Packing all of her stuff away in a box felt like a fever dream. Memories lingered on each item making me question if I was even ready to get rid of it all yet. I started small with useless things like her hair clips then stopped halfway through because it all still reminded me of her. Two weeks had passed and I had still struggled to fill the box. It was hard when she surrounded me. Everything in my small room had an association with her and it was suffocating me. I spent time out of my room more and more just to get away and wouldn’t return till I needed to sleep. Another week had gone by and I had told myself today was the day.

    A small place in my brain was still trying to convince me that we didn't break up. Everything felt surreal. I had spent 3 years with the person I had believed I would end up with just for those years together to go to waste. Looking at old photos her bright blue eyes will always be engraved in my brain followed by her long black hair that seemed to never knot or fall out of place. I placed everything away in the box to never be seen again, although it was hard it was what was needed for me to move on. Looking around, my room felt empty. My   dresser no longer contained the photos we took or the trinkets we took. 

All the sadness I had carried felt lifted for a moment. It felt peculiar. I looked around and I finally am surrounded by myself. My bed has my blanket on it, my dresser had my things on it, my closet had my clothes in it. My room felt like mine for the first time in 3 years. My floor has soft brown carpet that your feet sink into and my walls are painted bright white and it all belonged to me. 

  From time to time I still feel a feeling of anguish deep in my stomach wanting to burst out. I sink into my bed seeking comfort. Being swaddled in blankets is sometimes the best solution when life isn't moving at the same pace as yourself. But it's a part of growing up and knowing someday in the future I will be able to cherish the memories I have had and be able to smile about them. But before I can cherish memories I need to cherish the present and focas on myself and not take the smaller things for granted as I did her.