The rubber smell of the swing, and the dry wind strewn dust over my untied laces,that was first.His gaze scoping over to me paper in hand crowd of vindictIve eyes at his side. That was next,and so i waited. Dangling like a limp daddy-long-leg on my chain web, breeze swaying me without motivation. My hands wet and sickly tingling in my lap. Hot regret i couldn't look up from my fingers, that i wish would turn to a map and lead me away. knees were crumbling even without the weight.I pretended not to hear the laughter, cynical and spewing from a deep earthy mix. Crunching, the gravel winced beneath his footfalls as he made way towards my hopelessly visible secret corner. Each breath spiked the torrent of storm inside my human shell. But last he was in front of me scoffing under his breath. I didn't like that he could make me feel so lonely, that's not fair. I just wanted what those other girls had. Why when the boys would chase their laughter i longed to be bird of the same feathers. I looked up tugging my head from its strained heavy nook, I looked at him letting the others fall away from my vision in pin pricks. It seemed much to fast my breath was snagging limply in my throat and he said "The most disgusting thing Ive ever read." not very much but you'd have thought it more had you heard it. im sure. Couldn't he understand i just got caught up in a radio song, and had a mother that urged an honest reputation. I wanted to sink under the earthworms and look for buried arrowheads from ancestors that would forgIve. Silly me to love. Just let me be. I tugged the hem of my old gray jacket and awaited mean sing song banter. He glared like I'd slapped him, turned, and laughed his eyes going dim. threw the note and all its useless grammar,I knew she was watching too knew she loved that he hated my lips and their hew. i faked a simple smile, curl the corners of my mouth, that's all i have to do. said i had been tipsy, mocked, laugh with them. buried me inside the shell and forged the lie I'd been under influences of such twirling smoke and sticky acid drinks. they left sastisfied to have brought me so low. i picked up the floating letters. hid my fist in my pocket and with nimble child fingers tore the simple heart offer to peices ants couldn't want. I would disappear before math.