I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 9 years old, but have probably have had it since I was born 17 years ago. At that time, I didn’t even know what Aspergers was, but I have learned what it is. Aspergers is a developmental disorder within the autism spectrum. Living with Aspergers, I’ll say, is not very much fun. Actually, it is really annoying to have such a disability. Having Aspergers can cause me to get angry or confused very easily. I can get so angry when my parents tell me to do something, especially if I am in the middle of doing something else. When I was a lot younger, and still today, I have a hard time understanding what the teacher is explaining. Most of the time my grandmother tries to explain the homework to make it more easier for me to do. Sometimes, when I am doing one thing, I am thinking of another thing like I can’t even spell today.

Another thing I do is that, whenever I am standing around waiting in line at a grocery store or somewhere like that, I have a tendency to sway back and forth, or rock side to side. I think I do that because I am really bored, and I don’t’ want to be standing there doing nothing. I don’t even know I’m doing it until someone tells me. I know it probably looks weird but, it soothes me. Of course, people stare at me whenever I do it, and I feel like saying to them, “I have Aspergers, I can‘t help it.” Sometimes when I get nervous I start talking and talking and can’t quiet down.

Another bad thing with Aspergers is that, I have a very hard time conversing with others; teens, my therapists, and sometimes even my family. My friend Maria is 1½ years older than I am, and I have a hard time communicating with her. I’ll say, “Hey, what’s up?” She’ll say, “Okay”, and that’s the end of my conversation. Even if I practice ahead of time someone has to help me out by saying things like, “Don’t you want to ask Maria how school is?”, or ask her “What’s she been doing since the last time you saw her?” Then I will start up and then it of course, it stops again.

I really want to have a boyfriend badly, but unfortunately I don’t have one, and sometimes I do silly stuff for boys to notice me and that doesn‘t work. For instance, there is a boy whom I have a huge crush on and I am always so excited to see him. However, when he shows up, instead of talking to him I go and break up twigs in the front yard!
There is a prom each year for teens that are home schooled. I didn’t get to go last year because I didn’t have anyone to go with. Classmates at school kept saying, “You should go, you’ll have a good time”. However, no one asked me to join their group.

Even boys who are like me don’t ask me out! For example, I went to a classmate’s Bat Mitzvah, and I gave a ride to a boy whom I think has autism because he acts just like me; I was so excited, but I couldn’t say one thing to him! My grandmother helped me make a list of things to talk about, but I just couldn’t do it. As soon as he got out of the car, he couldn’t get to the popular kids fast enough. Of course, they ignored him. Go figure!

Sometimes I just wish that I was a normal teen living a normal life. I hate having disabilities; it makes me feel like a very ill teen that can’t get better no matter how hard I try, even though people say I have come a long way. It has taken me 8 years of lessons to learn how to swim. Now, once I get into the water you can’t get me out. I have learned to love swimming. It is now one of my favorite hobbies. It has also taken me 10 years to learn how to ride a bike. I love biking now as well. I still don’t know how to ice skate or roller skate yet, but I am still learning. Having Aspergers also makes me feel like I am a very illogical person that doesn’t know much about anything, and always acts weird. I wonder will I ever get better or will I always be a weird kid with disabilities.