyes off her, neither did I blink. I finally gave up and finished changing her. After I was done I picked her up, looked in her big brown eyes and smiled and slowly said “you know I hate you don’t you?, I know you do…” the baby looked around saying gibberish. I added leaning close to her ear to make sure she understood “ I wish you would disappear, so that I can have mom and dad all to my self and my old life back” Daisy stared at me and made a face as if she was about to cry, I laughed satisfied “I guess I should take you back to mommy”. When we got downstairs, mom was chopping tomatoes and looked up at us and smiled “oh, look at you two, you look like the two musketeers, how was it? Did she make a mess?” I nodded “nah, not really…and it’s the three musketeers mom, not two” I placed the baby in her chair and handed her a rattle and popped her pacifier in her mouth. I turned to my mom and asked putting my hands on my hips “mom, what do you want me to do now?” she pointed at the fridge with her knife “there’s the rest of her food from this morning, make sure she finishes it.” I open the fridge, grab the jar of baby food and sat down next to Daisy, she was banging her rattle on the table. Rolling my eyes, I snatch the rattle out or her hand and tossed it on the couch, pop the pacifier out of her mouth and threw it on the table. I was surprised she didn’t cry. Taking a spoonful of baby food, I cheered to her as enthusiastic as possible “here comes the train…” Daisy examines the spoon and looks away uninterested, I rested my arms down and stared at my mom helplessly who shrugs and said blandly “keep trying, she has to eat something” she goes back to chopping more tomatoes. I turn to daisy and sang this time more enthusiastic “daisy, here comes the train choo! choo!…” and made the spoon go in a zigzag motion, but again Daisy quickly turns away and stares at the wall. I hesitated, and lowered my spoon and watched a drop of baby food landed on my favorite pair of jeans. The phone rang in the other room and mom goes to pick it up. My smile fades and I quickly turn to Daisy and whisper angrily at her “look at what you did? See this?” I point at the brown spot on my jeans, I kept going “I know you did this on purpose you stupid brat” I angrily take two fingers and push her little head back as hard as I can and it hits the back of her chair, her eyebrows cross and she pinches up her face like she always does and began to cry. I roll my eyes at her and whisper “Daisy stop crying! I didn’t even hit you that hard, now eat” I take a giant scoop of baby food and jam it in her mouth making her continue to cry, food dripping down her chin and mucus down her nose. I say to my self “urgh, you’re so gross”. Mom walks in the room as I angrily watched Daisy scream with the brown food in her mouth, she hesitates wiping her hands on her apron and comes closer to me “Leah, don’t force feed her if she doesn’t want to eat” she snatches the spoon out of my hand and motions for me to get up, I say confused “I thought you said…you said she had to eat…” mom doesn’t even look at me and starts wiping Daisy’s chin and hands “yeah, not jam all that food in her mouth, just go watch T.V or something” I slowly leave the room but look back when I hear my mom sing “Look Daisy,here comes the train choo! choo!...” and I see Daisy eat like she hadn’t eaten for days. Mom smiles at her “yum!…good girl” Daisy giggles at her, I just groan and leave the room.
While I was on the couch watching TV, I thought of how much I wish Daisy could go away, just Poof! And disappear out of my life. I knew that if she did, I would be an only child again. Mom and dad would pay more attention to me like they used to. They’re going to miss her but they’ll get over it after a while I thought. I decided to go take a nap since I would probably not get any sleep anyway. Waking up a few minutes before Daisy’s bedtime, I decided i wanted to be the one to put her to bed. I walk in the nursery room and saw mom on her rocking chair with Daisy in her arms. I got on my knees close to her and whispered to her “mom, can I please give her a bottle?” my mom looked down at me tiredly, smiles, and replies “sure, here..” she hands me daisy and a bottle of milk , she adds “I’m gonna go sleep, oh and please don’t lay her on her back, you know she stays awake all night when we do that” I noded, sitting down on the rocking chair, I put the bottle in her mouth, and watched Daisy’s little mouth move up and down as she drank the milk. I started rocking the chair back and forth, and after a while Daisy’s eyes started slowly closing. When she was finally asleep, I put her in her crib, stomach first just like my mom wanted, I placed her pacifier in her mouth. Turning the light off, I walked out of Daisy’s room, and went to the kitchen to make myself a peanut butter jelly sandwich. Walking in the living room with my sandwich in hand I grabbed our family album and began flipping through it. The first couple of pictures which where my favorite, was of just me and my parents at the park way before Daisy was born, dad was pushing me a little too hard on a swing, and I was holding on for my dear life, but I looked like I was having the best day of my life. I finally got to a picture of mom and dad at the hospital the day Daisy was born and I was wearing a cute yellow dress and a big white ribbon in my hair, we where supposed to all be kissing Daisy in the picture, mom and dad on each cheek and me on her forehead but I had decided to stick my tongue out at her instead, I laughed to my self, brushing sandwich crumbs of me that fell on the ground. The next picture was of mom breastfeeding daisy at home, I couldn’t watch anymore, I angrily closed the album and made my way back upstairs. I walked in Daisy’s room and turn on the bright light, I stared at her with complete hatred. I grab her and put her on her back, she slowly opens her eyes and stared at me with the same big brown eyes. I whispered to her smiling “hey Daisy, are you sleepy?” she looks around and starts giggling at me. I stop smiling pinch her small lips together and lean in close to her and mumble “stop giggling at me…” her eyes fill up with tears and I say to her “go ahead and cry for no reason, just like you always do…” I fold my arms in front of me and Daisy begins to cry louder. I snatch her pillow from under her, making her head slowly hit the mattress with a little thump, she cries even louder. I start pressing the white pillow down on her small face, I whisper harshly “stop crying Daisy” I kept pressing it hard on her face until the sound of her faint crying got lower and lower until it drifted away. I watched her little legs stop moving, taking the pillow of her face, I noticed that it had turned a pale color of blue and her eyes where still open. My eyes filled up with tears Daisy? thought, I whispered “Daisy?” I stare at her eyes, hoping they begin to move, I start whimpering “Daisy please wake up…you know I didn’t mean it” I leaned in closer and picked her up, her arm dangled under her. My eyes got blurry with tears, I kiss her little cheeks hoping that will magically bring her back to life. I slowly put her back in her crib, I sat down on the rocking chair and folded my arms, the room suddenly felt cold and empty. I began to get angry at myself and thought why am I so stupid? Daisy was my sister and I killed her, mommy is gonna hate when she finds out what I did. I got up, ran to the bathroom, plugged the drain, and turned on the bathtub water. My hands where shaking and my arms had goosebumps. I started humming to my self a song my mom sometimes sang to Daisy so she would go to sleep. Calming down I sat down on the toilet and continued to hum to myself, as the water in the bathtub got higher and higher, I began to hear a familiar voice. I quickly looked around, trying to figure out what the low noise was. It began to grow louder and louder I realized that it wasn’t just a noise, it was a giggle, a loud pitched giggle that made my ears ring and the hairs in my arms stand straight up. Daisy? is that you? I thought to myself, no it can’t be, daisy’s dead, or is she?. I ran to the nursery room as the baby laugh began to get higher and higher as I got closer, oh Daisy, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry I pleaded with excitement. I barge in the nursery and the laughter disappeared, peering down at the crib I see Daisy’s eyes staring straight up just like I had left her. My heart starts to beat faster and faster, oh my gosh, I’m going crazy. I start pacing back and forth around the room, I run back to the bathroom and stare at the bathtub which was already halfway full, I take off my socks and put one foot in the water, which was freezing cold, then I put the other foot and begin to sit down. Then Daisy starts giggling again, getting louder and louder, I look around worriedly Daisy stop laughing, what’s so funny?. The noise gets louder to the point that I have to cover my ears which didn’t help. I whisper loudly “daisy, shut up, please just shut up” but she just keeps laughing at me, her big brown eyes keep flashing in my head. With my hands still in my ears and my eyes closed, I begin to hum again trying my best to cover Daisy’s deafening laugh. I take a deep breath and lower my body in the water…
I can’t breathe…I need to breathe.
I’m sorry mommy…