When he graduated high school on June 21st, he received a piece of paper signed by the high school administration that ostracized him. As he trudged across the turf of the football field to accept his diploma, he was surrounded by the same students who considered him a reject on account of his gender identity. While he thrived in classes and attained test scores to get him into numerous universities, high school was not the place for people like him.

The first day of sophomore year, I chose the seat closest to the door during homeroom. My attention was captured by a curvaceous girl I had yet to meet who took the empty seat next to me. I absorbed her appearance stealthily as she stayed preoccupied on her phone. She had long platinum blonde hair. It was frayed at the ends from constant straightening and the smell of bleach dye acted as a helmet for her head. She wore colors that shone under the industrial light of the classroom and overpowered her porcelain skin. After sending a text, she turned her body in my direction and said, ?“Hey there, I’m Kiernyn.” ??
Today, Kiernyn is now Kieran. He is an undergrad at Drew University. His hair is so short it’s possibly a military-grade buzz cut, and now quite dark brown. Weekly injections of testosterone has his skin riddled with acne and his now defined jawline covered in dark, thick facial hair. His body is muscular and his curves have leveled out. He wears flannels and button-down shirts and trousers. His body hair has darkened and is growing thicker. His voice is a smooth baritone. His new peers have no idea that he was once a woman.

Kieran is one of many individuals who has a different gender-identity than the biological body he was born with. This is a medical term called Gender-Dysphoria. To you and me, it’s called transgender. Kieran came out to everyone his junior year of high school. While his close friends and family supported him, his bravery and integrity was met with endless intolerance from his peers and even school faculty.

Getting ready for school in the morning was a dreadful process. It always started with a distressing shower. The trauma of seeing his own naked female body never ceased; mounds that should be flat and a plane that should be more. Hazy tendrils of steam suffocate the air from the cerulean room and make it hard to see. He preferred it this way. The haze allowed him to pretend this was all a bad dream; that he wasn’t about to hide the body God mistakenly gave him. With precision he wraps his breasts with Ace bandages. He unwraps and rewraps three times before the makeshift binder feels right. With a tube of brown Covergirl mascara stolen from his mother, he portrays a convincing stubble along his jawline. He throws on a pair of Hanes boxers and khaki shorts. A baggy black tee shirt hides his feminine figure. He misses the winter when he could hide behind layers of clothing. Upon looking in the mirror, Kieran could see a dapper, young gentlemen staring back at him. He was ready to tackle the cruel, three-headed leviathan known as high school.

At Toms River High School South, he mastered the hurried walk through the serpentine hallways. Only ten more strides on the scuffed, dull linoleum and he’ll be able to blend into the back of homeroom. Parasitic stares burrow holes in the back of his skull. A mousy freshman girl whispers, “Wait, that’s not a guy?!” This was not a surprise for him. He held his head high as he walked past his peers. A thick skin is a vital life lesson for anyone, plus it really bugs the bullies. He was always prepared for random humiliations, name-calling, whispers, and especially the stares. In school, he was among the lowest rung of the social ladder: Untouchable. 

School systems mistreat and ostracize transgender children. Kieran was able to survive, but his abuse wasn’t as extreme as many transgender students face daily. The education system must change. School faculty and administrators are obligated to protect students from harassment and discrimination from other students. Even so, transgender adolescents still experience extensive intolerance in schools. Transgender high school students have reported a long list of harassment in schools. The most prevalent is verbal abuse. During my friendship with Kieran, he has been called “tranny,” “it,” and “he-she” as well as many other degrading names. In a recent report by “The Joint,” nearly 78 percent of transgender K-12 students and 35 percent of transgender college students reported being subject to physical, verbal, and sexual assault by students, teachers, or staff due to their gender expression. For Kieran, today was an average day. Some loathsome looks, comments, and cold shoulders was typical for him.

Another challenge that many transgender students face is resistance from teachers. “One year,” Kieran tells me, “I had this putrid woman as an english teacher. Her name was Mrs. McReady. The first day of school I introduced myself to her. I told her that my records say female, but I prefer to go as a male. I asked her politely to use male pronouns.” He looks at me with intensity. “She said, ‘You do realize that will be impossible for me to do, right?’” She never used male pronouns once during his year with her.

Results from the 2001 National School Climate Survey indicated that 80 percent of prospective teachers reported having biased attitudes towards transgender people, and 66 percent of guidance counselors hold negative feelings towards transgender people. With little to no emotional or academic support at school, many transgender students choose to skip school altogether. Inevitably, they fall so far behind that many opt out and continue their education elsewhere, whether it be getting their G.E.D or transferring to a completely different school. 15 percent of youth reported leaving school in grades K-12 because of the severity of harassment although they catch up later and gain more than the national average number of qualifications.

Kieran's day-to-day life displays the difficulties encountered by transgender students who do not conform with a "boy" or "girl" category.  Moreover, it's not simply ignorance about one’s preferred pronouns. Even issues such as which bathrooms a transgender student should be allowed to use and which locker room they use to change for gym become major stressors. Many are forbidden from using the lavatory or locker room that matches their gender identity. In extreme cases, a transgender student may even be banned from using all student restrooms completely. 

Kieran has dared me to pass as a male in public. My shoulder-length hair now rests in a flat bun on top of my head. An itchy hair net traps my locks. I convinced my mom to let me use her brown “skater boy-esque” post-chemo wig. As I flip my head back up with my new hair, I look in the mirror. I look like a confused, straight-haired Rizzo from “Grease.” This will not do. I straighten it completely and throw a red NJ snapback on top. I use an eyebrow pencil to thicken my brows and add a five-o’clock shadow to my upper lip. Next, I will be binding my breasts. This can’t be so hard right? Wrong. I don’t know how people do this. I unravel the first ace bandage around my body, carefully overlapping the layers. When I finish the first roll, I look like I have a lumpy uni-boob. Starting over. I start from the top of my chest and work my way down. I do a little bit better this time, but Kieran helps me bound myself in two more layers of Ace bandages. I complain that I can’t even breathe at this point. Any moment the pressure will crack my ribs and cave in on my lungs. Kieran laughs and tells me this is how I know it’s perfect. I borrowed my dad’s baggy dark jeans and a collared black shirt. The last touch is an extra large black zip-up sweatshirt. This hides my waistline and makes me look more bulky.

As I park my car outside the local mall, I can already feel my nerves acting up. What starts as a discomfort turns into an acid taste in my mouth and warmth in my esophagus. What if somebody recognizes me? Can I handle name-calling and stares? I don’t think this is a good idea. Kieran covers my hand with his and tells me that we can leave at any time. My palms are damp with sweat and my fingers are white-knuckled on the steering wheel. I look in the mirror at my face one last time. In an act of courage, or sheer foolishness, I get out of the car.

When I’m nervous, I count steps. 42 steps from my car to the sidewalk. Six steps from the sidewalk to the doors of Hell. Three whole steps before I hear the giggles of the pre-teens. “No way,” whispers one, “No way is that a dude.” I c*** my head right in her direction. She’s sitting on a couch, with five plus girls that are adorned in black and have candy colored hair, eating Auntie Anne’s pretzels. As soon as I could look over, their heads all snap back and they cackle to themselves again.

On Friday nights, the Ocean County Mall finds its bowels filled with clusters of self-obsessed pre-teens. As a unit they aimlessly meander around, carelessly block everyone’s path, irritate all of the workers, maintain ear-shattering levels of shrill voices and mock anyone who isn’t them. Today, I am their target.

The rest of my experience at the mall was very similar. Nothing was yelled at me, but a lot was said about me. After the first fifteen minutes my ears were trained to hear the whispers of everyone around me. Fag. Dyke. Freak. Disgusting. F*ed-up. The stares made me feel vulnerable and exposed. Although this was not a school setting, or a lifetime of harassment, the trauma of this experiment alone will stick with me long after this essay is due.

Transgendered adolescents have a significantly larger probability of attempting suicide, substance abuse, being homeless, dropping out of school, and high levels of stress, as well as being the target of many forms of discrimination, harassment, and violence. More seriously, nearly half of all transgender adolescents will attempt suicide before they turn 20.

I have been exposed to monumental things from Kieran. He is a human being with immense bravery and endurance, and has been dealt harder decisions than most. Trying to force one’s identity to conform with one’s biological gender is harmful and emotionally and psychologically damaging. Gender identity must be welcomed, not ignored. School systems and society alike do not make this simple. We all need to be willing to inform ourselves and others to spread acceptance towards transgender students, as well as the transgender community alike. .