Why can’t I die? I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried cutting open my veins, throwing myself into a fire, jumping off a cliff near the beach. Nothing will work! Every time I wake up in a hospital, the nurses telling me it’s a miracle I’m still alive. Why won’t they ever understand; I don’t want to be still alive!

A few weeks ago, the counseling started, but nothing has changed. It never will. All they do is talk crap and every “appointment” ends with the counselor waking me up from a daydream of finally getting what I want.

It’s only been a few days since my last attempt at it. I was found by an old lady walking by the street that I had splattered onto. They had said that there was blood everywhere, when they showed me a picture- I didn’t even flinch. It’s what I wanted to do, and still do, why should I be scared of it?

My window jumping attempt didn’t really get me anywhere; the doctors referred me to another counselor, the one I used to have obviously wasn’t working. It didn’t take long for the new one to realize that I wasn’t going to stop trying anytime soon. I guess she thought that I was best locked up and one fateful day the police came knocking on my door.

That day plain sucked. I wished I could die- well… that wasn’t a new wish was it? In fact, it’s been my only wish for nigh over two months. The police locked me (I guess this new counselor was a smart one indeed) somewhere there wasn’t a chance that I could do any harm- to myself. Being tied to a chair and chained down to a bed in a musty, dark cell is annoying, trust me.
The police told me that I would stay here until something could be done about me, giving me nothing but a blunt *non-toxic* marker and a blunted edge paper to entertain myself. Seeing as I had nothing better to do, I started writing this.

I guess whoever will end up reading this, might be confused by now; I haven’t exactly started at the beginning of the whole fiasco, have I?


*** Suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year. Worldwide there are more deaths due to suicide than to accidents, homicides and war combined. More American adults suffer from depression than coronary heart disease (7 million), cancer (6 million) and AIDS (200,000) combined.